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Text version -
roiling; a sea in my head
beating; such things in my mind
swinging by a thread;
eternal trespass in my soul;
spent my life chasing a horizon
such an incursion on my time
"its the only way"
breathe into me; etched;
forever waiting for something to rescue me
restless pacing
pacing pacing pacing pacing pacing
words with no escape
teach me how to free myself
etched, carved, designed;
born for my path;
unable to verbalise;
what freedom might mean to me;
lone sailor on the sea
adrift; unmoored without my stars
watching waiting forever deliberating
weighing choosing considering
"what freedom means"
my path lain out in front of me
the only map; cemented
the only route charted
prosperity;
prosperity:
my path mapped for me
what lies beyond
does my curiosity define me;
restless restless restless does my prosperity chain me
"let me see the stars"
i chose my path
i set out to sea
i believe; i believed
i chose my path it was given to me
winds blowing the sea choppy i brave the storms that lay before me;
pacing pacing pacing pacing
waiting for land to arrive
is it suffocation that claws at me; or is it
the restless waiting for a destination long in the waiting
"patience"
me; it was me;
i set forth
it was me;
i took the map
i chose this road;
why question myself now
the wind blows but one way
i see my destination
so close
such everlasting distance lies between me
my pain comes but from wherein
patience patience patience patience
pacing pacing pacing pacing
"leap of faith"
Hello again canopy!
This poem kind of has a restless energy to it. The use of repetition stands out, as well as the central image of this person being a "lone sailor" going on a journey. I interpret the speaker as having an internal crisis throughout the poem about the path on which they will "sail". They describe the path as something that has been set out for them but gradually convince themself that they chose it. The path seems to be one of "prosperity", so perhaps something that will give them material riches, when maybe they want something else. They ultimately perservere in getting to their destination and describe themselves as taking a "leap of faith", but to me, it seems ambiguous as to whether they are really happy.
I'm sure there are other ways to interpret this poem, like maybe the speaker genuinely chose this path but still has doubts. I think I went with my interpretation partly because I love the idea of a speaker convincing themselves to believe something over the course of the poem. Also, the speaker initially seems self-aware that they have been led towards this path:
I really liked these lines, especially since it is the first point in the poem where the metaphor of "sailing" feels more contextualised. (The beginning line "a sea in my head" feels a bit more isolated as an image since it isn't surrounded by more sea imagery.) Being "unable to verbalise" seems to portray the speaker as someone without power, which made me think that perhaps other circumstances or people have determined their future for them.
Through the "i chose my path" lines, which repeat the structure of putting the "i" at the front, the speaker seems to rewrite their own narrative to say that they *did* choose the path they are on. The heavy use of repetition (e.g. pacing pacing pacing pacing) continues to show their turmoil and anxious mood despite them *saying* that everything is fine and they are being "brave", which for me creates the nuanced story of someone convincing themselves that they are doing something they want.
In the first 14 or so lines of the poem, I felt kind of lost in the speaker's thoughts. I could tell they were conflicted, perhaps about their goals ("chasing a horizon") and maybe feeling helpless ("waiting for something to rescue me"), but I couldn't tell much about the context, so it all felt a bit fragmented. I think that could work if you're intending to show how the speaker's mental state is all over the place in their struggles, but after the "born for my path" lines they seem very coherent about what is happening to them, so it felt a bit jarring. Maybe a good poetic question is whether these lines belong at the beginning of your poem or if they might fit elsewhere?
I am also curious about the lines in quotation marks and italics! The formatting choices make them stand out. It makes me wonder who is speaking in those lines, and why they are set apart. So far I've just been interpreting them as part of the speaker's flow of thoughts but that they are things the speaker is emphasizing, but I wonder how you see those lines functioning.
The theme I see a lot of in this poem is autonomy, or how far we are in control of our own lives. I think the ocean is a place where people feel like they lose some sense of control, as it is often up to the weather and the waves where your vessel goes, so the central metaphor of the poem arguably taps into that idea, with the speaker fixating a lot on having chosen their path. The speaker also seems to use their choice to mean that they shouldn't feel doubt or fear, which also hints at a theme of the burden of choice. Even if people are free to choose, it perhaps comes with a heavy sense of responsibility and loneliness, which is seen in how the speaker is alone on their journey.
Overall, I enjoyed the story of this poem. I felt like the speaker's emotions were treated with nuance and depth, and their internal conflict over their choices was interesting to follow. I normally read poems that use a lot of specific details and are set in a particular time and place, so it was interesting for me to read something that seems like it could be in any time or place - the sailor is sailing, but it's not specified if this is a steamship, a motorboat or a raft, for instance.
Hope this helps, and keep writing!
-Lim
Thanks for the review lim!
Hmm interesting point you're brought out here, I get what you're referring to, but I am not very inclined to change the poem. However, it is definitely something I will keep in mind in the future! :3
I think to certain extent it's sort of like a premise to the stanza that follows, (except for the last one which you interpreted correctly as the speaker seeing thier journey as a leap of faith that they chose/made their peace with) but I also sort of saw it as an echo, the speaker repeating what other people have told them. Internalising it.
Thanks again for the review lim!
Hi canopy, I didn’t forget that you’re the first person to write on my wall. So let’s check out this poem of yours :3
I rly like the line full of just the word “pacing” it rly sells some urgent desperation and restlessness!
And the line abt how the narrator cannot verbalise freedom ;( that speaks to me. It also connects to the line earlier abt waiting for rescue. Not only are there no means to talk about freedom, nor is there a motivation for self-rescue. ☹
But it feels like once the sea motive enters the field, the narration gets more hopeful. Instead of waiting for rescue or wallow in this prosperity that chains the narrator, we’re braving the storm, still waiting but this time for land to arrive, we are actively searching now.
I like the throughline of the poem and the repetitions that emphasise!
Uhm shouldn’t it be “it’s the only way” with apostrophe?