Me VS other Me

Hi there! Happy Review Day from the Purple Prose Eaters. Your title kept catching my eyes, so here I am. I'll just kind of ramble through my thoughts

a badass version of who I long to be?

Well, that's a pretty relatable line huh? xD

Hiding her pain behind a smile or frown?

Hiding behind a smile makes sense. Hiding pain behind a frown isnt ....really.hiding it? It.may not be showing how deep the pain is, but it certainly isnt covering up. You have s tight rhyme scheme going, so perhaps something about "clown" would go with smile?

What if her laughter hides a silent scream,

Her perfect life just a fragile dream

See, this is the perfect example of what i was trying to say above. This works perfectly

And if her life sparkles, carefree and bright,

Would I embrace it, bask in the light?

Such a good question that shows us a lot about ourselves. Are we unhappy only because of circumstances, or are we our own worst enemy at times.when it comes to happines and joy. I know that hits my right where I live. It's a battle most people face in the light of others' success as well. It's very hard to give them their flowers and use it as jet fuel to light your own path, as opposed to getting angry or sulking.

Overall I love this poem. Im a big fan of heavy rhyming in poetry, so i really appreciated seeing some of that. On the flip side, some line breaks are really needed here. This is one massive line of poetry otherwise. YWS can be really funky with ruining spacing you may have had in your original word doc, so I sometimes.just add dashes where I would prefer a line break so

End of stanza 1
-
Beginning of stanza 2

Hope this helps
~Mess

Howdy, AlwaySea! I hope you're having a good day or night!

I was fascinated by this poem's premise. I think every human, at one point or another, has wondered if they'd be happier in a different version of themselves's shoes, and you do an excellent job putting that universal feeling into words.

I'm also always partial to a good rhyme scheme. That final couplet, especially,

Perhaps our paths will never entwine,

But I’ll keep wondering… about her, about mine.

absolutely rocks! It was a brilliant note to end the poem on, encapsulating it's themes, while also just reading really well. Definitely my favorite rhyme in the piece, though it's got some tough competition, because I also loved,

Maybe beyond this world, far and wide,

In some multiverse, where galaxies collide,

not only is it an awesome rhyme, but it's also a great use of imagery! Seriously, bravo!

I liked the framing of this poem: Have you ever wondered: it was a great hook, and also a good segue. However, it feels somewhat disconnected from the body of the work.

In poetry, (and all forms of writing, really,) there is a speaker and an audience (who is not necessarily the reader.) In this poem, the framing of "Have you ever wondered," indicates the speaker is addressing somebody in particular, be it the reader or someone else. But the poem itself doesn't acknowledge "you" again. Without the framing, the reader would assume that the speaker is thinking out loud to themself, rather than the second party that "Have you" suggests. This leads to a slight disparity between the piece's framing and the piece itself.

(As an example of what I mean, here's a short excerpt of a poem from Nikita Gill's anthology Great Goddesses where the speaker is not the author, and the audience is not the reader. Her style, with it's excellent rhyme schemes and great imagery, reminds me of yours,

you learn sweetness despite
being built of jealous commands.

You choose a different path
than your blood demands.

This poem is written from the perspective of Aphrodite, the goddess of love, who is the speaker, and it's audience, "you," who is Hephaestus. The poem is written consistently with this in mind, always taking into account how Aphrodite would speak when addressing her audience.)

You have a very strong narrative voice, which makes your poem extremely enjoyable to read; I think if you take a look at who the "you" is at the start of your poem, and bear in mind who it is your poem is speaking to, it could really amplify what's already here!

Altogether, this was one brilliant piece! I loved reading through it, and am super excited to see more work from you in the future! You've got a real knack for killer rhymes, excellent imagery, and strong themes!

In the meanwhile, keep on writing, and have a great rest of your day!