The author took his pen in hand and scribbled an idea on a scrap of a napkin.
The most perfect character formed upon that scrap of paper.
The character on the napkin had the perfect personality for an intriguing book.
She carried herself confidently.
She had an air of mystery about her.
She had bright eyes and a quick smile.
She was strong in spirit, in mind and in body.
She surrounded herself in dark secrets of her past.
She loved the wind, the grass, and the sun shining on her.
She never let her emotions shine through her impassive face
She was no doubt the perfect character.
But the napkin was lost with the wind, and she was forgotten.
And as we all know, a forgotten character never survives.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey fortis!
Initially, by reading the title, I did not expect the theme of this poem to be what it actually was! I was actually pleasantly surprised.
I love the idea you started out with. I was intrigued and was hoping to see you follow through with the author's story. However, you might have another poem for that!
You shifted quite nicely from the author to the actual character.
You have good parallelism, which is very good, and you are consistent in your structure and writing. I'd also like to commend you on your use of anaphora.
However, I would change your "had" verbs as they are repetitive and they are considered generally weak verbs in writing.
I also derived from this poem, that the character the author sketches out, but yet disappears, may symbolize how we try to grasp an image of ourselves when trying to find our self. But this is for the reader to interpret. As the AUTHOR, if you have a message you'd like to convey, be sure to include it!
I'd also suggest to incorporate more imagery. This would help to create emotional attachment to the character, and be saddened when she disappears at the end. Reaching out to the reader is critical.
Love the last line.
Overall, good job and Keep Writing!
Happy Review Day!!!
-Sbitonti
JC here for a review!
I like the 1st line a lot from the authors view, It kinda reminds me of J.K. Rowling writing Harry Potter.
It's unique i've not seen a poem before written about this subject. Makes me sad the character is gone but it makes the poem tie in very well. It's short but complete. It's always what we lose or forget that would have made the perfect poem, story, or character.
Keep writing
-JC
The Messenger Knight here to review.
so, like Dark Knight, the title caught my view, as did the poem itself. I had to say though that I knew where it was going for half the time. But don't feel bad if that was unintended; I laughed hard. I just knew it would get blown away. Now you punctuation was A OK. good job overall, and thanks for the laugh.
Keep it up!
Hi fortis,Knight Althur here with review!
-Lost in the wind-The title caught my eyes,so I decided to read the contents and messages you want to point up here.
You use the point of view as an observer / narrator who has highlighted her tale. From the first verse you said about an author wrote a poem / idea on napkin, forming the character and personality? Could it be on the next stanzas is the character created by him?(I just want to be sure about the meaning which I understood.)
The Imagery are very beautiful and effective bringing an impact to the reader.
The theme I see in the poem is about perfection in character that been covered by the hypocrisy that certainly does not last long.
Diction you use are so impressive and easy to understand even though you often use a concrete words to define herself .
Overall,you doing a great job here!Is that any problem with formatting here?
Keep it up
Kudos,cheers.
This is really good, I really like how it started out. The way it ended was way different to how it started and i like that. You could have added a bit more to it but it still is really good. This is still one of the better ones on here, and you have a talent for writing!