I had it coming. I really did.
I should have seen it coming,
But I chose not to.
Wishful thinking, that.
All cynics were once kind,
Until they were burned,
Turned brittle by the heat.
“Thanks for the memories, it was fun,
But I’m not sure that you’re the one.”
That’s what she said.—
A phrase t’ain’t funny no more.
I was her first, and she was mine.
I made her feel special,
But the feeling left, and so’d she.
Being the first hurts. It means
You make someone realize
They can be liked, and the
Moment you do, they’re gone.
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139,565 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Such a touching poem.
Love it
Keep writing!
Hey there, review time!
There is so much honesty and feeling to this piece, and it really struck me deep. I know that I've evoked the kind of pain that you capture here, which makes me sad. He was my first, I was his. The difference was, he never made me feel special, but did open my eyes to the fact that I was noticed, was admired. I wished he'd made me feel special, but instead I felt stuck, and still felt terrible ending it. So this piece was really hitting that experience home.
Well, now that I've gotten all the sappiness out, the piece is so well written, as well as being so personal for many people. I especially like
"All cynics were once kind"
That's a very interesting perspective, but a good one.
All in all, everything about this was very well-written and simply lovely. Keep it up.
Wow, this has earned you a follow from me! :O
Amazing piece of work, you had emotion behind it and it was just fabulously written.
The way you added speech as well, that really had a big impact as I find it really hard to do that, but you did it perfectly.
First line captivating: Check.
Last line rounds off poem: Check.
Content fabulous: Check.
My favourite lines were by far:
"You make someone realize
They can be liked, and the
Moment you do, they’re gone." That was very nicely written and was sad too, which is good as that means you've communicated with the reader's emotions which is pretty darn hard to do! xD
Although, I think in the line: "Turned brittle by the heat."
You could get a better word than "heat" in there, just to add more power and maybe link it to the loss, just so that you've sort of woven both factors into one line...?
Nice work though, I love it!
-CFG
The beginning definitely had a strong hook to catch the reader's attention and the the closing was well put; however, I found that the second and third stanzas of the poem didn't fit. There was plenty of detail, but it seemed like a completely different kind of detail from the rest of the poem.
I thought that when you used " t'ain't " in the third stanza it made for a very nice touch. I don't know if it was intentional but it gave me the sense that her words have tainted you in a way.
All in all, great poem. Keep up the good work!
Uncletyoyo here doing the review..
I must say, this piece is really thought provoking. Great work on it.
I like particularly the last part..really cool ending..
maybe just a tiny point of notice that struck me as I read through your work..i think in my own mans opinion, your poem,well, lacked a bit more detail..you would have maybe told us a little more on how you met your 'first' and how maybe you spent your times with her or him..and maybe what made that person leave you in the initial place..poetry needs catchy phrases too too. They help the reader picture the scenario more in an intriguing way.
but all in all..that was a good piece..keep up the good work! Well done