Knives

Hi!

This poem is short, but it's strong. It consists only of a few words, but it holds a thousand messages. You kinda explained already in the second line that it's for butter, and you wrote it again in the second to the last line. I have no problems about it, though if you added "peanut" to the second butter, this poem might be my favorite because I love peanut butter.

Overall, it's meaningful and I liked this.

Keep writing and reading!

~Van

Hey, Chaser! Nice work you got there. Happy Review Day!

This is pretty meaningful, and at the same time has a feel of dry humor. But I think that if you put more punctuation marks, like after the first "butter" and "necks," "wrists," and "backs." I just feel like this would make it look a little better.

Other than that, I have nothing to say. It was a pretty good read. The last line got me laughing, just because you're talking about butter and then you jump in with jam. It's kind of hard to explain why it's funny, but ah, you know what I mean. At least I hope you do. It's kind of hard to get me.

Good work and keep writing!

-Artemis28, Team Zenith

Hey there, Chaser.

I want to talk about this poem. Although I don't just want to talk about it from a literal standpoint, but also from a contextual standpoint. Basically: the big ideas behind this. Briefly. But first...

I do like the satirical voice here. I find the narrator reassuring in a sardonic sort of way, and I think that your intentions are, indeed, in the correct place. I'm sure you know that many poems deal with this topic, to the point where it's nearly cliched, and you also know that many of them deal with it well. And some not so well.

I think, like Eveningstar said, this poem could be made even stronger with the addition of /more/. More juxtaposition, more metaphor, more comparison. More. Sometimes, stark and quiet is nice. But this is an important message, and I'd love to see it portrayed in a more engaging way.

One of the ways you can do that is to go deeper than just the instrument causing the pain. Think about the consequences--when you, for example, cut into a cake, what do you get? When you cut into your wrist, what do you get? The motion might be the same, but the effect is different--and I'd love to see more of this.

Sorry for the short review. This was a concise, stark, clear poem, and it communicates its message well, but I don't think it explores the effects of the user's actions as well as it could.

As we say in my hometown, don't forget to be awesome.

IronSpark

Hi there. I'm here to review your poem.

Well written and precise. A little more elaboration on the various circumstances (good and bad) wherein a knife can be used to various ends would make it even more striking. For example, the difference between the use of a knife while cutting a birthday cake, as opposed to the same thing being used during an episode of self-harm. The juxtaposition could show a vivid imagery. Even as it is though, it packs a pretty good punch. I like your short, crisp and no-nonsense style. It's spare and minimalist, but speaks volumes in a few words nonetheless. Looking forward to reading more of your work!

Only thing, keep an eye on your punctation. You use it in the last three line but completely skipped it in the first three.

Of course knives are meant for flesh! They were invented to cut into the deliciousness of a roast! Margo, of the Seuss variety, is virtually present to bisect your poem.

Effort! Where is it?! Did it take you long to write this? Did it take you long to think this up? I see where you are going...but I think you could get there in a much timelier fashion.

You cannot simply tell people to stop cutting themselves. What does that acheive?! People who cut themselves are self loathing. It is as much their nature as it is a fish's natures to swim. What are you going to tell the fish? Tails are for carressing not swimming? True for cats. Not true for fish. Not everyone is a fish, Chaser.

As for the butter, it will kill you faster! A few gashes here, a few gashes there...nothing to compare to the triglycerides butter likes to accrue in you arteries! If anything is going to kill you, I can say with a high amount of certainty it will be coronary artery disease.

Describe people as roasts of meat. If you're going to be satyrical, go big; this is what I tell myself before I attempt my serious face. Tell your audience knives were MADE to cut into charcoalized human. Describe the tangy juices that flow from their biceps as you weild your weapon for cannibalization...of yourself. Describe how you feel emotionally as you do this. Tell me the spice rub you used--I'm looking for a new recipe.

I savour attempts. But in the end, I devour them. Write until your fingers bleed. Then, write some more.

A good work is never finished.

--MS