Young Writers Society

GO TEAM WIZARD!

WOW! I love this! The description is perfect, along with punctuation. It gives a saddened vibe, but dark at the same time. I liked how in the third paragraph you referred to the main character in second-person. Then in the last one, you used third-person. This was a very good contrast in my opinion. I couldn't stop one flaw, neither one mistake. Everything flowed perfectly, which is always very hard to do. Anyways, it was awesome, your awesome. Continue writing stuff like this, and good luck. May you find a four-leaf clover today, or tonight. Thanks for the read!
~Laelle

Here we go TEAM WHY !
Kat here to review

Okay so let me just say I totally adored your descriptors here ! It reminded me of the classic reapers form video games and stories . Very creepy >.<
Some nitpicks : "willow-stalk" seems kind of redundant if she is willowy it's the same thing as saying she is as slender as a bean stalk . However, I like how you used another hyphenated word in that stanza to tie it in so that was cool. There wasn't a really bouncy rhythm here, which I think personally interrupted the flow a little, but when searching for rhythm ...in this case to much "bouncy" would change the mood.
"You reek of death, arms and hands" why arms and hands? arms? Just curious.I also didn't understand the cult thing, maybe I'm just missing something but I found a few things in the stanzas confusing :/ just make sure it makes sense and your good.

Positive things! The whole general idea here of a reaper of angles is so chilling and inventive. I especially loved hoe the girl (?) felt bad about it and you could really see that in the last stanza and throughout with words like tender and shielding . Like she is to innocent for this but it was forced upon her and it is a curse that she will carry her whole life, forced to kill what is beautiful . It makes it kind of relate-able that way.

Awesome job you should keep writing!
~Kat

Hello, Kanome here with a review for you c:

You did say you were describing a character, I like it.

I can see what your character looks like, because of the descriptive imagery you wrote about her. You also explained her personality, her role, including her appearance. Wonderful job on that.

- Things I like about this: -

1. Imagery is key in poetry, and you showed a well, thought out description about your character.

2. The way you described this person makes me want to learn more about her.

- Improvements: -

Only saw one nitpick, and it's just commas in a couple of places.

Other than that, truly amazing.
Keep writing. I can't wait to read more of your work.

Kanome

Hey Dragon!

So, I liked this. Since you described this as a description for a character, this feels like something you'd obviously want to develop into a more fully fleshed idea, so I'm intrigued by the potential possibilities of that. The whole "angel of death" thing does feel a little overdone to me, and as of right now there's not a lot being hinted at in the poem that makes me think that this character would really be unique.

The question is, then, how you want to go about revising this. As a poem I'm not sure that really works, but I don't know that that was necessarily your intention. Still, your flow is choppy. It doesn't really tell a story as much as describe the character. And at it stands, you say who she is, but not really what she does or why we should care about her.

For me, the most compelling aspect of this was the implication that she doesn't take pleasure in what she does, that she sees killing as a necessary evil, which I think is really interesting and it's not something that's explored often.

Just a few things to think about! I'm sure you'll figure it out -- best of luck, and feel free to shoot me a message if you have any questions!