Lessons Well-Learned

Hi Yubbies,

I'm not really sure if this is supposed to be taken completely seriously as a poem or not. The reason I have a problem with it as a poem is mostly because you haven't given us anything to hold onto. We have your list, but a list in itself isn't a poem. The difference between a grocery list and a poem is that with a poem, you get some fresh creative relationship, and with a list, you have no exposition, so while it's true that just about anything can be a poem, there are some qualifiers on that.

That being said, I think what you have here can be created into a good poem, but you're going to have to go back into it, and add something for each one of these points that shows us what you mean. If you can expand on your points, develop how life taught you these things, and express that in a way that we can feel what you're going for, I think you're going to have a much better poem.

Let's start with number one. If you said to me "Ignorance is bliss" I would tell you, no, ignorance is not bliss. If you're ignorant of how well you have everything, you can become depressed and thus, not be in a state of bliss. If you're ignorant of the reality that your girlfriend ISN'T cheating on you, again, not so happy. Ignorance is usually only blissful when you're ignorant of bad things, and those things could sneak out and kill you, so to me the list starts out poorly. Also this is a very common thing to say. Come up with a different way to express this idea, and perhaps you'll get closer to something that's accurate. Use your own words, not the words passed to you through the "intellectuals" or quotes.

Moving on to number two, we have the same problem as number one in the last aspect. This is a quote, not something original to what you've said yourself, or come up with yourself. Say it in your own way, and if you can't, expand upon it in your own way with a unique situation to you that people can say "Yeah, I've felt that" and relate to it. Expand on why you feel this way, and how you came to believe this other person's words. I want to know your logic behind this.

Number three is adorable. I like number three. Counting is a dangerous game can stand all on it's own. the main reason is because it is unique to you in my experiences, and it allows the reader to think and wonder what you mean. Having that as the last line would be perfect especially since it's going to feel halting to just have a single line for a number instead of an expanded stanza. For me, number three means that when you start counting something, like a list of three things, you might run out of things before you run out of numbers, and you might reveal your hand too soon.

Overall, your last line is my favorite of the poem and I think you have a lot of work to do fleshing out the fourth and fifth lines to your own reality.

-Aley Ravenclaw

Heya, Chrissy here for a review.

Um, wow. How is someone supposed to review something like that? Ah, well, guess I can try.

In this young life,

1. Ignorance is bliss

2. Promises are made to be broken

3. Counting is a dangerous game

So, I really liked this poem because it's short and to the point. That being said, it really makes you think about everything you've mentioned.
1. Ignorance is bliss----how many times in our lives have we been ignorant to the truth, and has it really been better for us?
2. Promises are made to be broken---this one was hard for me. I don't think we ever make promises with the intent to break them, but they are broken quite a bit. Does that make us bad people? Does that mean we don't care? Did we always know we couldn't keep the promise?
3. Counting is a dangerous game----Counting memories, counting lies, counting truths--all the of the things we think about when we decide to forgive someone who's hurt us?

Overall, I think this was a great poem. It really made me think about life though, and the things we say and do.

It was good. So much I agree with the 2nd thing you've learned. Nice work!

Keep writing. Well wishes.
Chloris.