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The Reason We Love

by ElvenJedi


The Reason We Love

If you’ve nothing left to say, then why do you bother to stay?

Since you’ve got to go anyway, go on ahead and walk away.

If you knew it would end like this, why did you say what you did?

Why’d you give me that last kiss, if you knew it’d be harder to live?

You've never cared for me anyway, so stop putting on this show.

If you have no more lies to say, why don’t you leave this and go?

You know staying here would be a thousand times harder for me,

So go and leave and be free; it’s easier that way, you see.

------

If I’d known it was pointless, would I still bother to love?

If I’d known your words were meaningless, would that have been enough?

If I’d known you would leave me, would I have left you right then?

If I’d known how things would be, would that have been the end?

Why did we think that it was enough, why didn’t we have any doubt?

Don't know why we continued to love, we knew this would never work out.

For the same reason we live, when we know we will die,

It’s the reason we love when we know the tears are nigh.


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Fri Dec 02, 2016 9:03 pm
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Kaos here for a review!

There are more punctuation marks than just question marks. I know that this is something that seems intentional, but you need to cut down on all the questions in this poem because it gets stale easily. Usually questions in poetry shouldn't be used too often and should be more used for making some sort of statement or having a line have more emotional impact by tying a question to it. I suggest you cut down on it and tell it a different way because it tends to get wrapped up in itself in that way. The rhyme in this poem didn't really do anything for me, as per usual, and only restricts imagery from making its way through. The rhyme feels forced in some places and other places it just feels /there/ which isn't really a good thing.

Following up on that, the poem is wrapped up in itself in that it doesn't really have any atmosphere around it and doesn't really use poetic devices. "Show don't tell", applies to poetry as well, and it definitely applies here. Instead of telling us about everything, show us. Show us through imagery and figurative language instead of just rambling on about it to us.

There's a large lack of imagery in this poem which is something that I wanted to touch on. Because of this it feels robotic and doesn't really have a tone that's set. It doesn't have any details, and this makes it something broad. Words like "love" and "hate" and "war" and any other very general words or basic emotion words are things that cause this. You don't define your emotion words, and that's a crucial thing. Broaden your word choice and vocabulary.

My perspective of what happy is, isn't what your perspective of what happy is. My sad is not your sad; not exactly, anyway. When your theme is filling the poem to the brim where it's being forced into the reader's head, that's not a good thing, and I see that here a little. There's no room to interpret what the theme is. Instead of giving it all away, give the reader a /guide/ or gentle push to what the theme is instead of just telling us. Be more subtle.

I hope I helped and have a great day!




ElvenJedi says...


Thanks for this review! Very helpful! I do admit this isn't one of my best works, but that's why I posted it; It needs as much revising and critique as possible! I do struggle with forced rhyming so pointing that out is helpful. About the questions, I'll try to figure out a way to change it up. And as for vocabulary, I'll try to look into that as well! thx for the advice! And any suggestions on how I give it the right atmosphere? Sometimes its there in my poems, and I don't know how it got there, while other times its not and I don't know how to fix it :/



Kaylaa says...


Forgot to leave this in the review: Your lines have a lot of weight and that was the strength of the poem, so try and focus on that.



Kaylaa says...


Sent that last one before you replied. It's quite alright! Sensory details do leaps and bounds in setting up the atmosphere. That's the description of the five senses and it helps kind of create the atmosphere around the speaker. Here's an article on imagery itself that I think would help: Imagery



ElvenJedi says...


Thx for the advice! I think I'll rewrite this poem paying more attention to the atmosphere etc.!



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Fri Dec 02, 2016 8:59 pm
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nadair wrote a review...



Hi there, ElvenJedi!

I actually really enjoyed this poem, at a first glance, I was a bit thrown by the centered text, but I can appreciate the stylistic decision. It really gives a sort of symmetry to the content. Speaking of symmetry, I like how you stuck to lines beginning with "you" in the first stanza, and lines beginning with "I'd" in the second stanza.

My favorite part of this entire poem is the final two lines,

"For the same reason we live, when we know we will die,
It's the reason we love when we know the tears are nigh."

Obviously, this is what the poem is about, and there isn't a theme that more represents the human condition.

All in all, keep up the good work :)

Nick.




ElvenJedi says...


Thanks for the review! I appreciate the encouragement!




You are strong enough to conquer this day and the rest of your life.
— Tuckster