the crack of light
in my room of darkness
before sleep comes
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Canary word: Present
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
This poem was very short, but it also held a very interesting power in the words you chose. At first, one might wonder the significance of these words, but the title gives it all meaning. I love how you compared this entire scene with hope, and though it is slightly vague, I can definitely see the connection.
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The imagery you use here is simple, yet defined. I could imagine it all, and in my head I sort of created my own little scene to go with it. I'm sure this was your intention, as you vagueness really helped make sure that the reader interpreted this in their own way.
There's nothing I can say that might help you improve this here. I mean, I could tell you to capitalize the first letter of every sentence, but I know that must have been a choice you made, so I won't bother.
Anyway, just want to say, good job! I liked it a lot. Keep writing
I'm starting to see a trend here....
Again, very short = very powerful. It's not just anyone who can pull this off, you know. You really have a gift with words.
The imagery you managed to capture is astounding for the lack of content. (I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. I like the lack of content. Makes it easier for me to review.)
I can clearly see a person in a totally dark room, and they are really upset about something. All of the sudden they flip over and see this one beam of light in the darkness and they feel better and not so alone and like it's all going to be okay.
That was the impression that I got anyway....
Is this a haiku? I want to think that it is but I can't remember the requirements and guidelines.
Well, I'll quit bothering you. There are so many items in the Green Room just waiting for me to get my keyboard on them!
KT
Okay me again reviewing another one of your poems. Maybe you could save the pieces of each of your poems and try to find some way to put them together. It might help make the poems have a little more dimension. Obviously I know it's hard to write poems, but I am only giving ideas.
Ps. If you read this please help me review stuff in the green room. I don't want to have to use five hundred credits to submit a work. Getting really close to doing so. Thanks for listening.