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E - Everyone

things

by LordMomo


no one ever

thinks

about a chair

that supports us

and deals with unpleasant

smells

              

no one ever

thinks

about a table

that stands our

crumbs

and shivers through the spills

                           

no one ever

thinks

about a lamp

a bright, light lamp

that sees us

and lets us see

                                

think on these

these helpful things

that we take for

granted

when some have

nothing


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Fri Jan 08, 2021 9:32 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



Hello, lovely Momo! c: I remember reading this poem awhile ago, and I thought I'd finally stop by with a review! ^_^

I love the message of this poem. It's very clear and easy to understand. We often hear the phrase "don't take things for granted," but instead of being cliche or talking about things we hear all of the time, you used very ordinary things that most people wouldn't think twice about - a chair, a table. The use of such random, ordinary things made the "argument" of this poem stronger, as it supports the idea that these are things we don't consider in our day to day life. Overall, I loved the idea behind this poe, and the way you delivered! I'm going to go stanza stanza and offer more thoughts for you c: Please feel free to disregard any suggestions you don't agree with!

no one ever

thinks

about a chair

that supports us

and deals with unpleasant

smells


I feel like this chair could honestly even be a metaphor for a person, especially since you used the word "support" -> like, you never notice the person that supports you through all of your hardships and tough times, not matter how hard or unpleasant (like the unpleasant smells) it is for them. I don't know if you intended that, but even if you didn't, that was a neat little double meaning in my mind! ^^

One little thing; I don't really associate a chair with unpleasant smells? I guess if a stinky person sat on it right after coming from a sports game without showering or something xD but for me the two didn't fit together, but it could make sense in your mind and that's fine!! It's probably just me :p I just thought I'd point it out c:

no one ever

thinks

about a table

that stands our

crumbs

and shivers through the spills


Haha, stands -> cause like a table has legs to "stand," but in the stanza you're talking about the definition of stand like "putting up with something." I love that clever little pun cx

Ooh, and the alliteration in the last line is super neat (shivers, spills)! Honestly, all of the furniture pieces you are using could be a metaphor for a bigger thing. Like here, you can always make a mess (not always a literal mess), and someone will put up with it cause they genuinely love and care for you.

"stands our crumbs" does read a bit weird to me - maybe because crumbs are seen as tiny things, but usually when you put up with something/stand something, it's usually a bigger thing? It just felt a bit funny to me, so I thought I'd point that out!

no one ever

thinks

about a lamp

a bright, light lamp

that sees us

and lets us see


Again, this could work really well as a metaphor for a person. I'm loving of all these double meanings! They add more layer and depth to each stanza, disguising people as ordinary household objects c:

I do think weaving in some imagery to this stanza would make it stronger. Instead of saying "bright, light lamp" what other words or phrases could you use to describe the light of a lamp? This way, the reader can go, "wow, a lamp is so powerful and amazing, I should appreciate it more," you know? Like you could make it a fancy phrase, comparing the lamp to stars or something, or you could simply use a stronger adjective if that's what you'd prefer! Some synonyms could be: dazzling, sparkling, flashing, glittering, scintillating, etc.

think on these

these helpful things

that we take for

granted

when some have

nothing


I noticed that you didn't use any punctuation, but I personally think it might help you in this stanza. Because there's no pause after "think on these," the next line runs into it, and I'm saying two "these's" in a row, and it doesn't seem to flow well for me. I was thinking you could use a semilcoon after "think on these"? But it's up to you! If you don't though, the repetition of "these" is a little hard to read though :p

Ooh, and just another punctuation suggestion you can completely ignore if you don't agree; I think it would be cool if you could put a period at the very end! Since "nothing" is on a line by itself, adding a period (for me at least) would put a little oomph at the end. It would be an abrupt ending, and it might make the reader go, "wow. I need to reconsider my life" lol, you know? Just a thought xD

I also have an overall suggestion. You repeat "no one ever thinks" for each stanza, but perhaps you could add a tiny variation? Like "no one ever ponders" or "no one ever wonders" or something like that. I just think adding a tiny bit of variation could be engaging, but it's just a random thought of mine!

