z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Rangom Lyric

by TahaT11n, AutoPilot, RadiantShadow


i need to tie a bow tie
but I really like fish on rye
so I try no to sigh
i hope my gf will be alright
And not be swept out in the impending blight
Hopefully she will still have her sight
And pout in her selfie all time
Because she doesnet like things spiced with thyme
Guess she has a large mountain to climb
but, dude, i don't wanna go there to die
Even though I did eat Deans pie
I hope I don't get too high
Cus she won't give me a wild time, it will be a waste
If my life ends before I get a taste
I hope I don't die with haste
But, go to heaven very late
And maybe have a really long wait
Before you can get to that special state
So, i am not gonna buy her drinks
Because I would lose my ability to think
And will unconciously turn pink
But, worse, she might vomit on me
Oh sh-crap I need some tea!
to get rid of this flea!
Shoot! Now I gotta go to pee
What am I doing with my pathetic life?
Trying to deal with this stupid strife?
Suddenly, i get crush on my cousin's wife
Holy crap Im a perverted scut
Now i live in this hut
With nothing but my lust
I forget everything about trust
Because when you left you took my heart
And roasted on Thanks Giving's dinner
And sold it to the story spinner
I have nothing else to say better
I am gonna smoke before sitting on the chair
And sell my soul to pay the player
I like to get hands dirty with clay
Whet the hell are you going to say?
Nothing! Because your words are gone!
Sucked into the void of nothingness
With all the what-ifs and why-nots
The world looks black and long
Lets all just sing along
they say that the world takes forever- and forever is all that I need
and that forever is as long as i live
with my dumb gf and wishes that are unfulfilled
But now with these lines off my heart
My restless mind can now be stilled
And, I will take a break before meal
To watch Tom and Jerry with porpcorn and milk
now please let me sleep in my misery
so, i can dream of cheesey butter chasing me
Too much activitey right before sleep
But I hope I sleep without a peep
Of breaking dawn from the waking world
That may feel very much tough
And calloused feet walking on live coals
like the glassy pain of subsiding love
And glass under the skin from the pain of your words
Thank you for taking my heart
Only to trample it under your blades
as you laugh and drive away in my car
Stranding me in the waves of life
As is an apple.
That fell from tree not on Newton's head
But, hey, don't worry, I will be great!
Cus I get to write lyrics with my awesome frnds. :D

( the serious lines are from AutoPilot! the less serious are from RadiantShadow..and,well, you can guess, the least serious are from TahaT11n )


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15 Reviews


Points: 391
Reviews: 15

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Sat Apr 16, 2016 7:36 pm
blueRaven2239 wrote a review...



And pout in her selfie all time

I would put ALL THE TIME not just all time.
also there are a few I'S that are lower cased when they should be upper case.

And roasted on Thanks Giving's dinner

I would put and roasted IT on thanks giving's dinner.

I like to get hands dirty with clay....

???????? whos hands are we talking about yours or someone else a third party maybe ???

and other then those few details I would change personally I think your song is absolutly great. I would love to see more I like the rap thing going on cause i love rap.

also keep writing and i would love to see more lots more.

best wishes and good luck ;p




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485 Reviews


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Mon Apr 11, 2016 8:26 pm
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Elijah wrote a review...



Well,this is just so funny and interesting.
I honestly did not understand what the heck is that in very beginning but who cares for that.I continued reading and understood what is this all about.You made me laugh okay okay you did.
Overall great job.If It was with capital letters and better punctuation,It could be even more catchy for me but It is still totally okay this way!
Go on and keep on writing!
The tittle really makes you curious.Because there is no way for you to know what you will read.




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75 Reviews


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Sun Mar 27, 2016 12:17 pm
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TZH wrote a review...



Hhehehehehe. Cant stop laughing. Holding my stomach. The theme you chose is awesome. Oh ! I like the penning and its so hilarious. Total fun and silliness. Great job by three of you ! Looking forward to read much more from you all and relieved from sress for a little time. Really appreciate as humour in writing is lacking these days. Thank you for writing. Blessings to you all !




TahaT11n says...


We are glad that our lyric could relieve you from stress even for a little time. :D



TZH says...


I am glad



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284 Reviews


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Reviews: 284

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Fri Mar 25, 2016 9:14 pm
RubyRed wrote a review...



Hahahaha, oh my gosh. This was so hilarious. I couldn't keep myself from smiling. The only problem I have with this poem is sometimes the lines are really short and then sometimes they're extremely long. Also, the capitalization is odd. Sometimes you capitalize "I" sometimes you don't but one's always supposed to. I understand three of you wrote this but it wasn't very consistent. But overall this was good. It made me laugh so I guess that's a plus. My favorite line was:

Oh sh-crap I need some tea!
to get rid of this flea!
Shoot! Now I gotta go to pee


For some unknown reason. Haha, I just had to laugh here. Anyway, keep writing, guys and gal. Stay cool summer's coming!

~Keepwriting ;)




TahaT11n says...


we just wrote whatever came to our mind. so, nothing makes sense here. and i am glad that the writing made you laugh:D



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216 Reviews


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Thu Mar 24, 2016 4:50 am
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DivergentDemigod wrote a review...



Hey there!
This was awesome! I really loved it. The theme was pretty interesting too. Well I guess it should be obvious since taha autopilot and shadow were working together. Anyway it was amazing. But I've still got a couple of nitpicks for you guys.
"i need to tie a bow tie
but I really like fish on rye
so I try no to sigh" I guess the "i " there needs to be capitalized and you should replace that "no" with "not"
"Because she doesnet like things spiced with thyme" I guess you ment dosn't instead of "doesn't"

"I like to get hands dirty with clay
Whet the hell are you going to say?" I seriously love this line! But it should be "what" instead of "whet".

I love the part where you give the tom and jerry reference! You guys seriously rock! Hatts off to all of you!
Fangirl~






Hah oops sorry for the spelling mistake in What! that was my line :D





Never mind the mistakes. This work of yours was freaking awesome!



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125 Reviews


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Wed Mar 23, 2016 9:32 pm
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Songmorning wrote a review...



Wow, that was...interesting. It definitely looks like it was fun to make! Even so, it made me feel rather more depressed and disturbed than amused. I didn't laugh very much, although I read it all aloud! That poor...er, guy. It sounds like he has a pretty sucky life. I spent most of the poem just feeling sorry for him, although I was inspired by a few lines like these ones:

Whet the hell are you going to say?
Nothing! Because your words are gone!
Sucked into the void of nothingness
With all the what-ifs and why-nots

That was pretty darn compelling for a randomosity poem.

Oh, and so was this:
And calloused feet walking on live coals
like the glassy pain of subsiding love
And glass under the skin from the pain of your words

Breathtaking. O_O

I don't really know how much I can criticize this, since it was the product of pure fun and silliness, but I'll do a bit of evaluation anyway. XD

It doesn't have much of a rhythm. While I was reading it, I was unable to pick out any consistent rhythm with my voice, and that just kind of made it jumbled and mushed together. It didn't feel particularly like a poem. Also, the rhyme scheme degraded toward the end. At first it was consistent that three lines in a row rhymed, but somewhere around "Because when you left you took my heart" the rhyming fell apart.

Otherwise, it's a very interesting look into what three different people--on a spectrum of silly to serious--can write together. ^_^ I also think you could take some of the lines out of that poem and use them as inspirations for other poems and stories. As I said, that poor guy seemed to have a pretty sucky life.

Thanks for sharing!

~Songy





attempting foot extraction
— Mea