A/N: what category of poetry would I put this as??? I'm so cluelessss
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My heart is a tangle of strings, ropes, and such—
an intricate ravel of the colorful stuff.
Knotted strings and fraying ribbons and all
are tied to the other in one twisted ball.
.
So behind me I drag my ravel of a heart—
frayed and twisted and falling apart.
And as I carry on, certain soul gripping things
snag onto my knotted, tangled heartstrings.
.
And I, unaware of my heart in a snare,
keep on walking until I hear my heartstrings tear.
With a rusty gasp I hear the threads break in half,
and the dread hits me and I choke when I hear the strings snap.
.
I spin around in a rush and frantic I start
to search for the string's end that's now lost in my heart.
Once I find it I tie it back to the other strand
it looks nice as before, with an extra knot between ends.
.
Then I move on dragging behind me my heart
that's tangled and knotted, but a work of art.
Every hue and shade you could ever find on a thing
is somewhere in there, in my tangled heartstrings.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Niiice, I loved it great job
. As for the category, I think it floats somewhere near lyrical. I dont have much to correct, although perhaps the flow needed a bit of tweaking. Just read through it and see what you may shorten, try to make the length of the lines as similar as possible to one another, reading aloud helps. Anyways, you might not even do this, as it worked pretty well on its own, great job once again, and I cant wait to hear more from you in the future! :3
Oh. My. Gosh. This is such an incredible poem! Rhyming seems like such a rarity nowadays, and it was refreshing to read a piece where it was so well executed. I love the theme and how relatable this felt. Amazing work.
My only suggestion is that you shorten a few of the lines. For example, "and the dread hits me hard and I choke when I hear the strings snap." this line didn't flow as well as the others, and I think shortening might help.
Overall, this piece was phenomenal. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Have a great day!