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Choices

by Liminality


A dog walks through a hedge maze

in the dark. The crickets cry,

unable to sleep for the sound

of paws padding restlessly.

A nose sniffs at cobblestones.

Smells nothing but dew evaporated

a long time ago, grass that is

fresh but utterly uninteresting.

The dog takes a left turn

then backtracks to try a right turn.

Without footprints, without a scent-trail,

he emerges panting at the crack

of dawn, bleary-eyed, embarrassed,

tail hanging low. 

-

Author's questions:

1. How do you think the title relates to the poem?

2. Any awkward lines or images? 


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8 Reviews


Points: 117
Reviews: 8

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Wed Sep 28, 2022 9:01 pm
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Kz wrote a review...



Hi, my name is Kz, I also write poetry. So, to dive in.
Author's questions:

1. How do you think the title relates to the poem?

So, the title of a poem, is a very important part of the poem. And I think that you shows very well. And the reason that I think this, is because I think that the title was probably based on the choice that the dog has to make. This seems obvious, which is why I'm not sure if I'm correct. Let me know.

2. Any awkward lines or images?

Not that I can think of. However, I think that "the crickets cry, unable to sleep for the sound of paws padding restlessly" is a very interesting line.

And as always, my favorite part, telling you what part of the poem caught my eye. Which for this masterpiece, will have to be,

"nothing but dew evaporated

a long time ago, grass that is

fresh but utterly uninteresting."

Thanks for sharing your amazing poem! Have a great morning/mid-day/afternoon/ or night!

-Kz.




Liminality says...


Thanks for the review! Yep, you're right about the title! I was just concerned that it wasn't obvious, since the word "choice" isn't repeated in the poem, and I didn't exactly intend for this poem to be a very hard-thinking piece xD Thanks again!



Kz says...


I'm extremely sorry, lol. I am a bit of an overthinker when it comes to Literature.



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Points: 63
Reviews: 3

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Wed Sep 28, 2022 4:05 pm
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LizzyDear wrote a review...



Hi! To answer your questions, I’d like to start off with the fact that I do not understand quite why the title could relate to the poem. Perhaps the shortness and subtleness of this poem that goes through the events of a moment of this dog’s day. I’mmm not sure! But I’m also not the best with poems, unfortunately, so it might just be me!

Something that I could say would be a bit awkward is lines 6-7,

“Smells nothing but dew evaporated
a long time ago, grass that is”

These two lines at least to me don’t make the most sense together, I think they probably need a bit more elaboration on them. Although that might just be the way you describe the dog’s senses, but I have no idea! But the rest of the poem really isn’t something I find awkward. I think it’s just telling a simple story of a dog’s day, it has a very refreshing vibe to it to me.




Liminality says...


Thanks very much for the review! I agree the images in those lines are a bit more abstract/ non-realistic than the rest of it. Thanks for the suggestion on that, and glad you found the poem refreshing! :D



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46 Reviews


Points: 32
Reviews: 46

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Sun Sep 25, 2022 8:34 pm
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Sunflowerdemon3712 wrote a review...



Hi Sunflower here for a quick (and positive) review!

So before I get into my own personal opinions about your poem I'm first going to answer your questions.

Number 1. I personally don't understand the title choices for a poem such as this. This is mainly due to the fact it feels as if the only choices being made are the directions the dog turns. Of course something perfectly well could have flown over my head for I do have a tendency for being a bit oblivious at times. For a better title I think something like "The maze" or "A dog's senses" or something else of the sort would work a little bit better.

Number 2. I don't really think any of the imagery or lines are in particular necessarily awkward, though I do feel as if the poem has a bit of an odd flow though I think that's due to where the lines begin and end such as the first sentence of the poem ending in the second line. Other than that though I really have no complaints!

The poem itself holds a great amount of intrigue and a slight mystique to it that I quite enjoy actually! It makes me question where this dog came from what it is looking for and why. Is it something of great importance or is it nothing but the dog's toy? The poem is short and sweet and can easily make you think which I quite enjoyed. I think your structuring of poems (where to put the lines) could use a tad of work, but other than that I like it!

Thank you for reading my review, you're a dang trooper. I hope you have a fantastic day or night, bye!

P.S. There was indeed a dog lol ; )




Liminality says...


Hiya! Thanks so much for the review :D

This is mainly due to the fact it feels as if the only choices being made are the directions the dog turns


Hehe funnily enough those were the 'choices' I meant to refer to!

I think that's due to where the lines begin and end such as the first sentence of the poem ending in the second line.


Mmhmm I was actually thinking I might get rid of parts like that, because they seem a bit unnecessary. It's good to know how they impact the flow, as that means I can make those changes (I did want the poem to flow in a more familiar/ 'conventional' way)

I enjoyed reading your impressions and interpretations! Thanks again for reviewing!




I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.
— Edgar Allan Poe