You’re a simple girl
Happy and active
Maybe !!.....attractive
Party everyday is your dream
music is your nickname
its party time , party time
Who doesnt like that time
when your parents are out of town
and your little sister tell you to slow down
but you start planning for a big party
inviting all your friends
maybe even those nerds
well !! ,why not ……
the music up
the roof goes down
glitter all over the room
it’s even brighter than the moon
we’re dancing , dancing
smiling , singing
loosing control
joy in our eyes
hearts flying away
never forget about this day
cause its the party time
where the music’s up
and the roof goes down
glitter all over the room
even brighter than the moon
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey there smile! Alex here to review your poem!
By the way I chose to review your poem cause you were the most recent to post a review. So there.
I liked the concept of this poem! It seems to be based on this girl's train of thought about her life and it does seem to follow that kind of thing.
There are quite a few grammatical errors in this. One for example is
Should be,
Or even a comma!
Also you don't need to leave spaces either side of every punctuation. Just leave a space on the right side.
It might be nice to split it up into stanzas instead of one block. It splits it up better that way.
Last thing, it's a bit strange how you use capitals at the start then not use them later on.
Overall, good poem although it seems more like a song really. It could use some polishing but it's pretty good!
Hey Smile, Strange here and I have a review for you on this wonderful Review Day!
First off, I love your poems overall. You just add a little bit of sweetness into them. Sadly, I barely saw it here. You tried to make it an upbeat poem with the power to draw a smile to the readers face. It was so happy, but it kind of felt bland. I was a little bit confused on what I read. You occasionally put in !!!....... which I honestly don't know why it's there. The only thing this poem has it going for it is the enthusiasm you put in to it, which, honestly, that's what I liked. You're supposed to put emotion INTO the poem, and use your emotion OUTSIDE of the poem in, which you did fantastically. You hit me with a punch. One of the ways you can tell it is written well is when the writer puts in their emotion. You did that, and that what makes me a lot less disappointed. Great job, again, Smile
Overall, great job
Strange gives you...
9.1/10
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my amigo and stay majestic, my icicle
Hi LLZ here for another review for today!
First I've got to say I love this poem. It rhymes and its catchy.
It's more like a song than a poem, but it's really good.
But first.... the cons.
Try not to put exclamation marks in the middle of a sentence because it's not grammatically correct.
Also, even though it's good without it, try add some more punctuation to break up the lines and to allow the reader to breath as they are reading this piece.
To me it's more like a song than a poem, but I love this still the same.
"loosing"- I don't know if it's just me or should there only be one 'o', I don't know?
I know it's a short review, but ther
heyy Smile! Sapphire to the review ^^
and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem, its a piece, anyway but there are certain things that needs to be highlighted about your poem.
I liked the idea of your creative piece
1. The formation your poem was not pleasing because I read it I felt it like I was reading a song.
2.You could avoid those dots that was overused in your poem try making it a bit formal even though your theme is all about partying and stuff xD
I liked the rhyming part of the poem and I also mention the parts that I liked in the poem
"where the music’s up
and the roof goes down
glitter all over the room
even brighter than the moon".
And the line:
"music is your nickname "
Anyway carry on the good work!
Good luck and Keep writing!
SapphireFlames.
Timmyjake to leave you a review!
Poetry and lyrics is not my strong point. I am not very good at reviewing them, but I will try my best!!
Maybe !!.....attractive
That line doesn't seem to flow like the rest. Maybe put the exclamation marks somewhere else or leave them out all together. Or "Maybe you're attractive."
well !! ,why not ……
And that line didn't seem to flow like the rest either.
we’re dancing , dancing
And that line is the other one that I don't think flows as well.
To me, that seems like your only weak spots in the song. It is a song, right? Or is it a poem? It almost seems like its inbetween.
And the one other thing I noticed is a lack of formatting. I had to read it twice to see that it was a song, as I couldn't see the divider between the different parts. I know that its hard to keep the formatting you had when you built it. Something about the site. It works better if you just drag it over from word straight to the website.
I really enjoyed this!
~Timmyjake
Nice! This seems to be a fine lyrics for what could be a great and popular pop song. If you can sing, you should definitely record it with some great music. But you should have published in the 'lyrical' category rather than 'Literary works'. That would really help you reach the intended readers. And hey! I am waiting for the song to come out!
Keep on writing!
-Swopnil
thank you