The land of Potle was ravaged by fire!!
By fire indeed!
The smoke billowed, darkening yonder skies.
All hope seemed lost, whence came, our saviour.
He came! His talons glinting.
He came! His armour bloody.
He came! His weapon bloodlusty.
He came! To save us all.
Our enemies stood waiting, they watched in awe,
as our hero walked up to their leader.
AND FELLED HIM IN ONE BLOW!!!!!!
We roared and charged behind him then!
Our Great Saviour!!!!
And for him! We sing this Warrior Song!
Our Saviour came from the farm!
Yes he did!
A simple boy, destined for greatness!!
His journey written in the stars!
Toiled he endlessly and forward he came!
When his people called for him so!!
Listen thy listen!
Our Great Saviour came! For him we sing this Warrior Song!
Forward he came! Led us to freedom!
FELLED THE ENEMY IN ONE BLOW!!!
FREEDOM!!!! He bellowed!!
We followed our Great Saviour as he led us!
To Freedom!
To Glory!
To the Future!
So listen thy listen!
Our Great Saviour came! For him we sing this Warrior Song!
Fearless he looked on his perch!
His comb fluttered in the breeze!
His eye flashed with courage!
His claws gleamed!
BAWK! BAWK! BAWK! BAWK! BAWK!
Our Great Saviour screeched!
BUGAWK!!!!!!
He led the onslaught to Freedom!!!!
Beak gleaming he attacked!
Under his leadership we won!!!
So listen, thy listen!
For our Savior we sing the Warrior Song!!
For our Saviour!! Eggxander the Great!!!!!!!
For him who saved Potle!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,079 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hey khushi! Wolfi here for a quick review!
Omg is THIS why you made that poll about what sound a chicken makes? xD
I didn't look at the genres before reading, so you may be tickled to know that I read the first three quarters of this poem with complete sincerity, thinking this great Warrior was a dragon or some other mythical, taloned, armored beast. Even with "our savior came from the farm" I was like, oh nice! we love a good humble rags to riches backstory!
This part cracked me up. I love all the exclamation points throughout the poem - really drives home the goofy exaggeratedness.
The one thing punctuation/structure-wise that I don't love as much is how certain words are italicized. Is it so that we know which word to emphasize? Even if I read it aloud and emphasize those words, though, the cadence doesn't feel quite right.
Like this one, for example:
Darkening I get, but why skies?
Eggxander the Great is a fantastic name. I know there's a lot of chicken lore on YWS - is Eggxander an established character, or did you come up with him yourself? Either way, this warrior song has gone a long way in characterizing this fierce and noble beast!
Might I suggest instead: "Endlessly he toiled, and forward he came!"
Thanks for this one, khushi! Made my morning a little brighter!
yes this was the reason lol I was so confused I had to google it and google wasn't very helpful XD
I don't know all the chicken lore on yws (though I would love to) so I did come with eggxander myself! I thought it would some extra humour
And as far as the italics is concerned, I was trying to make it funnier by italicising random words, as if a chicken was talking, but I get what your saying so I will revisit that when I get the chance. Thanks for the review wolfi!!
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the jinxed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is a Warrior Song praising Eggxander for saving those good citizens of Potle from a horrible war, leading them to victory and prosperity! It is a song that invokes the action of strength and hope, a promise for a better future for Potle!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - No recommendations here! This piece is too emotional for me…
Chocolate Bar - Ah, where do I start? The fact that Eggxander the Great was strong enough to “fell the enemy with one blow”? The fact that the people (or should I say, chickens) of Potle charged at the enemy after Eggxander’s show of courage? Or maybe it’s Eggxander’s claws and loud beak, demanding attention, letting all chickenkind know that Eggxander is THEIR leader who will lead them to safety? Perhaps, my favorite part in this whole song is Eggxander himself and all that he has done.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a very motivational piece. I am moved to tears by how the chickens of Potle were saved by Eggxander and I do hope that with Eggxander as their leader, the town of Potle will thrive. I will sing this Warrior Song whenever I must do something important, so that I may have the spirit of Eggxander with me at all times. Thank you for writing this, it changed my life.
I wish you a splendid day/night! ^v^
Thanks for the review!! I'll be sure to let Hendalf know that his song changed your life! XD
Yay!