Do you ever feel,
like there is tsunami in your chest?
Do you ever feel,
like your heart is heavy with unshed tears?
Do you ever feel,
like you're losing control?
Do you ever feel,
that maybe you're not alright?
Do you ever feel,
like nobody knows you?
Do you ever feel,
judged?
Do you ever feel
alone?
Do you ever feel
like your heart is weighing you down?
Do you ever feel
like your not normal?
Do you ever feel
like you've got nobody to talk too?
Do you ever feel
like you try too hard?
Do you ever feel
like you're hiding who you are?
Do you ever feel
like you're not good enough?
Do you ever feel
like you can't be yourself?
Do you ever feel
overwhelmed?
Do you ever feel
confused?
Do you ever feel
alien?
Do you ever feel
lost?
Do you ever feel
afraid?
Do you ever feel
hurt?
Do you ever feel
like you just want somebody there?
Do you ever wish
for somebody to just hold you?
Do you ever feel
like everybody is judging you?
Do you ever feel
like you want everybody to see your tears?
Do you ever feel
like you want everybody to hear your screams?
Do you ever feel
like your heart is too fast?
Do you ever feel
like you're lonely?
Do you ever feel
like these moods of yours come too often?
Do you ever feel
like all you need is somebody to listen?
Do you ever feel
like all you need is somebody who doesn't judge?
Do you ever feel
like all you need is somebody who is there?
Do you ever feel
like all you need is somebody who knows?
Do you ever feel
like you over analyse yourself too much?
Do you ever feel
like you worry too much?
Do you ever feel
like you stress too much?
Do you ever feel
like shattering things?
Do you ever feel
like screaming?
Do you ever feel
like crying?
Do you ever feel
like letting it all out?
Do you ever feel
like you lie too well?
Do you ever feel
like you don't feel enough?
Do you ever feel
like you feel too much?
Do you ever feel
like if somebody was there, who didn't speak, who listened, who didn't judge, you would be fine?
Do you ever feel,
like all you need is somebody who listens?
Do you ever feel these feelings
and let them all out, alone, and then distract yourself, smile and forget these feelings till they come back again?
Do you ever do this and know,
that this will happen till you find somebody who is there, listening, not judging you?
Do you ever feel
what I feel?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,744 Reviews
Yes, yes I do sometimes feel some of these things.
Some things that I liked:
I really liked how this felt personal. It felt emotional. It felt like your deepest heart. It was authentic, which I absolutely loved. The idea of this poem is amazing, but of course there are areas of improvement.
Some things you could improve:
It felt too slow at times. About three quarters way through the poem, I found myself skipping over the lines that read, “Do you ever feel.” These lines are fine for a while, but after that, I believe it would be better to pick up the pace. Maybe start with these lines, then transition to just the lines with questions, then maybe pack many questions in one line. This keeps the reader’s attention by speeding up the pace, as well as giving a frantic feeling to the poem — as if these lines are pouring out of your heart through a hole that is gradually getting larger. It makes the poem feel distressed, which I believe is what you are going for.
Overall, amazing poem. I am glad a spent time reading this.
Thanks for the review!
Heyo! Horizon (or NoOne) here to leave a short review on your amazing poem!
First Impressions + What I Liked
This was really long, and so emotional. The repetition of “Do you ever feel” gives this poem a sort of rhythm, and while the reader can tell that these emotions are the speaker’s, the fact remains that until the very last line, they’re not facing them head on. It directs the attention at me, which could feel like a plea for empathy/compassion(?).
Your poem starts strong with vivid metaphors and imagery. “heart is heavy with unshed tears” is such a cool line, and could possibly hint at repressed sadness. The clear frustration and desperation in this poem is very clear, and I like how it just transitions from thought to thought, kind of like a rant or the speaker’s stream of consciousness.
These lines were just so relatable. It made me think of how one moment I might be crying and wish I was less easily upset, but another I might feel empty and wonder why I don’t care enough. It’s so contradictory, yet it makes sense.
Areas for Improvement
I don’t really have much complaints, but if I did have any, it’d be that
and
touch on roughly the same ideas. They might be slightly different, but a bit redundant considering how long this poem already is.
Same thing here, worry and stress are have almost the same meanings, just that stress is slightly different and more amped up.
Also very minor grammar problem but if it was actually intentional please go on ahead
here is should be “you’re”
Overall Thoughts
A beautifully written poem that was very emotional. It was very relatable. The third last and second last sentences get longer before ending with a simple “do you ever feel what I feel?”, which was just wonderfully executed. Well done!
Keep writing, and remember to take breaks when needed! Have a nice day/night/it’s sunset or sunrise somehow and you don’t know what to call it?
I’ll stop now.
Cheers,
Horizon
Thanks for the review
Hello fellow writer! Ley here to write a tortoise-y review on this amazing work you've published! This is a new review style that I'm using only for the month of June, in spirit of the Great Tortoise Race! Let's get started, 'shell' we? xD
Shell Start:
Wow, this poem was so relatable and I absolutely loved it. You demonstrated feelings of emotional turmoil, isolation, and loneliness, which I relate to so much. There is so much emotion that leaks out of this piece. Let's get into the details~
Favorite Leaf:
Here are some of my favorite lines:
This stood out to me because I feel exactly the same way. This may not have been what you were getting at, but when I read these lines I imagined doing so much work/trying to fit in, only to get disregarded and looked over-- which I, and I'm sure many others, have experienced as well. It hurts trying to be perfect, which is why I want to tell you that it's okay to be different, that's what makes us unique <3
And of course, the last few lines. I think these were my all time favorites because you now reflected and asked the reader if they relate. This allows me to react, to reflect on the poem and take in account events that have happened in my own life. Amazing job!
Shell Fractures:
I don't have any suggestions for this piece. When It comes to poetry, I don't really think critiquing the formatting, grammar, or anything along those lines is appropriate-- especially because this seems like a super emotional and deep piece to you. Either way, this poem looks great, so there's nothing I'd recommend anyway! <3
Overall:
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this piece with us. It was truly a relatable read. I hope to read more poems like this from you in the future! Have a lovely day.
Thank you for taking the time to read this review! I hope to see you join the race, and keep being awesome! Happy Writing~
Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate it.
Hello there, friend! Ellie here to review this wonderful poem of yours! I LOVE to review poetry, so seeing this in the Green Room makes me so happy! Let's jump right into the review:
This is such a beautiful way to begin the pome and the images in my head are so vivid, right from the start! A tsunami in your chest... that gives me this overwhelmed, contentious, unsettled feeling. The chest is a place of rhythm and repetition, a steady heart beat, muscle, tissue, flesh. But this overpowering tsunami seems to contradict that. It is almost like saying, "your life is out of control, your very heart that gives you life is out of control". You also mention a heart heavy with used tears. That adds to the pain and heaviness I feel in this.
You have a comma after the word feel before 'like nobody' and 'judged', but not after the word feel before alone. Perhaps taking out or adding some commas to regulate when they are used would be helpful.
I really loved this line. It is a long sentence, but to me it symbolizes exactly what is says- so much, too much to handle. This constant cycle and repetition, how long can it go on before it finally breaks and becomes small again?
And I loved this ending:
We finally take it from the 'you feel' to the 'I feel'. This gives the piece a bit of closure and seems to finally settle a bit. It becomes the most personal at the ending, which I really enjoyed. And the fact that is was a question too, even more engaging!
Your friend,
Ellie
Thanks for the review Ellie!