Always lost and broken and scarred and scared,
A sorrowful, shattered, smashed, sordid boy,
If I'm ever asked how my life has fared,
I'd say that it's bleak, devoid of all joy,
In a world of pain, land of agony,
With fear we lose trust in all of mankind,
The sky's stained black, painted dark ebony,
Humanity slowly loses its mind,
Consumed by anger, greed, strife and despair,
Our evil souls cursed to perish in pain,
Blissful dreams transmuted to a nightmare,
A dread that pours down like sickening rain,
But then I look to you, and I recall,
That there's beauty in mankind after all.
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139,289 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
God! I'm speechless. This is such a beautiful piece. There are few people in our lives who, without realising, change our perspective of how we view the world. It’s emotional to read about that.
The imagery you painted for us, the powerful rhyming scheme (at least for me), and especially the last line – Jeez, I’m in love with it! I loved the starting lines. You introduced us to the harsh truth, and it set the dark tone for us. From the beginning, we could tell that the speaker expresses negative views. However, after that, it’s interesting to see that they still have some positivity left.
Well done! I enjoyed reading this a lot.
Keep writing!
Hey Chaser,
This one took my heart away. It started off as a well-written poem but the way you ended it with this line
"But then I look to you, and I recall,
That there's beauty in mankind after all."
I swear this poem had my heart.
The way you paint ebony off the sky through this poem of yours, is absolutely wonderful. Going by the flow, it seemed it would end on a depressing note but the ending was literally the climax that makes it fully deserving to be in the spotlight!
Congratulations and good luck
-Ishita Dutt
Hey there Chase.
I really loved this poem, especially the imagery of darkness that you bring across really well, like in this line:
Nice alliteration there as well!
And I loved this part:
Great picture you create, very dark and barren. I really love it!
One thing I think that you could improve upon is the rhythm. This is written in the form of a sonnet, and the rhyme scheme is wonderful, but if I read it out loud, emphasising syllables according to iambic pentameter (traditional of sonnets) then several lines sound off. Let me know if you need help with that, but otherwise, amazing poem! I can't wait to see more.
-Falco
Iamb sorry, I have no idea how to improve its rhythm.
Hello Chaser. My name's Wonderwoman. I really loved your sonnet. They are very hard to accomplish and I think you did a fabulous job. First you start off with saying how everything is going wrong and that you feel sad and broken. Then at the end you turn your chin up and think of someone and find the beauties of the world. I adore this poem and I liked that you kept to the English standard of capitalizing the first word of every stanza. No criticism so, hooray! awesome! fabulous! terrific! amazing! ...you get the picture.
Keep writing and NEVER get discouraged!
If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.
-Thomas Edison
~\/\/onder
I love how sad and haunting this poem is. It sort of reminds me of the beginning of the song, "The Awakening." It sort of slaps you in the face with all of this ABSOLUTELY UNDENIABLY TRUE stuff, but then coats it in beauty with your fabulous word choice.
But one person can make the world a whole lot brighter, isn't that true? One person can make the world amazing for someone else. You can call this an emo poem, but that doesn't change the message. This is amazing. Keep writing!
-Grace