For someone very special who is no longer here. It's kinda part two of this poem
>> https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=9...
.
It’s been two years
and I still remember you.
.
I’ve tried and tried
to move on, to forget
to let go of regret
words I never spoke
songs I never sung
stories I never told
.
In some ways
it’s like you are still here
close by smiling at the good
frowning at the bad
wrinkling your white eyebrows the way that you would
.
It’s been two years
and I can’t forget you.
.
In other ways,
it’s like you never touched my life
save for the memories,
the orange bible you read,
the flower from your funeral pinned to my wall,
or the tug of my heart when I see
a swingset.
.
It’s been two years
and now I know
I’ll never forget you.
.
and I’ll always remember
Whenever I swing
all about you and
the inspiration you continue to bring me
the way that you blessed me
and how much I love you
and how much I miss you
and how much I wish you were here.
.
But just know that
Whenever I swing,
I’ll think of you,
because in Heaven
that’s what we’ll do.
.
I promise.
I’ll always remember.
.
I love you Alma Hoppe
-R.I.P
Love,
Emma, your girl
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Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i like begin by saying that this poem made me cry. this poem will forever hold a special spot in my heart forever, thanks to you and your wonderful writing of poems. Also, beyond making me cry, i think that people could relate to this poem since i would think, that we have lost someone we love and we wish we could write a letter to them (while they are in heaven). Plus there are examples of end rhymes that make it have a tone of sorrow or condolence.
Whenever, i see a poem in need of reviewing or something like a needed mistake needing to be fix, i try to find it and review to see if that could help the person (and sometimes it does). Yet however, there are poems that would have no mistakes as it is since they are great poets as it or maybe they have fixed the mistakes in the poem that people already have noticed (and you, my dear friend, are one of those people.) (Sorry for rambling on and on; my way of saying how awesome a poem is).
Overall, i think people could relate to this. I could relate since I lost my best friend 2 months ago to suicide and when i read this poem, i felt the same way as you did in this poem; writing a letter to the person in the clouds above, hoping that they could see you and write back to you. (Also this poem kinds reminds me of Condolence- i forgot who it is by).
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
Touching.
Seems almost repetitive in two ways. The way you intended... And repetitive in the way it squeezes the sorrows from their little compact spot in my heart.
Dearest Emma,
This may indeed be late, but I apologize. My condolences on your loss.
I am almost certain that the wonderful Alma Hoppe, is indeed smiling at your side. My gut even tells, me that she talks to you. And somewhere, deep deep down... you hear her. You hear her in your heart, and that is the true inspiration to your writing. And if that is the case, it is the TRUEST inspiration to any writing. I think she's happy. I think she wants you to be happy.
I apologize Emma, that she had to go.
...
right, the poem. 9/10. great work.
Good Luck To You.
Your poem was very consuming, and filled with so much sorrow that it literally tugged and stole my heart away from me. And I really adore how you always refer back to a swing set, (could it possibly symbolize a memory or your relationship with this loved one)? I love how you broke your stanzas with
Rock on!
It's been two years and I still remember you.
Then you described this stanza with how you still remember your loved one.
It's been two years, and I can't forget you.
You described how you can't forget them. (Which I agree this can be really heart wrenching)
It's been two years and now I know I'll never forget you.
Reminding yourself how you remember your memories together.
I promise. I’ll always remember.
And you did by writing I love you Alma Hoppe.
Even though your poem was filled with distress, it was beautiful how you written it. I could see what you saw, and I could feel what you felt, which to me is a great writer if you can greatly impact a readers emotion. It's a great tool to use if you want the reader scratching out there eyes, drown in their tears, or simply let them hide in their closets in fear, you have to make it realist or personal, and you my friend made it personal.
and how much I love you
and how much I miss you
and how much I wish you were here.
And when you repeat "and how much I" It truly reveals how much you truly miss this person, and how much you crave for there existence once more. It makes the reader want to comfort the heart broken person. It was truly a beauty to read this, yet very saddening because it brings back those pained memories of when I lost someone myself. I'm very sorry for your loss. and thank you for sharing such a astoundingly beautiful poem, you're a true poet at heart, so continue writing.
Thanks for the amazing review!
No problem
I won't criticize any grammar, because this seems like a poem you'd read aloud. I love all of the feeling in this poem, and the references to inside jokes. Since they weren't explained, it makes them seem eerie, like the sadness you wrote about when seeing a swing-set. I think this poem perfectly captures the feelings you experience when you lose someone, and I'm sorry for your loss. Even though the stanzas were short, this is a nice piece. Good job!