Icarus and Sisyphus Guide Me Home.

Text Version:

i think about arrogance
and how the fear of my ruin haunts me
so much further than just the grave.
arrogance can destroy me; i know

so: i live my life in fear.
i spend
every waking moment twisted
bent over in this never-ending quest
to escape this potential hubris.

arrogance is the
obsession with self i think
the belief that
you cannot be harmed.
and so, i
hate myself because
how can i be arrogant if i
don’t even like myself.

i have learnt that this is the way
to stave off this beast that
melted Icarus’ wings
and made his father watch
as he tumbled into the sea

i do not know how to swim either
so i must keep this wax together

i punish myself
for breathing and for eating
for walking and for thinking
existence is pain i’ve
taught myself and
i must do my time
bend my head in penance

push that boulder up that hill
watch it roll back down
push it back up again
again
again again again again again again again again again again
i make the same mistake over and over and over
and i somehow don’t learn any better
i fail
i fail fail fail fail fail
and i hate how
i cannot do anything right so i
don’t wait for
the blow to come from
someone else i
strike myself.

my self-hatred is survival
when i loathe myself i am
only
keeping my feet on the ground.

hubris makes you think you can
get away with anything so i
punish myself for everything.

and it hurts like
hot wax on my arms and
the slap of the sea shredding my skin
the burning of my body as i
push the weight of this
ritual up my hill
the tears streaming down my face
as i cry for rest and
salvation
from this self-inflicted torture that
treats me as
arrogant.

all this punishment and it
still doesn’t work

there is no Zeus to keep me in check
so i must be both the prisoner and
the jailer
i am the whip and
i am the horse

crumpled over
a husk of who i
was born to be at
least i
know that
i was never
ruined by my arrogance
it was
my comfort in this home of
conflating awareness with hate

it shall be written on my
early grave that
i died without really living.

Hia canopy,
I realise there’s been a few works abt Greek Mythology posted in a short time frame. Must have been really popular in April for some reason—and I love it~

Love this phrasing: “and how the fear of my ruin haunts me“

I feel like a few words in this poem read a bit too cumbersome to me? Like the flow is not quite there because of it? Like f.e. “potential hubris” is something I get stuck on when reading bc it doesn’t seem to fit for me?

I love the personification of hubris as a beast (melting wings etc); that’s a very cool way to show the concept!

Regarding the name of the poem and now that I have read it, I like how the title reflects the poem. As in, Icarus might have had a bad fate in his story, but you, the lyrical narrator, can use this as a guide for safe travel. Knowing not to fly close to the sun, keeping the way together etc!

Ohh and the formatting on “some else so I // strike myself” that is haunting and powerful!!
It kinda feels like while Icarus is a kind of positive guide, the lyrical narrator didn’t really take the right lessons from Sisyphus. I don’t think that man is pushing that boulder up that hill as a metaphor for self-hatred

All I can say is that each of the lines, as you summarise and relate the experiences of Icarus and Sisyphus, are extremely distressing to read, so good job on that front! Especially the lines abt self-inflicted torture and being both jailor and jailed… Ahh!

That final line is so sad. I feel like someone who struggled so much had to have done at least some living in between right?



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this is a really pretty and also incredibly devastating and raw piece! i really admired how you used greek mythology to illustrate your point, at times even becoming these mythological figures, which supports the idea that this struggle is too big for you, too crushing.
unfortunately, i can relate to the feeling of the push and pull of arrogance and self hatred, so this piece hit. i think you did a very good job of illustrating how these qualities and struggles show up in yourself, while also making it relatable to others. this creates a magnetism that ensures people read your entire poem, as it is a long one.

some favorite lines (there are so many):
-"i/ hate myself because/ how can i be arrogant if i/ don’t even like myself." this is probably the line that encapsulates the entire piece. in such few words you've created almost a catch-22 of sorts: your self hatred comes from the hatred of hating the self. it's also just a really pretty line in general.
-"my self-hatred is survival/when i loathe myself i am/ only/ keeping my feet on the ground." + "hubris makes you think you can/ get away with anything so i/ punish myself for everything." honestly quotable i don't know what to say.
-"all this punishment and it/ still doesn’t work" i love how this is isolated from the long bits of text before it. it creates a pause for breath in your piece, which is vital because it stacks such heartbreaking imagery without much prior pause.
-"there is no Zeus to keep me in check/ so i must be both the prisoner and/ the jailer/ i am the whip and/ i am the horse" this is such a vivid paradox, which recreates tension after the short breath before. as someone who likes greek mythology, this is devastating. honestly, i think your shorter, more compact lines are some of your best. this is because each line exists as part of a whole, instead of fighting with each other for control like some of your longer lines.
-"it shall be written on my/ early grave that/ i died without really living." this is such a good way to close out this piece. you transition from these ideas of self-hatred and arrogance to the way it prevented you from living while you were alive. it ends the piece with a lingering feeling, of what i'm not exactly sure.

also, the pushing the boulder section and it's phrasing is honestly amazing. it switches up the formatting, and the repetition does more for the imagery than the actual words do.

some lines that possibly need work:
-"arrogance can destroy me; i know" this feels slightly jarring from the way you are setting this piece up. previously you had established a tone of inevitability. after reading this full piece, it feels even more out of place, because again, the tone of inevitability is so prevalent in your piece, in almost all of your metaphors. maybe change "can" to "will", for the easiest fix? or rewrite the line entirely.
-"every waking moment twisted/ bent over in this never-ending quest/ to escape this potential hubris." while this is good, it stacks three phrases of the same "adjective + noun" variety (waking moment, never-ending quest, potential hubris). this makes the line feel a bit dense, and hard to read. i would suggest separating these into multiple lines, with more room to breathe in between.
-"so i must keep this wax together" this feels a bit out of place, and although the reader has probably grasped that you are talking about icarus, wax probably isn't the best way to show it. maybe add in something that establishes the connection between you and icarus.
-"self-inflicted torture that/ treats me as/ arrogant." this, while pretty, seems very vague and grammatically (within the context of the piece) questionable. the torture is not treating you as arrogant, the torture is inflicted because you treat yourself as arrogant.

a critique on the piece as a whole: i've noticed that some of your line breaks feel inserted rather then felt (if that makes sense). that's not a bad thing, just something i noticed. maybe just go through once more and look over each line to make sure it's what you want .

overall: i'll be thinking about this one for a long, long time (in the best way, i promise). some of these lines will be going in my quote book. one of the prettiest pieces i've seen in a while.