Love is Logical

Hi there,

Now, don't get me wrong, my first thought was that it was a little 'love lost' cliched, but I'm going to put that to one side because it's already been mentioned 2/3 times and you don't need that criticism again. It's more valuable to you if I add something different.

I really liked the way it was laid out, I felt the broken stanzas reflected your broken relationship with whoever you're talking about.

This stanza here:

'But it was. I was the first
To show interest
In her. That was my fault.
That was what I did.'

I quite liked it because you're blaming yourself because it's easier than blaming her/him for what happened between you two. It's an idea that's been done before, but it never really gets old because everyone understands the concept of self blame.

The only thing I can really add is that I thought the idea has a lot of potential, as all broken-heart poems do, but you might want to work on your execution a little. Try to make your poem stand out from other people's and it won't be so cliche. Read more poetry, lots more.

Obviously, there's a reason love is so cliche, because it affects so many people. Think about that, think about how love is a universal concept and people have felt the way you feel before.

Also, you may want to consider describing your relationship in a more specific sense, what made your relationship different from everyone else's?

Keep writing though, because honestly, the past teacher is practice.

H.L.P

Ok, so love is one of those themes that makes or break a work. Here, unfortunately, I think it breaks it.
When I started reading, I realised within the space of the first few lines that the writer is going to discuss some very cliche ideas, such as....
'I can’t stand. I’m crumbling,
Lost because she’s gone.
Oh, she hasn’t left, just spurned...'


and I would have preferred to see a more original take on this.

I like the formatting and the font. The punctuation accentuates the structure of the lines well, however the way the content has been presented was rather boring in my opinion.
I hope I am not being too harsh, I just feel that you could do more with this piece. Add in new metaphors, make up phrases, coin new terms, put your own unique spin on love and what it means to you personally. Be more graphic.

Anyways.

Keep writing.

~BSF

Hi,rikki for a review.
This is a nice piece of poetry written.
It is very light hearted and somewhat true considering the unfaithful nature of people nowadays.
It could really touch someone's heart and someone can draw motivation from this.

I liked a few lines or perhaps a few paragraphs of the context.
"I can’t stand. I’m crumbling,

Lost because she’s gone.

Oh, she hasn’t left, just spurned

My heart for another’s."

This is heart breakening.

"But it was. I was the first

To show interest

In her. That was my fault.

That was what I did."

This is something which needs to be avoided by any sensible next generation youth.

"She may have changed,
But I haven't. I

Still love her, and am

Lost without her."

This is very touching and depicts signs of addiction over something loved dearly.

Overall , a good read and it's pretty decent.
Keep writing.
All the best,mate.