And that's it for all of my thoughts! ^^ Overall, I really enjoyed the way you easily portrayed a valuable lesson through this poem. It made me think more carefully about the everyday things I use, so this was enlightening to read! I hope to read more from you soon, and I hope this helped! :D




LordMomo says...


Thank you! (:



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Sun Jan 03, 2021 1:46 am
Blake's stories and poems wrote a review...



Good message about appreciating things that seem insignificant to us, yet serve purposes we use every day. There is also good use of repetition in the poem that causes most readers to take note of the important phrase that is vital to the theme. Though the poem is very good I have noticed that there is a lack of capitalization, although this ironically works in the poem's favor. The lack of capitalization could maybe symbolize appreciating the words themselves rather than wanting more, in turn this adds to the theme. That said this is a really good poem.




LordMomo says...


Thank you!



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Wed Dec 30, 2020 1:38 pm
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anne27 wrote a review...



Hey there! Anne for a review

It was a really deeply thought and well executed poem. Yes, most people do not think about these things- because they are 'things'. That being said, it was a different perspective to look at everyday things. A lovable concept. The message of the poem was sweet as candy. I belong to a country where so many people are below the poverty line, so it really hits hard.(although I won't lie, i have thought about these things and am really grateful to them , also food :D)

I like the personification of these objects. Especially that of the lamp.
The vocabulary is great too. The to-the-point language makes it a pleasant read.

It is very lucid and also sounds lyrical when read aloud, a quality some poems lack.

The ending was great. Especially that the last line ends with nothing. So that it can also be a symbolism that you will only truly think of these things when you have , nothing.

A touching poem.
Keep writing.will read more of your work :D




LordMomo says...


Thank you!



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Wed Dec 30, 2020 4:44 am
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Its such a touching poem<3




LordMomo says...


Thank you!



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Tue Dec 29, 2020 8:03 pm
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stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



hey,
before I start reviewing I just wanted you to know there's people out there for you,
and if you ever need someone to listen, I'll always be there :)
I may be thinking this the wrong way, but poems are the colours of our souls, and if you're feeling blue or down right now, or tomorrow, or yesterday, or at anytime really- know that there's always someone there for you 💜

Now
On to the review <3

For vocab and grammar, I really don't have anything to say.
Excepte that one line, in the last stanza, first verse, "thanks on these", when it logically should be "thanks to these" or "thank these". Of course it flows less well, but that's what's grammatically correct.

..

There's just something infinitely touching about this poem, the last line sounds like something my mother would say when I don't eat my food, like "don't take this for granted ! Think about that African child who could've eaten this !" because that way of thinking is so horrendously wrong, it's refreshing to see you take another take on it. Instead of thinking about those who don't have it, you think also of how those things feel. How we neglect them and take them for granted, while some people dream of obtaining it.
I hope you don't think that way about yourself
No one takes you for granted
You are a beautiful person who writes angelically, and the last thing someone would think about you, is thinking you are just that table they bought and then left in the dust, or that chair, or that lamp.




LordMomo says...


Aw, thanks for the review!



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Tue Dec 29, 2020 8:02 pm
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hannah0528 wrote a review...



Hi! Hannah here for a quick review. Good job on this! You made the inanimate objects come to life and make people realize things that we take for granted that other people might not have, which was the purpose. There are some letters that need to be capitalized, though.

"no one ever

thinks". The n in no one should be capitalized.

"no one ever

thinks". The n in no one should be capitalized, again.

"no one ever

thinks". The n in no one should be capitalized, again.
Other than those minor, nit- picky grammar mistakes great job! I hope to hear more from you! Keep writing. I hope you had a merry Christmas and that you have a happy New Year!


Hannah




LordMomo says...


Thanks for the review!




Hearing these stories makes me realize that I never did anything with my childhood.
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