If u don't know who's yours
You'll miscalculate your tears
No, not all, will be your dear
No, no, not one at all
If you open your eyes
You'll see too many faces
But when you close 'em
How many do you see?
If you can't see the
separating light,
Between,
The ones before eyes and the one within
Then you won't know who's yours
And you'll miscalculate your tears.
Her wet hair
Little drops of water
No place is damp,so
Her wet hair will try sooner
Not later...
Hurry, find her...
She's someone who can be only yours
But if you forget that
You'll miscalculate your tears
If you fail to accept the one you can't see
And tell it to everybody
You will know
Ears are not to hear.
If you want a shoulder to cry on
Then you'll find your shoulder alone
Thus you will know
You've miscalculated your tears.
Her wet hair
Water drops fall on you
If you can't shape
Yourself into
Words or glares
Her wet hair will dry too soon
Her-she's someone who can only be yours
Only yours..
But if you
Can't find her
You'll miscalculate her tears
Her hair is wet
And you are cold
Her sad fears
And your tears roll
You stare there
At the mirror
You stare at her-
Your soul.
If you could..
If you could see all the truths..
The real one, you would know
Is- You are the only one for you.
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139,316 Literary Works • 672,529 Reviews
Hey! EverWinter here for a review!
Let us begin. In the first stanza, you used "u" instead of "you". Not really a big deal, but worth the two seconds it takes to fix.
Also, it took a while for me to realize what was going on in the poem. I couldn't really tell if the main character (not really a character, but hopefully you know what I mean.) was alone or with someone. I couldn't tell if you were flipping perspectives or not. I don't think you were, but to me it seemed like it until the end. If you can try to make it clear the person is alone and focusing only on them, then it would be great!
The idea you have here is great. Lots of people have to accept, whether for a little while or for ever, that they are going to be alone. I really like your poem, and I think that you're very talented at writing poetry.
Have a great day!
Ever
Thank you very much for your review and help.
Hmm, I will remember your advice on making the concepts, characters and perspectives clearer.
And, I am not talented at writing poetry at all. Gomen, but I must disagree with you at this point. But I appreciate that you think otherwise.
Hey, TahaT11n!
MissLyricz is here to review your poem for Review Day!
The poem was rather captivating and absorbing, as I felt as though you were drawing me into the lyrical words as the poem progressed- it was a pleasure to read!
The flow of the poem was well written and the words were almost calm, not intense, which made it a very pleasant read. The way you kept repeating "you'll miscalculate your tears" was a little off putting at first, but after a while, I understood the idea that this was meant to be repeated as a way of representing the theme for the poem, so I learnt to appreciate the repetitive line.
There was also a certain depth to your poem, it showed that you had a deep view of the topic and had a deeper understanding of its meaning- very inspiring!
You have a done a good job of this poem, my friend. The only suggestion I would make is somehow try and connect each verse or stanza, so it feels as though they are connected and not based off an entirely separate topic. It will help with the flow more successfully.
MissLyricz x
Thanks a looot for your review..you have pointed out a very important weak point of my lyrics. My friends told me about it,too. But I am not really progressing at a good speed to correct. However, I will keep on trying.
Thanks again! I never thought that anyone would appreciate the lyric this much.
You're welcome!
I am sure you will improve with time! Don't ever give up!