We chatted through Telegram,
An IM app.
Now we don’t.
We fought. You hate your looks,
I hate my past, we hate each other.
It’s a nightmare.
.
Tele says I can change my contacts.
Deleting you from my life
Is as easy as clicking “Clear history.”
It’s permanent.
Once those messages are lost,
They’re irretrievable.
If only memories worked the same.
You’re a nightmare.
.
Tele saves everything we said,
But only in our convo.
Tele tells the story of
How we grew apart.
You got mad and walked away one night.
I got cold and shut you out.
Claws from you, scales for me.
We chose the “safest” for us both.
What a nightmare.
.
With one swift click, our convo’s cleared.
Another, and your contact gone.
Cleaning out the text-spread trash
Is easy.
Cleaning out emotional scars,
Not so much.
Life’s a nightmare.
.
I opened my eyes and screamed,
Realizing what I’d done.
Opened my eyes again and scrambled
To my laptop, turned it on, checked Tele.
You’re still there, your contact safe,
Our convo and friendship preserved.
My love still loves me.
Just a dream.
What a nightmare.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,565 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
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I really liked this! I could see what was happening in my head as i read this, its amazing. It gave me chilly bumps as i read this. I love the part when they relied what they had done and has to go an check the computer to make sure they didn't erase everything forever. Then is greatly re-leaved when they relies everything is still their. Kinda reminds me of maybe a long distance relationship. Mostly because all of this seems to be happening over text. I think its beautifully written and has an amazing story behind it. Great work! Look forward to your next peace!
~Bambi
Tigerlilly here to review!
I find this piece very interesting! I think in entirety, its just a beautiful setup. It shows the hardships of getting over someone, and then, plot twist, its just a nightmare... I really like how you repeat that as well, nightmare. It brings you back to the title and helps get the message through to the reader. Great job! As far as critiquing goes, there's not much to fix here. Your punctuation is on point, and grammar is done properly. You also have a nice structure to the poem and a great flow. Its a truly wonderful piece, and I really look forward to reading more of your works! Keep writing!
Hello!
I really enjoyed this piece. I like the plot twist at the end when it talks about how all the poem is really just a dream... Well, a nightmare.
I especially like the part when you wrote: "cleaning out the text spread trash is easy. Cleaning out emotional scars, not so much. Life is a nightmare." That part really states how hard it is to clear our minds of a lost love and how easy it is to clear any hurtful texts and conversations.
As far as critiquing goes, you did a pretty good job in keeping everything correct grammar and punctuation wise. I don't have anything bad to say about this peice but, I'm sure others will.
Again, this was very interesting to read. Keep up the good work!
~elephant