A single copper idol drops through time and space, sliding
against metal and moving. It rolls slowly in a steel spiral,
making lazy loops to the edge of the galaxy.
Speed wipes the atmosphere from its surface, unable to stop
the impossibly tilted orbit, as sonic paradise
begins to close in, it begins to hear the sound
of its own grind, and the black hole swallowing the universe
beneath it. Riding the orbit, it cannot help but be dragged
in coriolis to oblivion.
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139,564 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
This poem was fun to read! I love sci fi and concepts that might lead to a sci fi story. Comparing the black hole and its swallowing of matter to a wishing well and its drain generates many thought provoking possibilities from a sci fi fantasy writer’s perspective.
For example: Is there a someone making wishes while things fall into the black hole as those tossing the coins in a wishing well on earth do? How far might a superstitious civilization go in using a black hole as a cosmic wishing well and using planets instead of metal coins? Which planets would such a technologically advanced albeit extremely superstitious extra terrestrial civilization choose? Would they choose populated planets as well? Good prompt for a sci fi story.
After all, the coin in this case is being compared to a planet since it if provided with an atmosphere which is stripped away as it is devoured.
But please note that the analogy isn't perfect because of the difference between them.
For instance, we know what happens to coins once they enter the drain. But we don’t know anything what happens to things swallowed by a black hole. Some have speculated that matter emerges at another distant location in the universe described as a white hole.. Others say that it might simply be destroyed.Others that there is no way of knowing. So the comparison with a coin does break down because of the drastic difference between a drain in a wishing well and a black hole.
However, the poem does illustrate the unfortunate human propensity to be irrational. Mankind has always been superstitious and has tended to ascribe certain actions as bringing about certain results simply because the desired result follows the action. A child is sacrificed to a volcano and the volcano calms down an hour later. Voila! A batter wears a certain shirt, notices he hits home runs with it on. Cool! Toss a coin in a well and a few days later what yiou wished for happens. So the wisshing well did it.
All in all a very enjoyable read which encourages deep thinking. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
I love those kinds of wishing wells! I'm FantasyWriter76, or Fantasy76, if you preferred. Now to the review!
BREAKING NEWS: A HUGE FLOOD OF NOSTALGIA INCOMING! But seriously, these wishing wells were so satisfying and fun to watch! Recently, I got to use one again, and memories was what followed.
Some people already said this, but I'll say it too, because it should be stressed that you should put your poem in stanzas so it is more easily processed by the reader.
That was my review, I give this poem a 4 wishing wells out of 5
-FantasyWriter76
If it is sliding then it is moving. So that is a redundancy.
The words Coriolis and oblivion will probably confuse most members here.
Hey, Onii-Chan here!
Great poem, I loved those things as I grew up!
I really loved your adjectives. The way you wrote this poem makes it feel surreal, almost. The only thing that seems to get me is that your flow of the poem feels choppy. It just doesn’t feel like a smooth poem. Maybe try to separate your poem into stanzas?
Keep on writing!