There was a wind

Dear kohai,
Greetings! I am quite fond of this short story you have written, and I really like how well you have written it! Overall, the ideas represented in the poem are very concise and inspirational, and the plot itself seems well thought-out for something you claim is "not even a story". I do not understand why you don't want people to read it; I, and many others, enjoy this piece you have here. The characters' behaviors seem very realistic, which really improves your plot, and despite the occasional spelling, punctuation, and grammar error, you don't have too many other problems. Felista has covered most of the errors, but there are one or two he/she/they glossed over. One of them can be found often in your story, and it is your lack of apostrophes when referring to something that belongs to the wind. An example is " Its soul would never allow it to stay still." The other error (although this might be personal opinion or you meant it this way) was "My skin was trying to get out of my body." The way you have this phrased, you make it sound like the your character's skin has somehow migrated beneath the muscle and inside their body...? Please rephrase if this is not what you meant. Other than the ones pointed out, I can't really see many errors, so good job!!! Hooray for writing such a lovely short story, and best of luck!

From, chhlovebooks (also known as sempai :3)

Hello, I'm Meerkat here to review this story.

This was really interesting almost from the very beginning. Your writing style has a kind of leading quality that flows from one short sentence to the next, pulling the reader along with it. It was a bit choppy in some spots, but overall the brief phrases lent well to a quick-paced short story such as this one.

I believe that felistia covered spelling, grammar, and punctuation pretty well, so I hope you don't mind if I skip that section.

The narrator had a very determined, focused tone that kept the story progressing well. The passages of description were not too prosy either, keeping in line with the typical sentence length. It's very easy to overdo the use of adjectives, but you have avoided this pitfall. As far as emotion is concerned, I would have liked to see more expression of feeling from the narrator, especially after her strenuous efforts of chasing after the wind were all in vain. To be separated from this wind, whatever it may symbolize, seems to be very understated in how strongly the pain of loneliness is felt.

This brief glimpse into a certain girl's experience of searching had almost a surreal quality to it, and piqued my curiosity as to what it may represent. To chase the wind seems metaphorical, and can ask some deeper questions than those on the surface. While I enjoyed the philosophical, if unhappy ending, the final phrase simply felt flat. I think you could end the story on a stronger or more powerful note that ties your whole piece of writing together.

In all, I really enjoyed reading this. It's an interesting concept and truly made me think after reading it. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work, and encourage you to continue with short stories.

Have a great day, and thank you for writing!

Hi TahaT11n, Felistia here with a review for you.

Story: The story is very intriguing and has a wonderful feeling to it. I like how you lay it out to read almost like poetry, but it is a story at the same time. I really liked the ending. You put a lot of emotion into this work and it has shone through.

Characters: The way you portray the wind and the narrator is excellent. You give the narrator a lot of emotions towards the wind and all of them feel really. They aren't forced.

Description: Your description id great over all, but you do use the same words over and over again in some places like rough for intense. I would advice trying to use different words that mean the same thing like course or sand paper like just as a suggestion.

Small problems: as requested I will point out all the little mistakes.
(Just like this, another wind passed me. Ruffling my hair, SWIRLING my skirt AND drying my eyes.

I stood silent as I watched it pass by. It was flying away saying a calm goodbye. It was different from the other ones. It had a rough touch just like others, BUT the roughness of its touch sent a calm feeling inside me AND it was fast. It came in a calmly fast pace, wrapped me inside it and then left me. Didn't wait for me to say something. I, too, couldn't take a word. Perhaps I had forgotten words and couldn't figure out how to slip them out of my tongue.

When I finally got a hold of my thoughts, it was too late. The wind had already unwrapped me and started to move to the west. Then I couldn't say anything to it. It wouldn't listen even if I screamed. I stood silent, hopeless. 'WHAT DO I DO?' ,I thought. I had something very important to tell to it, BUT how could I pass my words?

I decided to follow it to the west. It was then about two feet away from me. I thought I would be able to catch it if I walked a bit faster, BUT it increased its speed and was going further. I started to run, but I couldn't catch up to it. The only obstacle wasn't my speed. There were more. One was the stone lying on the green bed. I fell down and hurt my hands, BUT no pain could stop me then. I stood up again and started to run.

I followed it wherever it went. From West to North AND then From South to East. Everywhere. At times, I was this close to it, BUT I failed to catch it. Once, it was an inch ahead of me and I stretched my hands out, BUT suddenly another wind pushed it. It went far from me again.

I didn't stop.

If my will is strong and honest, if I try my best, I will of course one day reach it and say it what I have kept within me since that day.

I KEPT ON running. My toes started to hurt, they became red. Still, I went on. Finally, the bitter air of the seasons came. My body was on the verge OF FALLING, BUT my will-power stood still. I went on.

I hoped for the sweetness of seasons after those nights and days of mists. But the sweetness never came. Before it could come to heal me, tremendous heat started to blow. Everything around me started to melt. My skin was trying to get out of my body. But I held it tightly. I was then fighting to live so that I could reach the wind. No food or water made me strong. My will power alone kept me alive.

Then came the cries of the seasons. The sky cried and I got drenched in its tears. It was very cold, the tears of the sky. The view became distant, too. I couldn't keep track of the wind. I lost it. I became frustrated. I looked around and searched for it. I ran through every direction, BUT it was no where to be found. I ran all the time and then one day, the sky became clear. A sun was seen to look at the ground. The wetness HAD gone away AND THE weather became calm.

I looked for the wind again and found it resting under a tree. Maybe it got tired of fighting with the other winds.

It was the chance for me. I couldn't miss it. I had to go near it and tell it. I slowly approached the tree. I tried not to make much sound. I went close to it. Then I silently went inside it. The same roughness crawled over my skin AND I felt that calmness inside me.

It noticed me. It stood up, SO did I. It was confused to see me suddenly. It didn't say anything though. I was not intending to start a conversation either. I just wanted to tell it my feelings.

I whispered in its ears, "I want you."

It listened to me, but didn't say anything. We remained silent for a while. Then suddenly, it vanished. Just disappeared. From my view, from my world. I looked for it everywhere, BUT I never found it.

The wind came to me like all other ones, BUT it left me with a wish. I wanted that wish to be true. I wanted us to be together forever. But no wind would ever stay with a girl like me. It would soar away to wherever it wanted to. Its soul would never allow it to stay still. It would roam around on its invisible wings. It wouldn't care if a girl was hurt, if a girl wet her eyes only because it would never stay still. Winds would always be winds.


I now stand on the same place where I first met that wind. I hope, if I only saw it again and felt that rough calmness.)

I have just fixed all the little missing commas and a few misspelled words. Over all a great story and I look forward to more of your work. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.