A cloth once torn can be sewn tight,
With careful hands, it looks all right.
You won’t see where the tear had been,
But it’s not the same as it was then.
A broken glass with heat and care,
Can sparkle fresh with flair to spare.
But no one sees the crack inside,
That once had nowhere left to hide.
A cracked old egg, with stick and thread,
Some feathers placed, a nest instead.
It looks like art, a cute display,
But not the egg of yesterday.
A chair that broke, you still can use,
For firewood or to hold your shoes.
It serves a role, it plays a part,
But it no longer holds your heart.
And then there’s me — my shattered core,
Still smiling like I did before.
But since you left and walked away,
A storm in me still floods each day.
You said “I’m sorry,” soft and low,
But sorry can’t erase the blow.
It won’t undo the trust you killed,
Or fix the cracks your lies had filled.
Betrayal burns — it leaves a mark,
A hole that grows deep in the dark.
I may look fine, I play the game,
But deep inside, I’m not the same.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,022 Literary Works • 672,747 Reviews
I really liked how you tied in the feeling of betrayal with wounds. Some wounds are so deep, barely unfixable just like betrayal. Betrayal is that deep wound, that'll probably hurt more than any other form of physical pain. This line really captures that too.
''A cloth once torn can be sewn tight,
With careful hands, it looks all right.
You won’t see where the tear had been,
But it’s not the same as it was then.''
This is a good starting point of your poem. You used the illustration of a cloth, that can be sewn up, but then towards the end you mentioned that it's not the same as it was then.
''A broken glass with heat and care,
Can sparkle fresh with flair to spare.
But no one sees the crack inside,
That once had nowhere left to hide.''
This part really illustrates that although you may say sorry, there is still that deep wound inside although the person may look fine on the outside.
''You said “I’m sorry,” soft and low,
But sorry can’t erase the blow.
It won’t undo the trust you killed,
Or fix the cracks your lies had filled.''
This is the climax of the poem that I really liked. Us, humans, are a very fragile thing. We harm others, and bring them pain without knowing it, and we think everything will be erased with just a simple sorry. Sorry doesn't erase anything.
''Betrayal burns — it leaves a mark,
A hole that grows deep in the dark.
I may look fine, I play the game,
But deep inside, I’m not the same.''
Betrayal hurts and makes it hard to forgive. It's a hole as you described that burns.
I really like the illustrations you used in your poem. They really bring the poem to life.
Thank you so much lovely for reading
It is amazingly good. The rhymes are amazing! For my story, I had to use ChatGTP to help with mine! My favorite lines are
You said "I'm sorry," soft and low,
but sorry can't erase the blow.
It tells about sadness and forgiveness. If you like this type of stuff, you should check me out! I love it! You should continue writing poems, because you are talented at it!
Thank you so much for the positive review..I am not talented but It's really hard for me come with lines sometimes and especially the punctuation. Please, read some of my other works whenever you have time. I would love to see your thoughts.
Of course! I will check out some of your others
Thank you
Hello, My Friend!
I hope your day/night has been well thus far! After spotting this piece in the Green Room, I'm here to give this piece a quick review!
To start, this a beautiful poem! I love the allegory of scars and repurposing in this, and how even when most things are mended, there will be marks that still show it was once broken. Not only did it make for some great visuals as I read, but the way it plays into those themes of betrayal and heartbreak was so gorgeous and seamless.
*ahem* As far as a technical review goes, I honestly have nothing to recommend here! The rhyme scheme, the meter, the word choice—I thoroughly enjoyed everything about this poem!
For favorite lines and parts, I would have to say...
I love the point you make with the examples of the cloth and glass—how they can be mended and function just fine, but they fundamentally won't be the same. It really is such a good metaphor for this poem!
LOVE this stanza—what it's saying about betrayal, and potentially so many other ways we slight each other as humans (especially those we're supposed to be close to, sadly enough). And it's very true that more often than not, there's no degree of words that could reverse what happened, or fix the "cracks" it leaves...
And this grande finale, encapsulating everything, just...No words, so beautifully written. It's raw, it's ominous, it's foreboding—I love this.
Overall, this was an awesome poem! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Thankyou so much for the wonderful review
This is an amazing poem. I love it, it's so relatable. Is it okay if I send it to one of my friends? I think she'd like it.
Yes absolutely..I would be honored. Thanks you so much
Her responses:
%u2026.. wow%u2026
i have no words-..
Thank you-..
Ya, that one is really good%u2014 But I don%u2019t know. I might be a bit biased, since it relates to me so well.
Thank you so much for sharing it with me....it made my day %uD83D%uDE03
And now she's saying that I need to tell you that "they are incredible and they have quite a future ahead of them." I have to agree. xD
OMG...I am really honored to hear that. Thank you so much ivyrose and for your friend. Please convey my gratitude to her
This is some absolutely stunning work here.
What's being talked about is something universal and easy to relate to. How once a thing breaks, it can't ever be restored to its former self, despite one's best efforts. It can be turned into art or something else useful, but cannot ever be the same again. Beautiful concept!
You use numerous similiar metaphors to prove your point. You can sew back a torn cloth but it'll always be weaker than before. Even when you can't see where the tear used to be, you know in your soul, that it existed. How you can melt and shape glass anew but it still harbours a crack beyond its superficial shine, suggesting deep damage that can't be undone with surface level welding. A cracked egg can be turned into an art of a nest but it's no longer the egg it was meant to be. A broken chair can yield firewood but it is no longer able to play it's destined role.
You move on to compare your broken self to all these examples. How your smile doesn't hide your shattered soul. The one who did you wrong apologises but you're aware that all it does is soothes his guilt and your situation can't be helped.
This has got to my favourite line. It's an active taunt on the accused. Compared to the majority tone of your poetry which focusses more on the impact you face because of the hurt, it stands out pointing a finger at the one responsible for it.
Immortal idea that you could never go wrong with. Painful to read & imagine the hurt being endured quietly under the mask of a fake smile in the game of pretense. Lovely rhymes make the poem truly heavenly, despite the melancholic theme. In a nutshell, exquisite work!
Thank you so much for the wonderful review