Young Writers Society

Ah, Chaser old friend. Here we go. You got me on SBs(when I did them, let's see if I get you here.)

I lost my car tires
To Meltdowning Road
They melted into the pavement
Which was made of more tires

I like where this is heading. From this stanza I get the feel that life is just built by other people's lives, like everyone leaves a path that someone else down the road will walk upon, and either build upon it, or stay and disappear into history with it.

My car was about to sink
When the road erupted from magma
And I bounced over hot rubber
To the rocky wayside.

One of the things I don't like about this was the use of magma. Magma is associated with lava, and I don't feel like lava and rubber in this scenario would go to together. I would use something like boiling tar, which is one of the ways to shape rubber and such. I find it gives a feel to what I was describing above, but this is good nonetheless.

My machine is bruised, yet unbroken
-the engine still starts, at least-
But wheels without grip
Are nothing but burning grindstones.

I don't like the grindstone imagery here, but I do like what you're trying to portray. I would stay strictly with road/rubber/tire/tar imagery, that way there's no confusion and you can keep expanding on your idea(and I HATE repetition.)

I'm walking down the tired side
Of Meltdowning Road
The big band of poison tar that
Encircles my spinning world

This right here reminds me of a song. "Get in this heart like a wheel and baby let's roll." It gives a feel of how everything comes full circle, and that's exceedingly good imagery to roll on with. Get it?

Anyway I think this is overall really good idea and I'd like to see you expand on it.

Keep on doing what you're doing.

Your friend, Cas.