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141,064 Literary Works • 673,958 Reviews
Review time woooooo!
One of my favorite parts of this poem is the unique format of the words, the spaces, the way the words jump out of spot is really unique and something I don’t see very often which is pretty cool. I also love how messed up the concept is breaking your own hand with a hammer just for attention it’s super messed up but also quite tragic. There’s some really cool similes too like the twirling the hammer like a strand of hair bit I really liked, but my favorite was the saying bones and sinew was drooling from the hand that’s a cool little personification that I haven’t seen before.
While I do love the unique format I do think there’s some awkward cuts despite it being in still continuing with the same sentence. For example I think the line should be formatted like:
To show them what happened
Not
To show
Them what happened.
Having that jumped mid sentence can feel a little awkward to read.
Also please make sure to capitalize your I’s because that was really bothering me 😭
But all and all, crazy but tragic and cool story, unique format and cool unique language used but minor grammar and format things I think you could touch up on.