Verse one
They say if you could feel it
Go ahead and just believe it
Fight for it
And never let it go
Chorus
This is your fiery love
The love which took my sleep away
Which made you the title of everyday
This is your fiery love
Your fiery love
Verse two
With every uprising flame
I make a wish
Every spark is erasing my sin
And Warming up that little heart of mine
chorus
This is your fiery love
The love which took my sleep away
Which made you the title of everyday
This is your fiery love
Your fiery love
Verse three
It may taken me a long time to realize
That you’re the one,
But now I’m here for you
It’s our story , me and you
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137,476 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
aww...thats very sweet! nice!
Hello ^^
Instead of "straight", try a different word. Like "Go ahead and believe it"?
I don't like the repetition of "never". I suggest you remove one of them.
Erm.. what?
Change the bolded to that*
It may have taken me*
Me and you isn't grammatically correct and just sounds weird... try yours and mine*?
Okay, SO. Cute song. c: I liked it.
I do think you could have done better with a smoother ending. Maybe having a chorus two? By this, I mean a second chorus that's similar to the first one but not all the way. Maybe? It's all up to you, but I think it would be nice. Ending the song with a third verse seems... incomplete. Like I'm waiting for something that will never come.
Overall, I liked this song. I think it could have had a better, smoother flow, but at least you didn't try to force a rhyme scheme. The message also could have used a bit more imagery to make it more vivid, but other than that, it was good. Nicely written. ^^
Hope that helps~
thank you so much , and i'll edit those parts ^^
Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't think this would make a very good song.
Firstly, I think your verses are too short. The first one, for example, is only 25 syllables, 22 words and four lines long. In fact, ALL of the verses are four lines long, making the chorus the largest body of text in the entire song - and I can't say I have ever encountered a successful song following such a structure.
Your average line length is inappropriate in my opinion - the text appears to be more of an ECG than lyrics to a song, i.e. the variation is disturbing and disrupts the tempo.
Next, the vocabulary used is rather simplistic and not very impressive. At times, it is not even fitting, as with "uprising flame": "uprising" people are more commonly known as rebels, and though fire is a rather rebellious element, something like "flickering flame" would have been better (note the alliteration of the fl-sound), unless the "uprising" flames are in fact symbolic of hatred, and not love...
Also, I suggest that someone revise their tenses. In verse one "could" should be "can", and in verse three it should be "It may have taken" instead of "It may took". Furthermore, why are some of your stanzas in the past tense whereas others are written in the present? And as for punctuation... do you see how my commas appear DIRECTLY AFTER the last word in that particular clause/phrase?
Finally, I find the lack of rhyme upsetting. A catchy rhythm, interesting or pleasing instrumentation, an excellent voice or even the popularity of the contributing artist can compensate for poor lyrics; however, as none of these are present, I do not see anything to increase the likeability of your work.
Love songs are as common as grass nowadays, but it seems to me that well-written love songs are becoming ever rarer. So do me a favour, will you? Either check your work for any errors you may have made before you publish, as failure to do so is indicative of carelessness, or do not publish anything at all.
Rating for this text: one star (poor)
Amazin!
wooooow it's cool i love it