Inhale.
same loop of old arguments
will we ever tire
of the same tears
of giving breath to the same pains
rekindling old hurts like a phoenix
rising again from the ashes.
Exhale.
remind myself again;
no not this.
not again
we moved passed this, i think
im over this
this isn’t healthy
Inhale.
i still fester in that old water
rotting.
i feel the tips of my petals withering
so much for growth, so much for healing.
will i never move past this?
these words you’ve forgotten you’ve said
these scars im not sure even i can see
are they even real?
or do i just long for pain
to justify myself
Exhale.
time heals all they say
or do you just forget why you were hurting
does the red fade from your eyes
or do you remember to keep breathing
Inhale.
quivering like a leaf in the wind
i am just that
harmless.
weak.
insignificant.
that’s why we’re here aren’t we?
reopening old wounds
with precision that comes with practice
you don’t even realise it
or maybe its just me.
im alone in this endeavor.
i cant even tell if im justified anymore
Exhale.
breathe breathe breathe
calm myself down
why must i live in the past
reliving old jabs
a movie played out on a grainy screen
watched by me
encased in amber
preserved
unable to grow
Inhale.
i live my life in a loop
the ever same cycle of
happiness and pain
relapsing to my grievances
i want out
Exhale.
i yell at you
fierce in anger and my hurts
but it’s not real.
Inhale.
it never is.
Exhale.
always a fantasy in my head
never whispered aloud
furious lonely tears down my cheeks
till i run out of steam
Inhale.
its always the same.
perhaps its i who need to change
but i can never have the courage to speak aloud
i know youll convince me what i think is not true
and im too far gone right now to know
if what you say is real
it probably is
what does that say about me?
Exhale.
but ill add this to the litany of things
i could never say to you
thoughts which return to haunt me every time we argue
lingering in my head
wondering if youll surprise me like you sometimes do
and listen.
but courage is in short supply
and my rage tires me
so i sleep.
i know ill think this again.
some things never change
Inhale.
Exhale.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,744 Reviews
The whole presentation is quite nice, and at the end there's no text, only breathing, kind of like the narrator has innately realized the futility and is too tired to care, so they just stop and focus on regulating their emotions.
Also the first three paragraphs on the left start with mentions of elements, which is cool. Would've loved if you had one for winter too, something about bitterly cold feelings. You then continue with mentions of loops and then entertain the idea of change, which really continues the whole 'seasons' vibe. I have no idea if this is on purpose or not, but even if it's not, its really impressive the subconscious level of prose-mastery you've reached to create and sustain themes randomly.
"rekindling old hurts like a phoenix
rising again from the ashes."
"quivering like a leaf in the wind"
the simile usage is quite brilliant.
I love how you've maintained continuity between sophisticated musings and disconcerting rushes of feelings.
"a movie played out on a grainy screen
watched by me
encased in amber
preserved
unable to grow"
Grow here also implies personal growth, to not keep on repeating patterns. absolutely loved this bit and the prose is just so, so wonderful.
As usual, the rich diction makes this a joy to read, very lovely <3333
Thanks for the review!
First of all, I absolutely love this formatting.
I will admit I don't think I've seen this kind of formatting being used for a poem before, and even if I have, I don't think it's left as much of an impact as it did in yours.
I attempted to follow along with the inhaling and exhaling, and, embarrassingly enough, I failed. HOWEVER, just reading it was enough to deeply feel each breath.
The cycle and development of the poem are admirable. It's messy in an enclosed way, which reminds me of breathing itself. So much is happening in one breath.
It's a horrible cycle to keep going through, especially the doubt that comes through in the middle.
But I believe this poem helped it seem more real to those who are facing something similar.
I had to go back and read it again just because I loved the effect. It really feels like the page is taking a breath.
My only critique would be this;
I'm assuming you meant "from", so I thought I'd point it out <3 (please, correct me if I'm wrong.)
I think it takes raw emotion and true feeling to put out a poem like this, and I commend you for it. Keep it up !! ^^
Thanks for the review! (and welcome to YWS!!
) also yes, that was a typo, good eye! I will go ahead and fix that.
I’m so glad that I’m a fast enough reader that I was able to read this for the first time while synchronizing my breathing to the prompts.
It was a wonderful experience, but now I should probably return to it and read a couple more times more carefully before doing my review.
There are a couple times where you get closer to a rhyme than I’d prefer in a non-rhyming poem, even if it’s often rhymes we usually don’t count as rhymes like withering/healing and hurting/breathing. If there’s a way to reword one each of those pairs that you’d feel good about, I’d recommend it.
Overall, I enjoyed it more and more the more I read it, though. Too relatable.
Really good job.