I walked alone...

I think it's really good for a rush and I think it could use some work but I think it could turn into an amazing song with a little work here or there. keep up the writing I really loved it.

It is okey to post it!I do not find it as a failure!I think it is pretty amazing.
You did not need any rhyme to catch my eye.The words that is ruined caught it even I knew this is not the truth.Almosy every person writing lyrics or short poerty is trying to rhyme it all perfectly and this is how it gets ruined.You did it well.There may be some grammar errors but they can always be corrected.
Good job.

This was pretty good considering that you said it was rushed. It doesn't follow the typical structure of a song where it's verse, course, verse, and so on with maybe a bridge in between, but I like your style. In the last line of your first verse there is a mistake where you forgot to put a space but that is super minor. I'm still trying to figure out the meaning of this song: upfront it seems to be about nature and the end of a beautiful, but I also feel as if there were undertones of a loss of someone (whether death or breakup) or possibly just a sense of loneliness. I don't know if this is what you were intending but it has such a forlorn tone to it that i couldn't help but wonder. Either way this way very good.

Hi TahaT11n, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

Quick note: I don't often read lyrics, so I might get a few things wrong in the review, but I will try my best.

Theme: I really like the theme of nature through out the lyric since I like nature themes. I feel like you could maybe expand on the amount of nature lines you have if you get what I am saying, but then that could just be me. I really liked the rhymes as they didn't over power the lyric at all and helped with the flow a lot.

Description: You get a lot of description right in here, but I do feel like you could use for complex words here and there. If I had to nit-pick something it would be that I think you used the word red a bit to much, but for the most part though I think you nailed the description.

Grammar and punctuation: As far as I can see your grammar and punctuation was spot on.

Small suggestions: (And goodbye sun was drowning in it) I find this line a bit confusing.
(Everything got silent) I think this would read better if you replaced (got) with (went).


Overall it was a nice lyric and I look forward to more of your work. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.

Your friend, Felistia.

Well first, there is this grammar mistake
"I,too, reached there" They should have spaces between them laugh out loud. Probably just a typo though.
There some other grammar mistakes to, they seem to be sprinkled all around your lyrics. But that's normal, next time just proofread.

"And goodbye sun was drowning in it"
I am not sure what you mean by goodbye sun with this line but just wanted to point it out in case you did not want that. Either way I really like you lyrics overall and it was really good. That is all for now.

Hello TahaT11n,

I'm here to review your lyrics.

First off, I'd like to say that I'm a huge fan of unconventional lyrics, or rather, lyrics that aren't super repetitive and don't really have a chorus. They rarely if ever make it to the radio, but I like to listen to singers meander through the stories they present.

That being said, I was pretty sure going into this you were going to be doing something similar to a song I know that actually did make it to the radio called "A Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by someone I don't remember. It was either Green Day or someone else. It's on Youtube if you want to check it out. The reason I'm saying this is because the opening words and part of t he chorus was "I walked alone" so it is really harkening me back to that song because of that. Not necessarily a good thing considering you don't want to have this song assumed as a rip off.

It's not. It is actually unique from that song entirely, which I was happy about. This song does need some help though. You're doing some things which are interrupting the flow of the lyrics and making it less than clear and enveloping as a song.

The major thing is to trim unnecessary words. Right now you have a lot of language which just isn't needed. For instance, if we look at the stanza,

"When silent water shimmered slightly
And goodbye sun was drowning in it
Then a red burn spread through the horizon
And I walked alone"

I can show you a couple places where your language is unclear or long.

First, the first line you have a lot of alliteration [silent, slight (Next line sun)] and near alliteration [shimmering], which is good, but it also sets a precedent. As a listener we expect it to continue with that sort of syncopation. . -. -. -.. -. (This is the syncopation I heard with . being short syllables and - being long syllables, with each word spaced.) You even have the first syllable as a soft beat in the next line [. .- - . -. . .], and it matches up well with the lyrical tones you would expect to be pretty, aside from one thing, "in it" the end of that is less than thrilling.

You want lines to end on something strong, something that will be able to dance off the tongue and carry you into the next line. In this case, "in it" are also soft syllables and they're useless words. "And goodbye sun was drowning in it" doesn't need those last two words because what do they really indicate? The goodbye sun was drowning, end of line. Why would you need in it when it isn't really clear what "it" is, and if we go back to the last line, we can see that "it" is water, then why do we need to repeat that? We're not out of that sentence yet, not really, despite your lack of periods in this. If we're not out of the sentence, then the object of the sentence is still easily observable by the listeners, and thus there is no reason to have the pronoun.

That being said, the line also needs a little help because "and goodbye sun" sounds odd. Are you saying "goodbye sun" or are you using goodbye as an adjective? If you want to indicate that goodbye is an adjective in this sentence, you need some sort of determiner because goodbye is not usually used as an adjective. If you have "and the goodbye sun" then the only thing goodbye can be is an adjective because of how noun phrases work. Otherwise goodbye could be saying goodbye to the sun rather than a descriptor of the type of sun it is. Also, consider what happens if we take out goodbye. "And sun was drowning in it" does that sound right? Usually if we say sun, we say the sun to indicate it was the flaming ball in the sky, rather than a boy.

I think if you went through this and read it over and looked for words that weren't needed, and read it just like a story, you would find anything I wanted to edit.

Hopefully you can sort of see a new way of looking at these lyrics and a way to improve them from that. If you have some questions about what I was talking about, feel free to comment or PM me, I'd love to help you grow and improve these lyrics.

-Aley

I cannot review lyrics...
But I still wanted to say something about it
Good job, this is pretty, and for the most part it makes sense to me (My head hurts) I like it a lot

Keep on Writing