It started like any other day — the usual whirlwind of chores, kids groaning about school and the same old routine. Everyone left the house, and I was feeling really low for the past few days. I thought, "Today’s the day. I’m finally going to let it all out. A good, dramatic cry. Like in the movies." So, I grabbed my food, tissues in hand, ready to dive into my emotional meltdown while watching an old movie.
I pressed play… and then my mixer caught my eye. *Ugh,* I thought, “I’ve been meaning to get this fixed.” It’s one of those broken appliances you just live with until it annoys you enough. I figured, “It’s going to take like five minutes. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Famous last words. I called customer support, thinking I’d be done in no time. An hour later, I was still answering questions like, “What kind of mixer do you have?” “What model is it?” “How many buttons does it have?” I was about to scream, “I DON’T KNOW! It’s a mixer! It mixes things!” But I stuck with it. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they took my complaint. I sighed with relief… until I realized I just spent my whole morning on hold. There went half my day.
Okay, no problem, I thought. I’ll just heat up my food and cry in peace. I was ready. I was determined. I sat down with my food, tissues ready, and just as I was about to hit play on my movie, *ding dong*. Oh, great. The timing could not be worse.
I opened the door, and there she was — my neighbor, arms piled high with shopping bags. She looked like a Christmas tree with all the stuff she was carrying. "Oh hey!" she said, practically skipping into my house. "I got the BEST deals today!" Her face looked like she just discovered the secret to eternal happiness.
I put on my best “I’m so interested” face, but inside, I was already planning my escape route. She plopped down and started unpacking everything with dramatic flair. "Look at these shoes! These were on sale for only $5! And this necklace, only $2!"
I nodded, grinning like an idiot. But inside my head, I was thinking:
- *“How is she so excited about shoes? It’s like 3 p.m.”*
- *“What diet is she on? I need some of that energy.”*
- *“She found the time to go shopping for hours? Meanwhile, I’m just trying to fix a broken mixer!”*
-*"May be, it's her way of a good cryy"*
- *“Look at her hair. How is it so smooth? What shampoo does she use? Can I afford that shampoo?”*
She was still going strong. I was half-listening, half-lost in my thoughts, pretending to care while mentally calculating how long this was going to take. She didn’t even pause for a breath. "Oh, and you won’t believe what I bargained for this jacket! It’s normally $50, but I got it for $10!”
I couldn’t even hide my shock. I blurted out, “$10?! That’s cheaper than my last trip to the grocery store!” She didn’t even notice the sarcasm, just kept on talking. I was nodding, smiling, and occasionally throwing in a “Wow!” or “That’s amazing!” like a trained seal.
Finally, she said, “Well, I gotta go show these to a few more neighbors. It’s already late.” Thank goodness. My chance to finally cry was *just* within reach. I was *this* close.
I heated up my food. Again. Grabbed the tissues. Again. Just as I was about to settle into my moment, *ding dong* — the doorbell rang again. I almost lost it. Who was it now? A salesperson? A delivery driver? Who ever it is they're gonna get some peace of my mind..
Nope. It was the repair guy. Of course it was. These guys are like rare Pokémon. You wait for weeks, and when they finally show up, it's never a good time. But today, he was here, right when I was about to start my cry. I couldn’t even be mad. He fixed the mixer in *record time*. He probably just felt sorry for me.
As soon as he finished, the kids came back home. *Great*. My chance for a good cry was now gone. It was a race against time. I started running through the chores, determined to still get some emotional release later. We finally sat down to watch a movie together – a horror movie, no less. Perfect! The house was quiet, everyone was in their pajamas, and I thought, “Finally, a moment of peace. Finally, I can cry.”
Just as the movie got to the scary part, I heard a little voice from the bedroom. "Moooommm!" I rushed in, expecting the worst. "What’s wrong?" I asked, trying to keep it together.
My little one was sitting up in bed, eyes wide with fear. "She’s crying!" he wailed, pointing at the screen.
“What? No, that’s just the movie!” I said, desperately trying to reassure him. But he was already panicking. "She’s crying, Mommy, make her stop!”
And there I was, *the irony of all ironies*: my little one was crying because of a horror movie, while I was desperately trying to have a moment of my own tears. At least someone was crying in the dreams, right?
Of course, that’s when the crying escalated. The whole night was a blur of "Mom, I'm scared!" and "Mom, I want to sleep with you!" And there went my peaceful cry, my sleep, my everything.
