Chapter1
The woman stood still, her eyes locked on her reflection distorted through the rain-speckled mirror. Time seemed to freeze as she took in the changes that had occurred. Despite being in her early thirties, her reflection showed signs of aging far beyond her years.
With a lifeless face, she stared at the mirror, her eyes vacant and distant. The grace of her saree had faded, now burdened with the marks of daily toil. Her hair, once a symbol of beauty, lay in disarray, streaked with white and broken. Each detail in the mirror seemed to mock the promise she had made to herself, highlighting the passage of time she had failed to control. The tear that escaped her eye was a silent acknowledgment of the loss and the disillusionment she felt.
Her mind drifted back years, to a time when she was a child. Despite the scarcity of food and the heavy burden of an alcoholic father and a hardworking mother, she had been a beacon of liveliness. Her world, though stark and challenging, was one she embraced with an innocent joy. She was oblivious to the harsh realities that surrounded her, lost in her own imaginative world. Yet, in her small universe, she found solace and happiness, untouched by the struggles that marked her family life. The contrast between that youthful exuberance and the weariness she now faced was a painful reminder of how much had changed.
As the rain dwindled, leaves shook off the last drops and the streets became waterlogged, resembling small lakes, clouds gradually cleared. A vibrant rainbow arched across the sky, casting a colorful glow over the landscape. The sound of the doorbell jolted her from her reverie. She quickly moved to greet the children who had just arrived. Their laughter filled the air as they marveled at the rainbow that seemed to envelop the house in its embrace. The scene was a sharp contrast to her earlier reflection, bringing a moment of joy and renewal amidst the lingering echoes of the past.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,022 Literary Works • 672,748 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression
Well this was quite the introspective little piece here, really diving in deep to how this person feels about themselves and the years that have passed. Certainly seems on the path to some not so great recognition there.
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well looks like someone is about to take a really good look at themselves there. Makes for quite an interesting opening. Certainly lives up to the namesake there of it being a day our protagonist recognizes herself.
Oh dear looks like what's in the mirror is not proving to be everything that you wanted there. Certainly seems like quite a scare is being given out as a result and the emotions there about the sadness and loss is quite powerful. I really love the use of the single tear as well.
Well it certainly looks like the years have taken quite a toll on her. She certainly doesn't seem happy with it either. Once again really love how you tell us so much like this about her past her, really showcasing why this moment of seeing herself is so important.
Well that's a hopeful little end to tie things up there. Some beauty sneaking into what was otherwise a bleak image and some happiness for her despite all the questions the past has brought up here.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
Overall
Overall a lovely little start. I hopped on here having seen part two in the green room so I'm gonna go ahead and take a look at chapter two now. This has so far been a pretty solid opening chapter.
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Thank you
Alwaysea
In my opinion
Is one of the best
Writers I have known
Her novel
The day I recognize myself
Is a wonderful novel to read
I recommend all the people
To read
The people who reads that
Novel will not be disappointed
Thankyou so much
Alwaysea
In my opinion
Is one of the best
Writers I have known
Her novel
The day I recognize myself
Is a wonderful novel to read
I recommend all the people
To read
The people who reads that
Novel will not be disappointed
Heyo! This piece caught my interest and here I am to review it!! I review as I go. Let's get started!
I love the addition of the word "lifeless." It adds such a great meaning to the narrative. However, I suggest deleting "and distant" because vacant and distant mean basically the same thing, and it sounds a lil repetitive. I feel like vacant is the stronger of the words.The opening line instantly drew me in. I can easily picture this contemplative woman standing in front of the mirror like that. It took me a second read over to even notice the oddity of the subtle detail of the rain speckled mirror. I wonder if she is outside. I want to know more about this setting so of course I'm going to read on.
But quick note. First, there should be a space between "chapter" and "1." Secondly, the first sentence was a little hard to understand at first glimpse. I suggest utilizing a comma between "reflection" and "distorted."
The aging you speak of I cannot but help is both literal and emotional. This woman I can already tell is wrapped in mystery and unspoken hardship. She stares into a face aged by unfortunate circumstances I am supposing. This interest draws me in and my curiosity is sparked. I want to know more about this woman. Great job adding these details. You really draw the reader in!!
As I was expecting, this woman is a hard worker, evidenced by the fact that her clothes have become stained with work. I wonder what misfortunes have befallen her.
This part sounded a little bit off. Try putting "broken" elsewhere in the sentence.
This was a powerful statement! She feels a heavy disappointment in herself. But for doing what? What has she done to herself and her life? I want to jump in the sorry and reassure her, you do such a great job at dropping empathy into my heart at these words. She seems so hard on herself!
That next paragraph was great! It developed a strong contrast to who the woman was as a child to who she is now. Wonderfully written!! I believe her growing up and shedding that childlike imagination that kept her innocent was really what suddenly caused all this pain...but no...there must be more. The woman is in her 30s.
The last paragraph has me hooked. She had a moment of true sadness as she looked back on the years, but even despite all of that, she can still be joyful as she looks into the lives of these children I can only imagine she instills feelings of the peace and security that she is lacking.
Overall, great beginning! I'm curious to know what caused all of her suffering and what happens next. You painted a wonderful and yet very simple image of the woman. You didn't give her a name and kept description limited as if you are inviting all your readers to somehow partake in her sufferings and in a sense become the character.
My only other suggestion is maybe give a little more description as far as surrounding goes. I'm curious where she is standing that there would be a mirror outside.
Hope this review helps!
-Kaia
Thank you so much
Hello friend! I'm so so glad I stumbled upon this lovely piece of yours. Let's jump right into the review, shall we?
To begin, the imagery! This entire piece felt like a masterpiece of vivid descriptions. I love how well you describe every single thing that you go through. It felt very poetic to me, honestly. Almost like a poem chapter more so.
I love the language that you use throughout the entire thing. You use some very beautiful words, such as exuberance. I like how the words you use give us so much more meaning than just words on a page. Seeing you use things like exuberance and awareness, gives your words this downward tug, almost showing us that true sorrow that a person faces, with this painful reminder of change. I also love how you attach these physical sensations to something so emotional, like how a person changes.
Like I said, this chapter felt like a poem. I want to learn more about who "she" is. what does she look like, how old is she, what has caused her to feel this way, and what's going to happen next? I think you did a wonderful job at painting this symbolic and imagery, but I would love to have seen more actual context as to what is happening. It ends with the doorbell ringing and her greeting these children who arrive, at what I assume to be her home. I love how you contrast this earlier reflection that she has as being something dark, with her meeting these children, which is something that almost brings her out of the dark place for just a moment. Seems pretty accurate of trauma, in my opinion. I'm eager to see part two and to see what she has gone through that has caused so much pain for her in her life. Wonderful work keep writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Thank you
I enjoyed reading your
Post
It is very well
Written
Thank you