Here comes a dish of cream of mushroom soup,
by candlelight, the colour tan and white.
I fold the thick top layer, take a bite –
“Oh heavens! Spices take me for a loop.
To other places I’ll no longer stoop:
this fancy eatery is my delight.
The bowl so round, pristine, and bright,
I am the fowl, and dining is my coop.”
Then I watch you quickly down your bowl.
I ask you if you thought the food was good.
Unbothered eyes turn up – indifferent soul.
You say, “’s alright”, as lifeless as you could.
And here I thought we grown-ups as a whole
believed agreement makes the dinner how it should.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,384 Literary Works • 672,113 Reviews
S O U P
Soup!
Hello! I hope you are having a good day or night!
I really quite enjoyed this poem. Despite its down to earth nature, your descriptions drew me into a tale as simple as two people having dinner. I was invested in this poem from start to finish, is what I'm trying to say.
My favorite line was "by candlelight, the colour of tan and white." It set the scene perfectly, and, bonus, it rhymed!
On the topic, however, I noticed your scheme was slightly inconsistent. In the beginning, you followed rhyme after rhyme, from "white" to "bite" to "loop" and "stoop" whereas, towards the end, you made a switch to an ABAB pattern, which did throw me off for a moment.
Either way, this poem was a ton of fun to read! I flowed seamlessly from start to finish, and there's honestly little to complain about! Keep on writing, and have a wonderful day!
Thanks for the review! I was trying to write something that looked like a Petrarchan sonnet, (though as you can see I made the last line just a tad longer than it should have been) but perhaps I should have chosen a different rhyme scheme for the last six lines. Maybe a CDDCDD one so that it blends better with the earlier ABBAABBA. Thanks once again for the input!
I have a feeling that this other individual just wants to eat.They don’t want to take the time to actually savor it.I don’t feel like that agreement was genuine-I feel like the other person just said it so the narrator would leave them alone.Such is the woes of eating out with someone else! This was cute and funny.I liked it.I hope that you will have a nice and cool day and night.
Thanks for the review!