Young Writers Society

Hello! My name is LadyShadows and I'm going to review this piece!

My initial thoughts is the fact that this was definitely an excellent piece. I loved it a lot! To me it had a fantasy, dreamy like feel to it. I like poems that have that sort of feel.
Now let's review, shall we?
The poem was in my opinion not too short and not too long. There was a little bit of repetitive parts in this but that's fine. You didn't over do this. I also noticed that you took the time to chop the poem in parts, which is a good thing, because it makes the poem clean. However you capitalized each line of the poem whether or not a sentence may have ended. And you know what? I'm going to tell you what I said to someone on a prior review: Don't sweat it. It's a simple mistake. I do it too, and yet I've written for a good portion of my life. But going on, I've noticed that in this poem that there is supposed to be rhyme, and yet it seemed forced. Meaning you tried to find words that rhymed with each other and yet did not; these words merely sounded like each other. You must be careful of that. It ruined the blooming consistency you had coming on. However, I think I may be a fan! I will see more of your works. Keep writing and have a great day!

Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
To begin, i think this poem is very simple and very sweet. i do not have a sister, but i fell that this poem encompasses that emotion, or at least as i have observed it between friends. It was quite enjoyable.
Now, i do have a few suggestion as to how you could improve this. To begin, i was bothered by the rhyme scheme. Oftentimes it seemed you were forced to twist your words into awkward phrases to fit the rhyme scheme, which resulted in some confusing sentences, like in the last few lines of your second stanza. There's not much you can do about this while maintaining the current rhyme scheme, besides just reading through and adjusting lines until they make more sense. Another thing that threw the flow off was the number of syllables in some your lines, like in the sixth stanza, and more subtly in most of the others. Again, i would recommend just reading through and seeing if you can adjust the syllable count per line until it sounds right. There's not much, in my opinion, one can do with traditional rhyme scheme poems. Although this was very nice, i encourage you to explore other poem styles, like free verse, to experiment with less constricting forms of lyric.
The other thing that really bothered me was the ending. It took me a couple times of reading through those last two lines to understand that they were a continuation of the sentence from the previous stanza. i suggest just forgetting the pre-existing pattern and just adding those two lines to the previous stanza, it would make more sense. Also regarding those two lines, i'm not quite sure what the message of this poem was. i was getting a real sisterhood/love vibe, but the final stanza seems to try to make a connection to some deeper pain, but i'm not sure what. try to make this clearer, maybe add another stanza or a few more details throughout to help you.
Anyways, i really did like the sweet vibe i got from this poem. If any of this was unclear and you need clarification, feel free to contact me with any questions!
Keep up the good work!
herbgirl

Hi there, ElvenJedi! Niteowl here to review this poem.

Overall, I like the story and imagery of this piece. Rhyming poems are often hard to pull off, but I think it worked well in this piece except for a few spots.

The first stanza was great, but the second one is my least favorite. It feels long and rambling, and the rhymes feel more forced. I do, however, like the line "And I told you words I’ve told not my dreams." I would consider making these lines a little shorter and clearer.

We relished the solemnity we share when our hearts are closest,

Than the nightmares that precede the midnight hours.

You must have felt the same,

For you nodded looked up to the sky, clouded with winter,

And we cried as we saw it fly back to whence it came,

And I wonder now if I’d have had a better dream