Young Writers Society

Hi Liminality! I learned a new reviewing method, so going to give it a try here!
But first I'll grrab your two questions!

1. What sort of feeling do the images convey to you?

The feeling I got from this poem was sort of a peaceful watching expectently following the trail of the action of the tree and flowers. I couldn't quite tell if the "she" was the tree itself, or a person, or something else at first but that was a bit mysterious especially given that they were hooded. I thought it was a nice suprise when the flower was offered back to the "you" at the end - reading the "you" as the reader it was like the poem offered a gift back.

2. Does your knowledge/ lack of knowledge of what an angsana tree is affect your reading?

To me it made the poem a bit more whimsical and mysterious because I wasn't familiar with what the tree looked like so didn't quite know what to expect or if there were any sorts of specific folklore around the tree. Where I'm from there aren't a ton of trees that have yellow-flowers either so that was a bit of a suprise, but didn't impede my reading. I looked up a picture of one after reading.

So I'm going to start off by just naming some of my initial impressions from the poem:
My overall experience of the poem was sort of dreamlike as the title suggested, it felt like being an observer to some peaceful pleasant exchange, I'm not quite initially sure of the "meaning" of the poem except maybe the idea of nature being more benevolent and hopeful than we often give it/her credit for.

Now I'll move on to examining some of the foreground / background materials.

Foreground Features I liked
Tremendous job describing a tree that was vivid and active and humanlike while not making it cliche or expected. For a poem about the movement of a tree, this was really vivid and active. It is easy to picture the images that are being described.

I really enjoyed how you divided the lines too - it seemed very intentional throughout, felt like it flowed well as well as highlighting the images as you moved from item to item.

Something that stood out to me too in reading was the mix of things passively happening vs actively happening. ie. the hood is described as just lifting itself without an actor making it so, which is unexpected, while the tree gets a lot of active descriptors - I thought that was a neat way to highlight the personhood / value / interest in the tree as well - it really came across as the "main character" of the poem.

Foreground Feature for improvement
The figure in hood was a prominent first reading image but it was bit difficult for me to track whether this figure was the tree, was someone else, or etc. I think that's part of the interest and whimsy of the poem, but I think digging a little bit more in their description would give the reader more to chew on.

Background Features I liked
A feature I didn't notice right away was how the sentence structure sort of shifts in the third stanza. Where the first two stanzas have the pattern of description, description-action, and description. And then the 3rd stanza has the line slow down to description and description and description and description. So the extra conjunctions make it feel a bit like the petal is slowly floating down and the action settles. That's a nice structural feature that's a bit hidden at first!

Background Feature I wasn't sure about
I liked the presence of the different colors in the poem, but I was a little unsure if there was somehow a symbolism between the three colors (brown, pink, yellow) that I was missing some association with. I know different colors can be symbolic, but wasn't quite sure if I should read more into the colors than I was.

Overall this is a really light and beautiful poem, that I think gives a reader more appreciation for trees and nature. And I think you do some really artsy nice things with your line structure that make the poem beautiful and intersting to read too. Please let me know if you have any questions about my review since this wasn't my typical review structure I might have missed some aspects!

all the very best, keep writing poetry forever please.

~ alliyah

Hi Lim,

Mailice here with a short review!


So, I just try to write what I felt during reading and why I liked the poem.

First of all, I have to say that I really liked that it didn't feel directly like a poem, but like a kind of story that you tell in a kind of anecdote. It was only with the next stanzas that I got the feeling that we were going into a poem.

What I like very much, and what I also wrote in my comment, was this warmth and security that comes with the descriptions. I like the way you start from the top down and describe the angsana, which gave me that feeling. Especially in the first stanza, like here:

as cloaked she waits for you under the angsana.

I guess it's that umbrella that gave me that semblance. But also that chirpy voice that you started with, where I felt that security.

What I liked a lot was in the second stanza, how there was this change.

Lifting up and out again, under the rafters, the tree
bark appears and begins to splinter out into lean, sinewy twigs:

It's like a kind of omen where you can expect something and I see with the descriptions a tree that is getting older, and partly also gives me this urge as if something has come that doesn't want to come.

some reaching to scratch gently against the house, and others
spread like fingers reaching skyward.

Here was the first time I had this feeling where I thought it could be a dream, because here with "gently" and "spread like fingers" it seemed like a wish, something that was not possible in real life. Somehow, at the same time, it gave me this emptiness, a vastness of a beginning, where I as a reader had the impression that we were also heading towards a direction of loneliness here.

The last stanza seemed to me, the realistic one, as if it were no longer a dream, but that's what I liked very much. You have awakened something in me with the first two stanzas, which gives me the impression of this security, but which then comes to an end here. Call it mistrust, but the poem reminds me of those sugary sweet dreams where everything is so beautiful and you're with someone, but idese become more and more bland and blurred the further you get and you linger in this melancholy for days afterwards.

What I really liked about this poem was its "simplicity", where you could quickly understand the story behind it at first glance and start interpreting it. Since I am still struggling a bit, I think I also liked the poem because it told a story in a chronological sequence.

Of course, I wrote a lot from my own thoughts and I don't know, for example, what the ansgana stands for in Southeast Asia? Is it more a sign of a certain quality or do people attribute any special powers to the tree?

In summary, a very beautiful poem, but also with an aftertaste of melancholy and caution.

Have fun writing!

Mailice