i try harder

okay, before i say anything, the structure speaks to me. that HAS to be my favourite thing about this poem. the metaphors of being in the sky is eye-opening and beautiful. the line "the golden waves pour over me" ate me up and spat me out because this is what poetry is. i also like how this kind of challenges conventional poetry writing and writing on paper, with its unique structure and writing. also the line "i see the rest of the world for the first time" pulled strings in my heart, like an awakening. it feels so relevant and real in this world of competition and struggle for survival. the metaphor "tumble out of the sky" kind of emphasizes the exhaustion, where at one point you literally just fall. overall, i find this unique and pulling, never stop writing, i loved this.

I love the poem structure. To me it speaks even more than the words.

I love this so much. It feels like they are too exhausted. Tried too much, crossed the line? idk how to describe- it's really touching. There's so much profesionalism in this, the style and everything feels perfect. Though as an artist, I believe nothing is perfect, there's nothing that feel out of space here. This piece is truly amazing <3

Oh my goodness, this is way deeper than I expected. As a person who doesn't really like poetry, this really hit home and blew me off my feet. First, your basic premise for your poetry is cool, trying harder and harder to achieve. Although it may be a bit overused in poetry, I don't really mind with this one. The fact that you use italics makes it better as well, painting a picture of thoughts instead of regular speech. And your format, It makes it feel like you are really falling down, further and further into a peaceful but sad despair.
Overall, it was stinking amazing.

Hello, My Friend!

Hi Canopy! I noticed this piece in the Green Room and got excited to read more of your lovely poetry, so here I am with a quick review. Hope you don't mind!

To start, this is A-MA-ZING. I absolutely love the unique format you went with, with each line being so disjointed in its alignment. It created this feeling of frustration, almost madness, like someone losing their composure after too long "trying" things the "right" way (and boy does that fit the theme!). Speaking of the theme, it feels like such a sadly relatable struggle. Try, try, try, try, try harder until you can't try anymore, then try some more. And sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. And when it doesn't...man does it suck.

*ahem* As far as recommendations go, I have none! This is too cool as-is!

For favorite parts and lines, I would have to start by saying that I love the repetition. It really makes you think of that cycle of slipping up or missing your goal, and having to go back to square one. Again, and again, and again, not knowing when that final goal will appear, nor if it will. And considering how hard repetition can be to get right in a lot of work, this is awesome, kudos to you for pulling that off!

the heat sears

my arms tire

i try harder

higher and higher

the golden waves pour over me

bright

my head spins

giddy

higher and higher

the heat burns

i melt

apart

fall apart

tumble out of the sky

i fall

Hello! Your piece caught my eye due to the page poem style! These kinds are so rewarding to write, and the act of taking up the space you have is a wonderful way to convey a feeling.

I love the way you dropped the entire conclusion of your poem to the bottom after the word “fall.” The act of breaking up your words and using that jarring enjambment really conveys the blinding, overpowering emotion the speaker is experiencing. I also like that it isn’t fixated on what this problem is, exactly. Readers from everywhere are able to incorporate their own experiences into this piece, which leads to an intimacy they have with the work. Whether it be out of anger, or fear, or joy, it doesn’t matter, your words are so physical and raw that it could be anything.

I could imagine writing this poem was very cathartic solely on the form but also for whatever provoked you to write it. Using the page is a very underrated form of poetry. Have you ever done a concrete poem, a poem where the words themselves make a recognizable image?

I love the erratic, aerial style of this piece. The way you have to physically “fall” with the speaker shows imagination in your work, and that’s awesome!

“I see the rest of the world for the first time”

Wonderful last line. Again, a reader could insert their own emotions into these words, leaving it a very versatile and easy read because instead of combatting against their own feelings it invites them in. A lot of the time that kind of combat is a wonderful and beautiful thing, but poems like these are very inviting and powerful as well.

Thanks for posting!