Who has time to cry anyway when you're busy being the emotional support for everyone else?
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,748 Reviews
This story has the most clear yet vague elements I have ever seen. And what a wonderful mix of them are! The one definitive meaning a regular person could see is that there is never enough time in someone's life to do what they want to do. Have a laugh, let the dopamine pour in, all out of the window.
A glaring hidden meaning our POV is trying to tell us is that life is most definitely not fair to her. All of the time she can crunch into one day was spent and she couldn't have fun for herself still. Everyone she met that day had the time to experience emotions, whether good or bad, where she had to attend to their needs.
The genuine frustration and annoyance that appears when the character is constantly blast-charged with other people is quite something. Her soul is asking "When is it time for me to have fun? When will the world care about my opinions, my schedules, my important events?", while the world does what it does best, ignoring.
I can see, or more accurately, feel what the character is experiencing. To never taste what life used to feel like, to enjoy the sweet drops of pleasure that you once had every day. The days of being alive are over for her.
Thank you for reading this review, and cheers!
Thank you so much reading my work and making time for the review
Hello! I hope you're doing well!
As someone who believes all people should cry more often, because it is one of the best sources of catharsis, you did an amazing job getting me to sympathize with this short stories' protagonist. I got genuinely frustrated as her attempts to achieve a mere moment of peace were thwarted again and again, (though I do also love the neighbor; if I got a 50$ jacket for 10$, you best believe I'd be knocking on everybody's doors and telling them about it! And a pair of shoes for 5$? Unless they were crawling with maggots, you best believe I'd be thrilled!)
Brilliant bargains aside, from customer service call to restless children, the protagonist's exasperation, and growing desperation, felt very real. Her goal was straightforward, but that works extremely well in your favor. It makes it easy for the reader to cheer for her, and to be sad when she doesn't succeed.
You also used a lot of strong similes throughout the piece that really stuck out to me. Likening the neighbors shopping bags to gifts under the Christmas tree was inspired, and this line,
made me laugh out loud! This kind of descriptive language really brings your short story to life. Kudos!
My favorite line though, which made me pause and reflect, was earlier in the piece,
Even as your protagonist is annoyed but her socially inept neighbor, she takes a moment to sympathize with her. The neighbor already serves as an obstruction to the protagonists "good cry," which is good on it's own. But the protagonist's insight into why the neighbor is behaving as an obstruction- that she is seeking emotional catharsis in her own bizarre way- neatly ties back into your stories theme. It makes things feel cohesive.
There are a few formatting tricks I'd recommend you play around with. While there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to creative writing, when it comes to a stories formatting, there are a few conventions that readers expect, and that most works follow. Because writing is a visual medium, good formatting makes it easier for people to understand the author's intent.
I noticed that you indicated when the protagonist was thinking in three different ways. Initially, you use quotations, then asterisks, and finally, a combination of the two.
i.e.
By switching between these three indicators, you may confuse the reader about when a character is speaking, versus when they are thinking. Less importantly, though still relevant, none of these three methods match the usual conventions for writing a character's train of thought.
Most often, a character's thoughts are written in italics, or are sometimes put in apostrophes. (') So instead of
it would be
or
I personally prefer italics, because it's used far more prevalently. On top of that, apostrophes are occasionally used in place of quotations (") in some works...which is a pet peeve of mine, but technically also correct.
The main thing to bear in mind is this; you should strive to be extremely consistent about how and when you use punctuation. This will minimize confusion in the reader and make your story easier to digest.
Also, a good rule of thumb for formatting dialogue is to begin a new paragraph when a different character speaks. You do this fairly consistently in the conversation with the neighbor, but this paragraph,
could be reformatted as this:
Like with punctuation, this style of formatting makes your writing more intuitive. It makes things easier on the writer, too; before I did this in my own writing, I had to do a lot more heavy lifting to make sure the reader understood who was speaking, which made my writing clunkier than it would've been otherwise.
Like you're poem, this short story was almost painfully relatable. It's the perfect example of slice-of-life fiction- a little bit sad, a little bit entertaining, and all the way endearing. I really enjoyed reading it, and hope to read more from you very soon!
In the meanwhile, keep on writing, and have a great rest of your day!
Thank you so much horisun....I will definitely keep in mind the suggestions for my next one...thankyou once again for the suggestion %uD83D%uDE03