The Dream-Maker
Within those lost hours between
The dying and birthing of light
A girl walks alone, unseen,
In the hours of the moonless night.
When trees stretch their shadows
Once beautiful now foreboding,
Looming over sleeping meadows,
Beneath the stars they’re choking.
It is after the dusk and before a new dawn
That she wanders, alone and lost.
When every spark of light is gone,
Under the shadows she walks.
She sprinkles bits of her life
And the queer stories she’s made,
Into our closed, sleeping eyes,
Dreams which, come morning, will fade.
She scatters her life and takes bits of ours
As she wanders through the night,
But come the end of these dark, lonely hours,
She’ll disappear at the sight of the light.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Dreams are one of the most fascinating topics and you've captured the essence of their mystery. The way you laid it all out, it gives a haunting sort of feel, yet the center of it all is dreams so it gives it a lulling sort of feel. Sorry, I'm rambling.
It was fabulous. The embodiment of the dream-maker is so perfect and I love the content of this.
However, earlier in the poem there were a few lines that could've used an extra word.
Loved it! Keep writing, it's obvious you have a gift for poetry!
Thanks so much for another review! Very encouraging and helpful =]
Hey there, ElvenJedi! Welcome to the Young Writers Society.
I think you'll be at home here, because you obviously have a real passion for poetry. I really liked this piece; it's short but detailed, and you have such beautiful imagery. I thought this might have been a sort of fairytale, told in rhyme. It lacks a plot though, so it's not that. It's more of a recount, an informative piece about the creator of dreams, and it works well. One thing you could possibly talk about more (in a couple extra lines, maybe?) is why the dream-maker is a young girl. Is it because kids have greater imaginations than adults? Some extra metaphors and imagery could explain that, and add to the poem. But I love it how it is, anyway. Thanks for sharing!
Damn. All I can say really. I like it.
I relish the vivid words! I really did enjoy this poem, despite it lacking a very original rhyme scheme. But besides being a very adventurous and inspiring piece of literature, there's not much to say about this! I really liked how you added the slight detail of it being a moonless night! It really set the feel for the rest of the poem for me. Thank you for your marvelous work of poetry! IT will make a fine addition to the Green Room.
Thx for the encouragement! Really appreciate it ^_^
NP!