Fear stricken and paralyzed,
I stand here, petrified.
Images of open wounds,
of hollow lives and empty rooms.
My bones are frozen, my gaze is locked—
locked on something only I can see.
.
Fear stricken and terrified,
I lie here, just barely alive.
Memories of haunted dreams
more real than reality, repeat.
My brain is searching for escape, but all the exits are blocked—
blocked by conscious denial, shrouded by fear.
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139,477 Literary Works • 672,575 Reviews
Hello ElvinJedi!
Your title here piqued my interest, and then your poem sucked me in. And WoW was that amazing.
You managed to catch me in a frozen phase of my lovely cycle, so I relate to this a lot more than I might. I don't necessarily know exactly what you're referring to in your opening sentences. It could be PTSD, hallucinations, a panic attack, maybe you see through that layer and know exactly what is going on on the other side (God now's that can be terrifying). But regardless, your emotions here are real. The level of cold-sweat inducing fear is here, whatever the stimuli. Your writing is super descriptive, but not too much so. Maybe it's just because of where I am right now mentally, but your second half is hitting me really hard
I don't have anything negative to say. All your spelling is good. Your grammar is perfect. Your punctuation adds to the whole thing. Your formatting leaves nothing to be wanted. It flows perfectly in its own style. Your wording is good. From the start to the end, it pulls you in and keeps you fixated.
Great job and keep writing!
Autopilot
I really like the way you wrote this piece, however, if I may say this, I think it's a bit short. I wanted to keep reading and reached the bottom and realized that was all. You left me wanting more!!!! That's a really good thing!! Great Job!!!
Hello there, ElvenJedi!
First of all, I noticed something about the rhyme in the first stanza. You have a rhyme in the beginning, and for the rest of the poem it is completely wack. Was this intentional or...?
Anyway, even it isn't intentional, it seems to somehow fit.
Secondly, I like the how there's "fear stricken and" twice in the poem. It puts ephasis on fear and combines terror and being paralized, which really puts a vivid image into my head. It reminds me of a painting actually, although I'm not sure how it's called.
I think it's "scream". Not sure why, but I definitely see that as a plus.
My interpretation- You are trapped, in an agonizing, never ending mindset/mental state and you can't get out of it. Or perhaps you're trying to get over some kind of trauma ( "Memories of haunted dreams
more real than reality repeat").
I might be wrong but I'd definitely be glad to hear what you meant by the poem.
To sum it up:
-10/10 imagery
-rhyme is a bit weird
-decent flow
Thanks so much for the review, it was super helpful!
The odd rhyming was intentional, to emphasize the first two lines about fear in each stanza- and to answer your question, the poem is about someone who's being tormented by their own brain and imagination, not necessarily trauma induced by the outside world- hence the line is "memories of haunted dreams" rather than "memories of *IRL incident*" I did intentionally write it with some vagueness so it can be interpreted a few ways.
Anyway, thanks for the awesome review!
Ah , I see
Wow, this poem is intense! I love how you repeat certain sentence structures in each line of the stanzas. When I read this, I get a chill down my spine, as if I'm trapped as well! You set the tone perfectly well and the mood makes me feel scared for the person. Are they okay? What's going on? Good job! I love it.
Thank you!!