Text:
They told me: any further fortune bestowed
would be wasted
on me who has so much.
Since then
I have shamefully yearned
for flowers I need not share.
-
Flowers, hidden in a hedge maze,
thorns as guards
from anything but honeybees.
And I would sneak inside
and scoop up
their pink fallen petals.
-
And I would hold these up
to the dying sun,
honey-sweet –
-
to watch them catch the light
like a saucière
collecting syrup.
-
I would drink this with my eyes,
and I would not waste
a single drop.
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Canary word: Present
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Hey Lim, I really enjoy this poem's vibe - it's winding through different imagery and takes an interesting perspective on the "carpe diem" theme that's quite a bit more developed I think than people usually use it - the fact that the flowers are in a maze, and the sun is dying sort of hints at the intangibility of what is being seized. And yet the last three lines "I would drink with my eyes / and not waste / a single drop" makes it seem like the speaker is still satisfied with how they have worked to seize the day. The only aspect that is a little confusing to me is what the fortune that the "they" was talking about in the first stanza - > is it the day itself? or time? or wealth? or something to be determined by the reader? It seems like to me that the flowers are sort of a metaphor for whatever the "fortune" is and that the message might be that the things that are worth seizing are not easy to keep, and should be taken and kept and enjoyed whole-heartedly.
There seems to be a lot of room for different interpretations here so I'm curious what your intention / or personal interpretation of the poem would be! I also think the formatting and nice background is just perfect for the poem - the sunset vibes fit really nicely with the message of the poem and I think the formatting enhances rather than distracts from the written content.
Thank you for sharing! Let me know if you wanted feedback on anything specifically that I missed!
alliyah
Thanks for the review, alliyah! I liked reading your interpretations!
Oh I hadn't thought about this meaning, and looking back on it I feel like that makes sense.
Originally, I know I didn't put in much of an implication as to what the "fortune" was. What I was going for was something like privilege, or good luck, maybe. Whereas the flowers are meant to symbolise something extra to that, like the simple pleasures in life, which is why I used food-based/ sensory images in the last few stanzas. I intended to be this sense of guilt, maybe externally enforced in the speaker enjoying something as simple as some flowers, and the flowers being hard to obtain dramatises that. Hope that makes sense, haha
Thanks again!
This poem was super beautiful! I often find there isn't much appreciation for sunsets.
I like how the black text stands out from the sunset background. The contrast makes it super easy to read! Did you make that background yourself? It's super pretty!
This poem has a really good vibe! Its super bright, but there is a dark edge to it.
I love how you use verbs in unconventional ways such as "drink with my eyes." That's a great skill to have
Good job!
Thanks for the review!
Ooh and I made that background using a few different free elements on Canva (gritty filter paper image gradient)
Hey! This is just a review from your friendly neighborhood tired nineteen year old. Let's get started, shall we?
First of all, I love the aesthetic of this poem - I can't even properly describe how it makes me feel besides like..it reminds me of something I would read in a Toni Morisson book, or maybe even something written by F. Scott Fitzgerald. It just gives me such an old, vintage feeling. I love it so much.
I think the stanza that perfectly encapsulates this feeling is this one:
"They told me: any further fortune bestowed
would be wasted
on me who has so much."
I don't know if this was meant to be a poem about losing money, or friends, or just a zest for life, but it's beautiful, nonetheless. I wish I could read this again for the first time.
-moon.
Thanks for the review! It's interesting that you mentioned loss as a theme here. If you don't mind me asking, did you get that vibe from the quoted stanza or was it something else in the poem? c: