Kagaku

Good day,

Here are my two humble cents:

To start, thank you for recognizing the importance of all things that cannot be measured, speculated, and analyzed through data monitoring. Yes, some of the most brilliant scientists had vivid imaginations and passionate hearts, and with their discoveries I continue to extend my perception of the world and am endlessly propelled by the impossible reality. THOSE kind of scientists augment the feel of magic, the intangible, the magnificent. And then there are the ones who downgrade all that glory, belittle it through their numbers and statistics, and refuse to see beyond their hypocrisy of an "open-mind".

I've mainly struggled with some of the word choices:

Science has made our moon a stone that hangs

Up in the sky. Our sun is just a ball

Of fire that floats through its celestial trail.

Light’s a wave and particle—no surprise— (great line, combining science and subtle literary techniques to enhance the feeling of disappointment)

A paradox we overlook glibly (paradox-good, glibly- not so sure...),

As if it were nothing, not all that great, (perhaps work on this a bit more, amp this up, this sounds a bit regular. Not on the same level as some of the other sentences)

A sight we’ve seen before and don’t admire (this is better)

Because our Science says we know it all. (good, OUR science. perhaps you can drive that point more through substituting says to dictates? as in, the science takes no objectives, tries to shove down the hypotheses down our throats)

The days of magic and fey are all gone, (glorious, almost as if I cracked open a wizard's history book. This makes for a very strong contrast with lines dealing with Science)

Lost to the acid mist of our pursuit (acid mist....elaborate, this metaphor is lost on the reader, it does not connect to the themes)

Of knowledge, a thing more precious than our

Imagination, which has shriveled up (shriveled word choice makes me feel strange, but perhaps it is what you were going for? if you were hesitant to use this one, please work on it a bit more )

And died, the magic lost. No more fairies,

No more elves—Science reigns supreme o’er all. (Strong finish, the wizard feel yet again )

Question: What does Kagaku mean?

This a very interesting point, and, with no disregard to the poem, one I hope isn't true. Of course it is true to an extent, but who marvals more at the complexity of life, the power of nature, the universe, than the scientist. In understanding modern science, the human race as a whole is mearly now aware to a greater extent of what we don't know.
Now about the poem. I am interested as to your word choice "fey" and "o'er". both of these, as far as I can see, are included to add a timless feel to the work. This is great, almost druid like, and if this was your aim it has worked.
Your first line, "Science has made our moon a stone that hangs", is my favroute, it is not something one thinks about too often, but is true nontheless.
Hope you find this helpful,
Take That You Fiend!

hey there
well , i have never thought that i'm gonna enjoy reading a work in category : poetry , science , but your poem changes my mind , it was nice , every part has something special in it .i loved how you started and finished your poem it's so nice

Science has made our moon a stone that hangs
Up in the sky. Our sun is just a ball
Of fire that floats through its celestial trail.
Light’s a wave and particle—no surprise—
and ...

Lost to the acid mist of our pursuit
Of knowledge, a thing more precious than our
Imagination, which has shriveled up
And died, the magic lost. No more fairies,
No more elves—Science reigns supreme o’er all.

anyway it's a very beautiful poem , so keep up the good writing

Nyeh... What's up, DoP?

I noticed the call to arms up in the Front Page and decided to help out for the cause. So, without further delay... Gummy's the name, reviewing's my game~

...Why do I even bother trying to milk points out of a grammatically pristine poem...? Anyway, so I took the liberty of looking up the Japanese word 科学, or "Kagaku", after reading this piece. Little to my surprise, of course, I found out it translates to "Science". Since Japan is widely considered the technological capital of the world, I was impressed you took the time to write your title this way! (Way better than if you had It's subtle allusions and hints like these that really make me appreciate a masterful piece like this one... (You know, not like I was expecting any less from you, right?)

This is a fixed-verse poem! Yay~ I'm more of a fixed-verse fan when it comes to poetry, you see. It feels less like I'm writing in glorified prose. You have very good rhythm, and I commend you for that! However... there are always a few things to note, at least from my point of view.

"Light's a wave and particle--no surprise--"

^ It often happens to all of us when we write this sort of poem. We have this huge idea for a line, but we don't know how to properly translate it into verse without making it stand out. That's the problem we're dealing with here. The line kind of strays from the rhythm of the poem and prevents me from humming it without having to change the pronunciation of the word "particle". The way I'd write this line would look a little like:

"When they say light's a wave, that's no surprise."

Of course, this is all personal preference I'm talking about here, and your style is your style! Now, the last thing I'd like to note for now would be the entirety of line 6, which goes a little like:

"As if it were nothing, not that great,"

The actual sore thumb, the Achilles heel of the whole poem... it lies here. You see, every line in this poem has 10 syllables. This one barely clocks in at 9. I'm not sure what literary device you'd use to kick this line up to 10, but I'm sure it can easily avoided by adding a conjunction between the two ideas... like so:

"As if it were nothing or not that great,"

Well, yeah. That wraps up everything I wanted to review about this poem. It's a very good piece, and I really love how you capitalized the word "Science" every time, like one would do for a religion, like Judaism, for example. This is truly masterful writing, and I expect to see much more soon. Until next time, Gummy~

Pen here, with a review ^^

This poem is really good. I say no problems with grammar or spelling, but I really liked it. It's beautifully written. And it starts strong and ends strong. I can relate it to how I feel now, and what I think about my days as a seven-year-old wanting Tink to make me fly, if I only believed.
Now that I've grown, I know that it's not going to happen, and it's because science has disproved this with theories and formulas that completely obliterated the child within me.
This poem really struck a chord with me, and I do really love it.
If you don't mind, I'm going to post my favorite lines below.

"Science has made our moon a stone that hangs

Up in the sky. Our sun is just a ball

Of fire that floats through its celestial trail. "

and

"Because our Science says we know it all.

The days of magic and fey are all gone,

Lost to the acid mist of our pursuit

Of knowledge, a thing more precious than our

Imagination, which has shriveled up

And died, the magic lost. No more fairies,

No more elves—Science reigns supreme o’er all."

These were my honest to goodness favorites. I honestly believe that you can achieve a lot just through simple poems such as this. Er, not that it's simple. Your use of vocabulary is what makes this poem all the more enjoyable.
Anyways, Good job, and keep writing!
~Pen