If Pride is for the arrogant,
If Fear is for the weak,
If Pain and Shame are Guilt and Sin,
And Sadness for the bleak,
If Joy is Sorrow in disguise,
And Anger for the cruel,
If Envy is a bitter greed,
Desire, a quest for fools,
If Satisfaction turns to dust,
If Bravery means naught,
If you shall be betrayed by Trust,
Pity is your weak spot,
Confusion is for idiots,
Hope is just an ideal,
But if Love is unattainable,
Then what am I to feel?
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139,355 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hey Gem here crawling out of her Jewelrybox for a short review.
This poem is absolutely amazing! I like it, and in this situation that can never be a better thing! This poem was amazing!!
I like the title, and it made me want to read your poem. I was just scrolling through the poetry and then I found your piece."If Emotion". I have to be honest, I thought I could relate. That was what made me click on your piece, the spurring title. You are great with naming things.
This poem really explains emotions. This is not a small topic. This topic is huge, and difficult to write about properly. You thought of something so great, and you captured all of it. Your formatting was great. It was very easy to read. Usually if your formatting is good so is your flow.
You have an amazing poem! It made me think a little! You have much potential! As for errors of punctuation it looks good. I like the capitalization of the emotions. That was all I saw great job!
I would like to read more from you! Keep writing! Thank!
And with that Gem climbs back into her Jewelrybox until next time.
<3
Hey there, Chaser.
I agree with Mysticalxx. This /is/ a thought-provoking poem, and I think that's its purpose. It's, I think, a commentary on how our society views displays of emotion. Or, rather, how it doesn't always. This is written in your typical sardonic voice, but I heard it with a tinge of helplessness this time. It's true that we often greet displays of emotion with an oversimplification, and that we often fail to imagine others as the complex beings that they are, and I love the way you communicated this. I only spotted a few slip-ups that think could be fixed with a bit of tape and scissors.
First,
This second line felt a little... off for me. I think it was because your other rhymes have been spot-on, and this one wasn't as much. I'd try something like, "Desire makes a fool", personifying "desire". That'd be, syllable-wise and content-wise, technically correct.
This second line is also a bit off. It can be fixed by, I think, changing "pity is" to a contraction, "pity's" and adding an "and" before it, so "if you shall be betrayed by Trust, / and Pity's your weak spot". That being said, it still feels off to me, although I can't tell why... :/
Anyway, finally,
I think this "but" would be better an "and".
--
That's it for me! Keep writing and don't forget to be awesome!
IronSpark
Wow! REALLY, really insightful, thought provoking poem (at least, it was that for me).Well done! This is one of the issues the world is facing today-even emotions have been given labels, and people are sneered at for having so and so. Anyhow, you captured the idea realy well! The rhyming scheme is perfect and I couldn't find any spelling or grammatical mistakes. Thumbs up!
Mysticalxx
Hello.
I came upon this because of the title. I really like how you mention these types of emotions. I think that is very creative.
The rhyming was very good, and the syllable count was amazing. I don't usually find songs and poems having the same syllable per beat. I counted them and I saw that every first and third lines have 8 beats while the second and fourth lines have 6 beats. That is very good. Only the line "But if Love is unattainable" has 9 beats. Other than that, you did a good job handling the syllables.
The poem was well-written. Keep writing!!!!
Hey hey!
I haven't reviewed anything in awhile, but to get back into the swing of things I am so happy that this can be my first piece to review since my return! This poem is absolutely amazing! I have never seen anything like it, and in this situation that can never be a better thing! This poem was simply amazing!!
I usually talk about the title, and that is what really drew me to your poem. I was just scrolling through the Green Room and then I came across your piece. I read the title, "If Emotion". I have to be honest, I was quite curious. That was what made me click on your piece, the title. I love a clever title, and you fore sure have that going for you.
This poem really gets to the core of emotions. Now, I have thought about it, and this is not a small topic. This topic is very vast, and at times difficult to write about. Often times, an author tends to write about one emotion, or tries to contrasts two. But you have gone all out making it very unique and interesting to read. You thought of something difficult to
write about, and you for sure conquered it!
One of my pet peeves when reviewing and writing poetry is the formatting and flow. I think that these are two essential things to a great poem. Without a healthy and good looking format, for me it just makes me cringe a little. You could have a great message, but horrible formatting, and that just sets me off a little. Your formatting was right on the dot. It was clean and very easy to read. Usually if your formatting is good, then so is your flow. Which, in this case, is also superb.
You have an amazing poem! It made me think and also study myself a little! You have so much potential! As for errors of punctuation... well I didn't really look, but it looked pretty good. I understand the capitalization of all of the emotions. That was really I saw, but yeah other than that great job!
I can't wait to read more from you! And do everyone a favor and keep writing!!! Thanks again!
Stay classy and write on.
-Annaclare
What a thoughtful and elegant poem.
I feel the title would be better if you used, say, the first line of the poem.
Holy moly, Chaser! You have my thoughts provoked to the point that I am questioning each and every one of my emotions. My first thought (and I don't know why, it just popped into my head) was the Seven Deadly Sins, but that was just because I saw pride and I thought that it could have been meant as a personification. I don't know if you had this in mind, and please don't be offended if it was not, but now I am thinking of all those who judge us because of how and what we feel. We shouldn't be judged by what and how we feel. We are the masters of our emotions. Not the evils of teenage peer pressure and even older people who think that they have the right to tell us otherwise, unless occupation demands a certain amount of hardness. Like the military.
Okay I liked this poem but I do have something that I think should be pointed out. In today's world, rhyming schemes are more of a classy (and beautiful if done nicely) detail, rather than an actual requirement. That being said, I see that the third stanza is the one with an actual rhyming scheme. Don't get me wrong, it was well-done, but when the rest if the poem has no rhyme scheme, it just makes the whole poem feel a little disproportionate. So I suggest either make the rest of the poem rhyme or figure out a way to take out the rhyming words without ruining the full impact.
Either way, it'll still be a great poem. Have a nice day!!!