i wait in Chernobyl's gift shop

Text Version :


there is something so | silently
morbid about | disquiet about the way
seeing yourself destroyed and | being brought back to life
watching people fill your cracks with tar | doesn’t help because you’ve
so that they can drive over you | already learnt all the ways in
and revel in the | which you can
secondhand euphoria of | hurt
survival. | yourself.

i never thought i would | new bodies do not
fall to the temptation of | help
whoring out my pain but | because you’re
seeing how quickly it sells | still infected with
i seem to have been | the same pathogen
persuaded. | that mars your dna

i see the glint of | time is supposed to
the broken shards of my | fix it all
sanity | but
scraping against my skin. | you never have enough to
the blood seeping out feels | really understand that
like the only thing keeping me warm | time is a privilege for
in this world of frost; | for those who
my breath fogs in front of my eyes | breathe in the sun and
and i can | dance to the
feel my walls crumbling | merry tunes
as i see | of the moon.
giddy faces of | both the night
curious interlopers | and the day
poking at my wounds | belongs to them
for amusement as they | then how shall
oooh and ahh about | there be any space
how “Pretty everything is really! Once you look past the hard stuff.” | for me

i don’t want my | i crawl among brambles and
pain to be poetry i would | lay down over the thorns
much rather be | i’ve lost so much blood that
happy and ugly like a | a little more seems naught
discordant harmony | running running running
so | always escaping i
unused to being | do not know how to
enjoyed and | stand on my feet
snared like a | without falling
white tiger in a cage | no one ever
because my pain should not be | taught me how to
a mural you gaze at | walk or
but in this world where | how to speak
we are | i can only scream
raised to be unchanging | at the night sky
what other choice do i have | because then; no one can see me

worth so much more unhappy | sometimes i feel like
than sane | i’m being hunted by
like an oddity revered for things that | a creature that
hurt me i | lives in my mind
feel like the grim reaper | punishing me for sins
in a room of gods | that i
who | do not remember.
foolishly imagining themselves exempt | does it glean
toss around her scythe like | satisfaction i wonder or
it’s a toy | does it not feel enough
because they are in love | to care.
with the idea | i
of | do not know
beauty in pain and grief | which i would prefer.

you may admire my scars | i think there was a
and see in them a | time once
tapestry but | when i
i know better as i | would sob is pain and
see that pain is a | ache for release but
grey tinted glass and | now
it makes joy look like a failing. | this hamster wheel has become home.

Hello!
I Really liked this poem, it made sense to me X)
I really liked that it was two poems in one, but they still belonged together.

I really have no critisism for this so I'm just going to compliment you ^w^

First of, I really like the name. It really got me curious to read what your poem was about.
You had a really good flow throughout the whole thing and it was really a fun detail to add the black half. It made it more fun to read in my opinion. The last absolute last part " this hamsterwheel has become home " Was very smart and it was a great metaphor!
I liked the first part very much. I don't know why it was just so good.
You are an amazing writer and I will definitely read more of your works!
love <3
/ Rxket

this was such a heart breaking poem :'(
maybe u meant something else by your poem, but to me it meant how the society has coded our minds to constantly strive for hard-work. u have to focus on your studies, then careers, and always push forward in life. we seldom remember to enjoy the small things in life, and do something we really enjoy
also I loved the layout of your poem, the plain text and the darkly highlighted text next to it presenting two points-of-view. the last stanza literally scattered my heart; the comparison u make of pain as a tinted glass that blurs the perks of happiness is just next level <3
your work is such an inspiration to try and break out this hamster wheel :]. i look forward to reading more of ur work <3

idk how to do reviews but I'll try my best
First of all this community is beautiful and feels like a safe space. Second of all this poem caught my attention because of the theme and the way it's written, it's quite distinctive from other amazing poems and proses that I've seen here.
I love the way you describe it, I would love to know more about the hows and why's of the title of the poem which also undoubtedly caught my eye.
I also like how sh is not sugarcoated but expressed through explicit phrasings
My favourite line is probably "I don't want my pain to be poetry" but here we are expressing the pain in the poem and the sense of helplessness that comes with it
There are a lot of interesting imageries and metaphors that donot fail to disappoint.

I struggle with sh and passive suicide so the line "I'm haunted by a creature that lives in my mind, punishing me for sins that i donot remember" felt very personal.

In the end I hope it's not written based off of your personal experience fellow awesome writer, and if you are then I hope things get better for you. Keep writing, stay strong.