The room was filled with crying. My sister wept as if this had happened suddenly. My mother sobbed loudly, the same woman who always made sure he kept earning, even when he was too weak. Relatives sat around, whispering, shaking their heads and pretending to be shocked.
But I stood there quietly. No tears. No sadness. Only silence.
My father was an alcoholic for as long as I could remember. His drinking started early but after marriage, it only got worse. He found himself trapped between his wife and his mother—two women constantly pulling him in different directions. No matter what he did, he could never please them both. Their fights became his burden and instead of facing it, he turned to alcohol.
Even after having two children, he never really became a father. He stopped at being a husband, stuck in that endless struggle. He was there but never present.
When my sister got married, his health started to fail. His organs shut down one by one. He lost his hearing, then his ability to walk. By then, my family forced me into marriage too, even though I didn’t want to.
Even then, I still tried to help them in anyway I can. I sent money, groceries and medicines, whatever they needed. But no one cared for me. And in the end, no one really cared for him either in his financial struggles even my sister who always troubled him for money. Yet now, everyone was here, crying, pretending to grieve.
They looked at me like I was heartless. But how could I cry for a man who was never truly a father to me?
I took a deep breath, looked at him one last time and said,
"You did what you could do. No matter how I live, it all started because of you. For that, I am grateful. Now, rest in peace."
Then, without another word, I turned and walked away.
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140,084 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
This story is spectacular. The caption hooked me into reading. The emotions were written so well! The line that sticks with me is, "But I stood there quietly. No tears. No sadness. Only silence." it shows the true emotion of the main character. Another line that hit home for me was, "They looked at me like I was heartless. But how could I cry for a man who was never truly a father to me?" this shows how the protagonist views their father. I loved it and I hope I can read more of your work!
I hope this makes your day!
Thank you for sharing!
-Walker34
Thank you so much walker..for the wonderful review
I love these kinds of stories: short and simple. There’s not much dialogue, if any, and sometimes not even a plot, but I think that’s one of the charms of stories like this. Let’s get into the review!
1. Characters:
Not much to write here, so I’ll divide the characters into three groups, if that’s ok. Firstly, the father, secondly, the daughter (narrator of the story), and thirdly, I’ll put the rest into one group.
1a. The Father:
I really loved how you painted his picture as a husband and father that had turned to drinking to erase his problems, and it was done very realistically, so I applaud you on that.
1b: The Daughter:
She was also built very well, and was my favorite character by far! She kind of gives off an emptiness inside of her, not really depression wise but like a lack of emotion. This was also done very smoothly.
I really enjoyed how you took the reader through her relative’s past actions through her, exposing them as atrocities.
1c: The Family
If there is an antagonist in this story, I would say that the family would be it. They are ignorant to all the bad things they have done, and still cry.
One question I have is if they’re actually grieving, or if they’re here for some type of ulterior motive, maybe a will or maybe just good food.
If it’s the second option, then one little thing I would add, if possible, would be some type of will or money, and you could add small details in the story like: “I caught glimpses of excitement at each other through all the weeping, showing the real reason why they came.” There’s nothing like greed to turn adults into actors lol.
But overall, the family was built pretty well, and also pretty realistically, unfortunately.
2: The mood/setting:
This was done wonderfully, and like fellow reviewer MaskMother, I could tell that the story was about a funeral just based off the first paragraph.
Not sure if this counts as mood or not, but I could kind of make out the daughter’s relationship with the rest of the family pretty quick from the few interactions they had in the story but mostly from the things that she thought about them.
I’m not sure if I’m right on this point, but I kind of saw the picture that the daughter was more on the father’s side than the family’s. I didn’t really see any negative emotion for the father, and you mentioned that she even sent food and money to him sometimes. I could see a tiny underlying hate for the family inside of the daughter, but I fee like she was to empty to see it herself.
The cherry on top was how, at the end, the rest of the family and all the crying people looked at the Daughter as if she was a monster, not realizing, maybe on purpose, that they are the ones that have hardened hearts.
3. Grammar/Wording:
I didn’t really notice any errors except this sentence: “ And in the end, no one really cared for him either in his financial struggles even my sister who always troubled him for money.”
I wouldn’t put the “him either in”, just to make the story go even smoother. I would also put a comma on the end of struggles and a “not” right after it.
Given all that, this is what the new sentence would look like:
And in the end, no one really cared for his financial struggles, not even my sister who always troubled him for money.
4. Final thoughts:
Overall, I really enjoyed this story and how well you wrote it. It went smoothly, with not much I would change. Keep on writing, and good job!
Thank you so much for your detailed insights on the piece..really appreciate the suggestions will definitely make better
This is a great expressive story.
"He stopped at being a husband, stuck in that endless struggle. He was there but never present."
Stuck in one role forgetting other responsibilities that had to be completed, forgetting that he had to provide emotional guidance to his children, which would shape their future, it was missing from his side. But, he was drowned in the pool of 'expectations', where he had to provide and complete his families' needs, seems easy but is quite tough in reality. Though he was wrong about leaning on alcohol.
Being present and marking your presence, appear same but are totally different. And this story conveys how deeply you were hurt, how you did not feel complete.
"Winter always turns to spring, bringing new hope for everybody."
Keep writing.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
As the life goes the more responsibilities adds..if we do get stuck at one phase ...Don't even no what to say. Thank you for the wonderful review
This is a really amazing story! The first paragraph immediately hooked me in: even without reading the rest of the story, I could tell that the protagonist was at a funeral.
The story is skillfully and smoothly written, showing us the events in it rather than just telling and reading easily and fluid.
The ending was good, showing us that it is really the ending of the work.
There is only one thing that I needed to point out: I think that the sentence "You did what you could do." would be even better if you erased the 'do' at the end of it. If that was an important part of the narrative, just ignore me.
-Mask
Thank you so much Mask...it really hears better if I write like "You did what you could". Thanks for the suggestion really appreciate