Sound of Tears

This poem is very touching! It's a kind of memorial to the 9-11 victims. I've never thought of poems being used to signify a real life event, but this is magnificent! You should write one like this for the Titanic sinking. You have definite skill, and it seems like you knew someone personally who was a victim. Keep up the good writing!

Yubbies,

Good poem but I think you're missing something here. "Sound of tears" sound a little optimistic and since we're not wanting to hear the tears, the poem tells us hear the tears? I think it was slightly confusing.

Nitpicks:

Instead breaking the poem into really small sentences, you should have joined it so it could have been a little more Interesting to read. And also, not every letter has to start with a capital unless the previous line has a full-stop.

Stars:

The poem gives us a good message and meaning. So, keep up the good work and begin again to write more meaningful works! ^^

Overall:

I liked it but it was more of a confusing and there was not much flow in the poem. I think you should work on that. Good work!

Keep Writing!~

ChocoCookie

I'll start with the rhythm. It doesn't seem to flow very well and seems very disjointed. Ending s sentence with a connective doesn't have a very good effect and can ruin a poem if your not careful.
"On that day in mid-november." would make it sound better, but it would be out of context with the rest of your poem.

That leads me to my next point on the structure. The stanzas are very short, and with short stanzas you have to make sure that every word counts and that you are very careful with how its supposed to sound. I recently did a riddle with 5 lines, no more that 25 words. But I made sure each word counted towards what the solution was to the riddle, it is a hard riddle, but people are getting it.

I think some parts could also be missed such as "At this time", because the line after is just a better justification of the time, and it doesn't rhyme with anything so I don't think it needs to be there. "In their grave" also, because the line before says the exact same thing, and also generally many thousands were never buried in graves, that's just context.

It needs a lot of work. But otherwise it could make a nice Remembrance day poem to read out

-Skyy

Hey there, yubbies.
So I want to start off by saying that it’s always fantastic to me to see writers touching on topics besides love. I may write love poems but not so fond of reading them.

In fact, you have a pretty solid poem here it’s just that everything feels very choppy because of how short the lines are and the fact that it looks like a long thin sliver of a column of poetry. It makes reading it a bit difficult because a single idea starts to take up several lines.

Also, you seem to have some of a rhyme scheme but it’s hard to keep track of. If you start rhyming in a poem, generally you’ll want to keep the rhyming pattern throughout. Right now, it’s really hard to keep track of the pattern you’re trying to build. Honestly, you’re better off without a rhyme scheme as long as you have a great poem.

The biggest piece of advice I could probably give you with this is to take a little time and flesh out your lines. What you have seems kind of thin and skeletal as far as poems go. Spend a little time, poor your emotions into it, fatten it up, and turn it into an awesome poem.

Overall though, you’ve got a good poem and it’s a great topic – props again for not righting a love poem – and if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

~lilymoore

Yubbies!

Hello, dear. Oh, dear, I love your verses. They flow like real poetry, and I love that. What I would like to talk about in this review is appearance and psychology. Lol, kidding. But yeah, appearance and organization. I believe your poem has a lot of potential, but I also believe that it would be more likable (and less confusing) if you would make the lines longer (stanzas also help). <3

- Why? Because your lines are so short, it is difficult for the reader to stay focused on the whole sentence.

- How to solve this? I'll show you in the spoiler.

Hai! I am here to give you a review

Specifics

1. I'm not a fan of the format. I don't think it's doing much for this poem and I'd actually like to see something groovy like a tear shape if you're going to play with the look of it. The short lines are more distracting and difficult to read than anything and don't give a sense of the sound of tears. Maybe if you had them more spacey

like you
could do
something
like this

then that might look a bit more interesting and like tears were falling.

2. I like the idea that the world doesn't make a sound but I want more explanation because obviously it does so I feel you need to justify that. How do you mean it doesn't make a sound? It doesn't make an impact or- what? Expand it please!

3. Oh, it's a Remembrance day poem. I'm with you now. I like the rhyme and you've got a good rhythm going, but you're not telling us anything new yet. You need to make us stop and think and feel something. Why should we care about these people? Obviously I do but present me with one of them or their families. Give me something more specific to focus on because at the moment there's nothing that strikes me as 'that could have been someone I knew'.

Overall

It's not an easy poem to write as we've seen it before and you deserve a thumbs up for it not being obvious from the beginning. I really didn't know where you were going with this. That said, I feel that you need something that will make us sit up and listen. People find it hard to connect with a 'they' but if you give us individual people, a glimpse of these men and what happened to them, that's when it starts to hurt and when we can understand and feel sad.

I hope this gives you a few ideas and feel free to ask any questions you may have! Best of luck,

Heather xx

Hey, Yubbies! Euph here to review your poem c: Long time no see, darling!
Let me just start off by saying that I absolutely loved this poem. The emotions were clear.
Pros:
I loved the language, and how the reader felt the strife being addressed throughout the poem. It was very deep and touching. I truly applaud your efforts.
Cons: Although I understand that this is a freewrite, there was no set structure.
Also.. I feel that when you say "We Remember The sacrifice That was made", the flow might work better if you change the structure to be "We remember / The sacrifices made"
It addresses the same message, without the awkward spacing.
Overall, great job, I love it! Keep up the good work! if you have any questions, feel free to message me or leave a post on my wall. Take care xx
-Euph

Hi, I'm Alvarin and I'm going to review you work
First of all, it flows really well. The punctuation is good and the amount of syllables in each line are perfect. It's easy to read and easy to understand. You don't have to begin each line with a capital letter, and I would prefer if you didn't, but that's up to you.
Second, I like the feeling in it. It's sad and it makes you think.

Every year
We look around
And the world
Doesn’t make a sound
...
So look around
And see the world that
Doesn’t make a sound