Young Writers Society

Hey Taha, nice stuff here! I'm super tired here on my side of the planet, as it's kinda late, and I can't really string too many coherent thoughts together right now, so I'll just put down a load of my opinions down. Tell me if you want or need more info, ok? And don't feel that you're bothering me or anyone else by asking for our opinions. We here all WANT to help (really, why would we join this site and not somewhere geared more to only putting the stories out there if we didn't want to give our opinions and provide aid)?

Ok, now onto more real stuff. I think I like the "sings +teenage" version best. I like it because it is very descriptive, and I prefer it over smiles because singing seems more triumphant. Kind of like telling the world something like " Hey! World! Nice try, but I am still alive here! Booyah, in your face!" or singing your happiness out to the world because life threw you a really tough punch, and you still managed to shake it off, and keep moving on with a smile on your face. The "smile" one seems more peaceful, like something happened, and they went through a lot of inner turmoil over whether or not to use the noose, but they eventually came to a decision and are at peace with it. Or at least, these things are how I see it.

Hello everyone! LadyRanicorn here for another amazing review!

Good job Taha, for being brave and writing a haiku when you know you're no good at it! Let's see, hmm, well I have to go with Gravity on this one. The haiku's you were suggesting does indeed have a kind of somber mood about it, you just need to unlock that and fully embrace it. For me, that's the only thing missing in these haiku. They're sort of in the middle of somber and not being somber enough for it to actually be any good. Maybe you could add cries instead of smile or sings to try and embrace the mood. If this WASN'T your intent, to make the mood the way I see it, then just ignore the above sentences.

This is the little section for if the mood was supposed to be happy. If this is the case, you REALLY need to get rid of the last sentence in all of the haiku you have listed here, it just wouldn't go with the intended mood. If it doesn't have to follow that pattern then I would suggest you replace that line with "Watching swirling sakura." Sakura means Cherry Blossom in Japanese so that's how it would fit. Since the cherry blossom festival originated in Japan then wouldn't it be neat to have an obvious reference to Japan? I'm sorry if it seems as if I'm trying to take over your haiku, I'm just trying to share my thoughts.

Good luck with the contest Taha! I hope you win, just remember to try and stay true to the intended mood, and your haiku would sound a LOT better. Until next time, LadyRanicorn out!!

Heya, Gravity here for a review!

So, the thing about Haiku (yes, there is no s in the plural form, those tricky Japanese ) is that they can be very powerful, so you need to maximize every word possible in order to really emphasize your meaning. I love what you did with this, I think it's very unique and I love the idea.

My suggestion to you is to use more powerful words. I really like this shorter one because I feel like you can add on to it more or even minimize it for greater impact.

cherries' bloom
a boy sings
throwing the noose away