Young Writers Society

Hello, ElvenJedi! Artemis here for a shiny review five days before Christmas!

First, I want to talk about the rhyme scheme. For most of the poem, you find words that make sense and also rhyme, which is great. But for some, it sounds like you've run out of fitting words and you're just desperate to end a sentence. For example, "them" and "instead" isn't the best rhyme to use in your first stanza.

Then in your second stanza, line 6, "the" is repeated. Take out the second one, please.

Onto the content, Jedi! The idea here is quite interesting. The fact that someone is alone on Christmas day is kind of a contradiction to the holiday itself. Again, an intriguing base for a poem.

However, throughout the stanzas I feel like you're repeating the same things over and over again. You've already established that the character is lost in thought and solemn, but in your poem it is told to the reader in a way that makes it seem too repetitive. Perhaps you could change the focus of your poem a little in order to make it less redundant?

I'm sorry I couldn't find much to change, but I hoped this review helped. If I came across as harsh, please let me know and I will try to fix that. A very early Christmas to you and keep writing!

XOX,
Artemis28

heyo, ElvenJedi! Casanova here to do a review for you! Anyway, I'll be taking this section by section so I hope you don't mind. To the review!

Winds rip at my hair and let lose a strand,

And I pull my scarf to my face.

Couples walk past me hand in hand,

In their eyes romantic grace

I feel my own hand, limp at my side,

My fingers twitch for something to hold them.

My eyes sting from the wind against my stride,

...Or perhaps from the loneliness instead.

Vaguely am I aware that I'm losing myself
As I have christmas, with me, myself, and I.

A snowflake settles on my gloved hand’s palm,

Only to melt away.

I hear familiar notes, hidden in the season's songs,

Summoning memories of last Christmas Day.

Every note and every beat,

Bring the the memories to me,

And as the lyrics repeat,

So do past Christmas memories.

Snowflakes get caught in my wind-tousled tresses,

And a wind wisps aside an unruly strand.

My disregard to this expresses

The solemnity of my state of mind.

Is there a place on Christmas Day

For those with broken hearted spirits?

Do we just wander through the fogs and pray

That next year won't be spent without those we hold dearest?

This is Kaos here for a review!

Interesting poem, though I don't really think you captured what you were trying to get across with the title completely with me. I didn't really get that feeling of being alone, especially on Christmas or some other holiday It's a nice and pleasant topic to touch on or tackle, but I don't think you hit the right nerves on all of this. The detail about the couples could have gone further and you could have expanded for s stronger line like how the main character didn't have anyone to hold their hand (and perhaps only their pocket did).

This is a basic 4 x 4 structure, so I encourage you to experiment with it. Structure is more important than you think in poetry and while it may seem to fit this poem, it's definitely beneficial to try other things than just that because it helps you build a stronger structure. This is how everything is versed and worded, even punctuation goes into it. Punctuation is something else that I wanted to touch on as well as line length. Try and make the punctuation in this poem stronger, but keep it simple. When you have a throw-away line or any line that stands on its own, you don't have to expand on it. If there is an image that you want to build, expand on it, appropriately, of course. Line length is something that is something that probably bothers me more than other people, but be sure to switch it up once in awhile at the appropriate time; let it be able to flow on its own as well as you controlling that flow.

Not going to touch on the rhyme in this poem rather than I didn't really find a reason for it to be there and it restricts the flow or passageway or imagery so I'm against it. It holds a pattern though some of it is almost-rhyming and that feels off-a-beat with things such as "strand" and "mind" which is probably the best example from that. I wanted more imagery to break through in the poem with the snow-soaked shoes.

The third line in the last stanza is worded awkwardly but I do like the beginning and ending stanzas for being nice and cute. It seems as if you're trying too hard to sound like you have a poetic voice in some places rather than your own and I want you to cut that with all the fancy wording. Word choice is important, yes, but you need a better reason than that it sounds 'nicer'.

Capture more of the tone of feeling alone with imagery and I think that this poem could potentially be more hard-hitting than it is now. The punctuation is something that needs to be touched on because in some places there are comma splices and to work out all the kinks in the flow. Loved the concepts and ideas already here, I just wanted more. Give us more images to attach emotion to.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

I liked that alot, and that last part, was perfect to me, I wanna look at your other poems if you have any more