I can hear words again, though school muted them.
They’re alive.
They’re not dead, lifeless things you move around
On a page.
They breathe, they thrive, they gasp, they cry.
.
Mechanical, technical, processional thought,
Science and lifeless and rubbish and rot.
The words used to flow, and now they do not.
The heartbeat of words—a sound I’d forgot.
.
But then came a story, with flutter and bang!
They’re back.
The words came screaming and roaring
Silently
Inside of my head, one phrase: They’re alive.
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Hey there! I love your poem. I know exactly how you feel, and in fact I've been going through something similar recently.
I am absolutely in love with your second stanza. The rhyme is great, and it's just the right tone, in my opinion. That is totally how I feel about school - it suck the life out of words.
I'm somewhat less enamored by your other two stanzas, though. They're good, but I just have a couple suggestions for improvement.
I'd get rid of the second "They're" and just have the sentence start with "not." The repetition makes it a bit chunky. I'd also change school to something more elaborate/metaphorical - I know it's literally what happened, but the tone of that line just doesn't fit the piece.
This is a great way to end the poem. There's just a couple things I'd suggest. First, I'd change "Inside of my head" to "into my head." I think it fits better with "came screaming and roaring."
Something about "a story" didn't ring right for me. To me, in order to have a story, the words would already need to be back. Perhaps "an idea" would work in place of "a story"?
And that's all I've got. Excellent poem, I enjoyed reading it.
Good luck and keep writing!
Heya!
I really liked this poem. I love how you explain that the words are there no matter the amount of suppression. Good work.
Everyone else already said the forgotten thing so take that into account.
Other than that one little detail...YAY!
Really good. Keep on writing, Bud!
Dtrainnnyyyyyy xoxo
Hey.
Okay so, you just voiced out what millions of young writers feel
"The heartbeat of words—a sound I’d forgot" I think it should be "The heartbeat of words- a sound I forgot" OR "The heartbeat of words—a sound I’d forgotten" But the second one won't rhyme so nay.
That was the only glitch, you used great words for expression, liked that. Though you could add a bit more, I'd love reading more of it
Good job.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Hello. I read the poem, I liked it and I just had to post a review.
I believe that everyone's perception of a work of art is different, so I may not have interpreted this piece the same way others might.
I have assumed that the narrator is you, and that the undead words are yours. School somehow made you neglect your art, perhaps it kept you too busy, or it made you depressed.
Whatever it was, and whatever used to be is no longer. You have found your calling, or your inspiration. Whatever weight related to school that was bringing you down is now lifted, and you are set free.
I suppose I like this poem because I can relate to it, and I think many others would as well.
"The heartbeat of words - a sound I'd forgot." I think you should change "forgot" with "forgotten", for grammatical purposes. Since there are no characters, I do not think there is an excuse for using the past tense of the verb instead of the past participle. Either way the rhyme remains intact.
I wish you a nice day.