We all would be Atlas
holding up the weight of the world
were it not so hard
to get a grip on it.
I mean, it's more the phenomenon
that the ancient gods placed the entire sky
on that one mountain,
so Atlas could hold it up.
It must be some divine quality he had,
holding the sky together as well as in place.
Whenever I try to,
It slips between my fingers in a deluge of wind.
Reaching every person who suffers
is far to hard for me alone.
I could be that other kind of atlas,
and helpfully point out society's geography.
We are all infinitely strong.
But what we need is the opportunity to make something of it.
And so we'll lie in our beds and roll to our graves
Waiting for that chance.
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139,535 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Radrook here to provide feedback with the sole purpose of helping. WOW! If you can ponder such profound thoughts and describe the concepts so elegantly at age sixteen when most teens are thinking about other things, then as an adult you will definitely reach great heights as a writer.
I love the way this poem takes the Greek mythological idea of Atlas holding up the sky and gradually expands on it until we as readers can see its relevance to ourselves. Atlas was a pre Olympian god and his ability to hold up the sky should not be surprising. He was turned to stone and became the Atlas Mountains because he gazed upon Medusa.
https://www.greekmythology.com/Titans/Atlas/atlas.html
https://www.greekmythology.com/Titans/titans.html
My favorite parts of the poem are getting a grip on the sky, the wind described as a deluge and rolling from our beds into the grave, and becoming another kind of Atlas.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.
....is far [too] hard....
Hello. Kanome here with a review!
The word usage creates such a strong imagery for your readers, which is amazingly done well. The poem flows well, and it seems like the poem is describing something of deep meaning.
I was not able to find any grammar/comma errors in this poem, so that's a very good job on your part.
All I can say is that keep up the great work. Keep on writing and enjoy your day!
- Kanome
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you in any way, I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
Wow! Well time to dig my grave now. Haha! Anyways when you did this poem it paint the picture, and it is the best picture I can see.
From what I can see you don't have any grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.