Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
i stare at my hair,
so thin the strands look
so fine, with gaps
people can tell ive had hairfall
they dont shine or fall like lustrous waves
i feel myself tremble,
unshed tears press against my eyes
other women, they arent like this
their hair is perfect
my mind whispers.
the heat is heavy, my world begins to swirl
hot tears spill out my eyes
shame overwhelms me.
i feel like a monster.
i walk out the clinic
heart hammering
my hair glistens in the sun
falling like lustrous waves
i push down this feeling of doubt of panic
i focus on the leers of men as they pass by
the sweet intoxicating feeling of joy,
of validation clouding my gaze.
my fingers trace
acne scars and pimples
dark circles mar my face
i feel myself tremble
tears cloud my eyes
other women, they aren’t like this
they have clear skin
soft and delicate
the feeling of shame overpowers me
i collapse into myself
i feel broken.
i feel like a monster.
i walk out the clinic
heart hammering
shielding my face
it glistens like porcelain
it hurts to smile.
i push the thought away
i focus on the leers of men as they pass by
the sweet intoxicating feeling of joy,
of validation clouding my gaze.
the clothes enclose me
tight
squeezing the air out of my lungs
suffocating
tears streak my face as i wrestle with my clothes
other women, their bodies arent balloons
they don’t struggle
theyre pretty
i hear myself sobbing,
shame wracks my body
even starvation doesn’t help me.
i feel guilty.
i feel like a monster.
i walk out the clinic
heart hammering
wearing new clothes
medicines tinkle in my bag,
replacements for all the organs ive given away.
i feel panic, spikes of fear
memories arise, i push the thoughts aside
i focus on the leers of men as they pass by
the sweet intoxicating feeling of joy,
of validation clouding my gaze.
i stare at my body
following the trail of hair
on my arms on my legs
even on my breasts
i look at my skin
uneven
i look at my swimsuit
trembling shaking
tears press against my eyes
other women, they arent like this
they arent disfigured
theyre porcelain
my mind whispers
humiliation floods me
self hatred surfaces,
i feel like a monster.
i walk out the clinic
heart hammering
my skin glistens like glass
smooth and hairless
i cant feel the wind
can’t feel my skin
i shove away the nausea
i focus on the leers of men as they pass by
the sweet intoxicating feeling of joy,
of validation clouding my gaze.
my memory haunts me
my laughter echoes in my head
loud wild
boisterous awkward
i begin to quiver
other women, they arent like this
their laughs are soft
melodic
pretty and charming
humiliation closes my throat
i remember the comments
hot tears streak my cheeks
i feel like a monster.
i walk out the clinic
heart hammering
reapplying my lipstick
i feel the change
i remember the sample laugh i bought
it makes me smile
i can barely talk, my voice is a husk.
i focus on the leers of men as they pass by
the sweet intoxicating feeling of joy,
of validation clouding my gaze.
ive been fired
im without a job
i remember why
i remember pushing away my boss
i remember fighting
i remember feeling angry
feeling indignant.
other women, they arent like this
they don’t get fired
theyre perfect
my mind whispers
i remember chatter
a new clinic
that could alter your brain
your thoughts
your reactions
i inhale a deep shuddering breath
tears spill out my eyes
shame overwhelms me.
i stare at my mirror
shiny hair falls in lustrous waves,
porcelain skin, clear and delicate,
perfect figure perfect laugh
red eyes and tear streaked face
she’s beautiful
i feel like a monster.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,744 Reviews
Hi! I am a woman and I related to this. Where I am from women are treated more like objects than people. The realization that every girl you pass on the street can wish to be you is depressing, although I say this I have also wished to be someone else. You speak the truth. We have been taught to be perfect and pretty. That's what men want right? Wrong, every woman is beautiful in their own way. You don't realize it but some girls have wished to be you too. There is my little rant now onto my review. There are grammar mistakes. Although I believe you probably wrote this while feeling the pain and anger, it doesn't fix the grammar. I think that's my only issue with the post. Now onto my favorite part, complimenting your amazing writing. When you say, "I feel like a monster." over and over again it sinks in deeper every time. Women are viewed as pretty objects to look at and when they don't fit the people's standards they are considered ugly so when you say, "I feel like a monster." it's the words of many women's feelings. You change the woman a lot in the story but in the end they still believe they're a monster and that is realistic to the woman of this world.
-Walker34
I hope this helps you in some way. <3
Thanks for the review. All grammar mistakes were intentional.
Then the poem is amazing!
Hey, there! Avi here with a review
Before I start the review, I want to give you big virtual hugs. Women are constantly being pitted against each other, told that we need to be better than each other. We are constantly comparing ourselves to the other women we've seen- whether we see them as prettier or smarter or more athletic or more successful- and we try to measure our worth through the eyes of the men who leer at us. (Beautiful word choice, by the way; a perfect description of the disgustingness of men who believe they are entitled to us.) We try to gain others' approval and validation, and it's so hard. You are not a monster, sweetheart. You are just a woman, the same as me.
Now, review time! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
^^I kind of put all of my Top Graham Cracker into my point above, but I'm willing to drill it home a second time. "other women, they aren't like this" always repeating, then at the end, you become what you saw in the other women, and not being yourself and instead being them makes you feel like a monster. At least, that's my perspective. Either way, any message that comes from this poem is beautiful <3
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
"i stare at my hair,
so thin the strands look
so fine, with gaps
people can tell ive had hairfall
they dont shine or fall like lustrous waves
i feel myself tremble,
unshed tears press against my eyes"
I don't know if there's supposed to be any other punctuation here to further emphasize the meaning and make it more clear. I had a bit of trouble understanding "so thin the strands look". Is it like
"i stare at my hair
so thin, the strands look
so fine"?
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I love the repetition of the specific phrases!
("i feel like a monster" at the end of stanzas 1, 3, 5, 7, and (technically) 11;
"i walk out the clinic
heart hammering" at the beginning of the others;
"i focus on the leers of men as they pass by
the sweet intoxicating feeling of joy,
of validation clouding my gaze." at the end of the clinic stanzas.)
They really drill the point home, in my opinion.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
This poem is wonderful. My only tip would be to add a few commas throughout the poem where they feel fitting. Great writing!
<333, Avi
Thanks for the review!