Published March 20, 2016
and it's raining here...
with no intention to stop.
only my chick and my collars are drenched
the other parts of my body and my clothes-
still dry.
I wish the rain stopped
but it's persistent,
insisting to walk on with me.
why have the clouds become so thick
that they are forming rain?
and this much?
this much rain?
I don't know.
but I wish I knew.
the rain goes on and I walk...
grasses are free from the rain frops
and all are dry in warmth
only I have to drag this coldness?
and, it's too heavy, too.
my fingers hurt.
but my eyes hurt more...
rain keeps on falling
an EternalRain...
Emotions Suck.
I know, it's a weird type of poem.
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140,866 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
This poem confused me. Great form of emotional drive, but I couldn't quite determine what you were writing about.
It seemed like a mix of your emotions with the weather. At first, I thought you were just complaining about the rain. But then at the very end of the poem, you said "Emotions Suck." So I was sort of confused just a little bit.
Either way, I definitely could feel your pain. The fact that you were sad about the rain, I can relate to. It seems that everyone associates rain with sadness and depression, but in this case, the way you wrote the poem made me feel like the writer was consumed by an "inner rain" or some sort of emotional distress from the inside. Like the rain was sort of holding you down.
I myself like the rain, even the inner rain that the character must be going through.
I would have liked to see the inclusion of some more metaphors and similes. Maybe even some more personification. (I don't mean to sound like an English teacher, but these literary elements spice up any piece.) I hope you consider adding some of these to your poem.
The only problem I had with this piece was just a lack of literary additives. I know that this poem had a lot of emotional background with it. I have no doubt that you meant this poem with all sincerity and all true feelings. But as a writer, toying with these elements, such as metaphors and similes, will help you grow as a writer! So think about editing your piece and adding these things. (don't take anything out, because it's great as it is; it just needs a little backbone)
Keep writing, and I hope to see more from you soon!
Taha ! dear don't think ever that your work is weird because whatever we think we write is your emotional feelings which we Penn . I don't find anything which is unacceptable as according to my perception it's written by heart that's why grammatical errors doesn't matter. Though you sound low but always remember there is always light after darkness. Stay blessed
*sheds the sparkling drops of happy tears*
This is the BEST review any of my any work has ever got! I am more than happy. Thank you very much. May God bless you, TZH.
Blessings always dear Taha !%u263A
I am going to review your work so bare with me.
The beginning of your poem is weird enough to draw you in and make you keep reading.
I see a couple spelling errors but they are understandable. Your punctuation is good.
I love how you used the words to describe your depression(?).
And the ending makes complete sense cause emotions do suck.
Ikr, emotions DO suck. But, after writing, they can be controlled. Thanks for your review. And I will bare with you as long as you review my work.
thanks and I hope you like my way of reviewing it's was one of my first reviews.
I like it. You are doing good. Keep on reviewing and it will become much better.